Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I really don't. I'm so jumbled and confused. Lost
When I met my fiancé a year and a half ago he was a dream. Sending me flowers, flying home to see me, sending me sweet texts and calls 24/7. When we were together nothing else in the world mattered. I was the happiest I'd ever been. In nursing school with a 4 year old daughter he took as his own.
In about October things took a turn for the worse. I don't know if it's my mind being so manipulated but I can't explain it to anyone. He had been in prison for hitting his ex wife of 12 years but was out and a "new person". Despite warnings from others I pursued and fell in love with this man and we quickly became engaged.
We bought a car together he no longer pays for and a rental home he has paid once. I have contributed almost all financially to it without a job, asking for handouts and picking up small gigs in nursing school.
He is jeckyl and Hyde. One day he's the sweetest man on earth and the next he is pure evil.
He will ignore me while I speak to him while not even in an arguement. He gets angry when I leave the house and don't come back when I said I would or stop at my mothers for a while. If I want to wear shorts I am "giving it away". He has called me disgusting, and idiot, and compared me to exes saying I am the most unhealthy thing for him. All the while all I do is sit here take care of our daughter and work.
when things are fleetingly good they are so amazing, but when they are bad boy are they bad. Swearing, screaming, but never hitting.
he has ruined my credit. He has ruined my relationship with my family. He has ruined my relationship with myself.
but I love him so, so much. I cannot fathom the thought of letting him go.
today he came into where I waitress for the first time, it's a new place where I was hired 2 weeks ago, and stormed out because he said he saw me go in the kitchen where the men work. He said he was done and he knows for a fact I'm cheating. Came to the apartment and packed something's and left. Thinking he will be back. I have never been unfaithful to this man in my life. In fact I've been so faithful it's almost unhealthy.
He rarely sees his other kids which I feel guilty about.
he got mad at me last night because I was watching my own new show when he got home from work.
"immature, stupid, childish"
he will say this is all fantasy and he can't believe he's waisted his time when I've done nothing wrong. Then come back and apologize and say let's get married today.
theres so much more I just can't think because my mind is so screwed.
Please give me insight. I love this man. I can't stand the thought of leaving him. And I don't know why.
Getting mad that I went to the new neighbors to introduce myself while the husband was home
Getting mad if I even touch my phone
Telling me to go have my own life since I have a job and my own car now that my dad cosigned on
Never letting me meet his friends because he doesn't want me to be hit on
Never giving me money to buy groceries or things for my daughter even though we live together
Calling me lazy when I nap because I have type 1 diabetes and get tired
Telling me to "go check on Ayla like a real mom" when she's outside playing with the neighbors
Making a legal and verbal promise to pay the car and rent and never having the money to do so
Always asking me what I've eaten (I'm not overweight so I don't know where this comes from)
But always being there when I'm hospitalized for my diabetes by my side the whole time, never leaving, yet clearly not happy to be there. Confusing.
Trying to talk me out of taking my antidepressants
Always asking where I got the money to buy things, before my job it was usually my parents. But if I said that to him he would tell me I was a beggar yet he wouldn't give me any.
Questioning me about my past relationships daily and then getting mad when I'm honest but not letting me say I don't want to talk about it
Asking me things during sex and then afterwards telling me I'm disgusting
Making sly comments relating me to his ex wife
Sarcasm
Putting music too loud all the time around the house so no one can talk or hear
When I ask him to do dishes or clean tub (I rarely do ask) he says he worked all day and it's my responsibility because I don't work as much
Telling me I'm crazy
Telling me things and then acting like he never said them or not telling me things and then insisting he did
Questioning and pushing if I don't answer phone first time
Accusing me of loooing at other men when I have in fact trained myself to look forward at all times so I don't get falsely accused
Telling me my sisters and mother are no good
Telling me he moved home for this relationship (from Minnesota) in October for nothing
Always asking if other men are "fresh" to me
Always asking if "that's what I like" when other men are around the vicinity
Telling me women adore him
Drinking almost daily but not to the point of being drunk, and making comments that it's my fault
Believe it or not there are good times. There's times I feel on top of the world still. But I know they will end soon. And they always do.
My two favorite resources when I left my crazy-making husband almost 10 years ago were the book 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft and the website youarenotcrazy.com.
Sorry you are not getting much support here. We used to have a great group, but the website design changed for the worse and many people left!
You are not alone. And you and your daughter would be much better off without all the stress and drama he's creating from nothing.
Far more likely, he will get worse. He views you as the problem. You are not the problem. You are the screen upon which he projects his problems. He sees the bad inside himself as you,. His simmering rage grows every time he looks at you or hears your voice. If you stay long enough, he will become violent. This would be true no matter who his partner is. It is nothing to do with you.
My abuser was violent. He had gotten to the stage where he did not speak to me or acknowledge me when I spoke. In his hatred of me, I was totally blotted out. I know what you mean about the good parts and how much you feel you love him. A man this broken is a child in some ways, and can seem very vulnerable and appealing. That part never lasts in a relationship. By the time I left my abuser, I had not seen that part for 2 years.
I know it hurts, but for your sake and for your daughter's sake, I hope you will begin to think about getting out.