Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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R3silient83 09/04/2018

I've been in a relationship for the past 14 years. We got married in 2014 before we had our last child together. I filed to seperate in 2016, my plan was to leave him and do without the stress of a divorce.

I left him this past January. I couldn't handle it after he threw me against the wall and told me that I use me being rape as an excuse to be a whore and that I was nothing more then that. It took me years to finally break free from this man. He had so muc hcontrol over me and what I did that being alone I had no idea what I should do or what I was capable of doing. I'd still try to be his friend and get along for our three young children, but he'd always try to take advantage of me. Everyday there was the promise of changing and to give him a year. If I don't like the change, I can leave and he will leave me alone. The outside world thought we were the perfect couple. Everyone wanted to be us.

I starting seeing an old flame and he invited me out one night for dinner and a movie, which I was unsure about, but I took the invitation. My ex found out and he made up a bunch of lies about me and this man. Called constantly both our phones. Put things on social media. He even went as far as telling my children that I had a boyfriend, I;m going to leave them because I want to be with him more. Just outragious things.

All these outburts and I felt like I was still trapped. I eventually gave him another chance, because I felt that maybe he did change. I see improvments that he did make. But I was and still am scared to give into this man, because something is telling me that he is going to get me where he wants me again and treat me the same way he always has.

I never realized that I was in a mentally/emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship until I got a good look at the big picture. I thought that by doing this I'd make my kids happy and all the nonsense would stop, but it hasn't. I'm basically a single parent again. I feel like I shut down and I am honestly not happy.

I FEEL TRAPPED...... If I leave he will do everythnng he can to mess things up for me.

WendiLaine 09/04/2018

Is there any way that you can get a restraining order against him? My husband has done the same thing. I only left him about a month ago but since then he has been trying everything in his power to hold me back from being happy - even without him around me he is trying his best to control me. I had a talk with a therapist. She said that he would never change and I needed to get away from him. That is what's best for myself and my son. I wanted to share this advice with you because I know you must still care about him. Its hard because you've spent so much of your lives together. But in the end being the best mom you can be to your children is most important and I think you'd be way happier without him. It will be hard. Its so hard for me sometimes especially when he promises change but do what's best for YOU, girlie. *hugs*

Peat 09/04/2018

Re-read what WendiLaine posted, and take that restraining order against him.

R3silient83 09/05/2018

Thank WendiLaine, I've been planning to leave without him knowing. I'm getting everything situated while I'm at work. I'm even looking into the ways that he can't get me for taking my own children and leaving.
I would love to get a restraining order, but where I live, the cops response time is at least an hour and they don't care about restraining orders at all. My sister has one on her husband and they let him take her children and almost took her to jail. We have a messed up judicial system on this reservation.
My best bet I'm thinking is leaving and getting far away from here.

calirn13 09/05/2018

You need to leave for your childrens sake. Have no contact with this person. Get somebody to be your intermediary. I would start by telling him as soon as he goes to anger management courses and completes them you will no longer have any contact whatsoever with this person. Not saying he can’t have contact with your children . He just will not any longer have any contact with you written, texting, phone and personal. Set up an email account where he can email and have somebody else read the emails and only give you the pertinent information where it is in regards to the children.
It doesn’t even matter but were you going out with this friend while you were still living with your husband? If you’re going to be dating other people you really should file for divorce and get a legal divorce before you start dating anybody.

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