Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So. This morning I was determined to end it.
Late last night, I got a threatening email from the boyfriend of my best friend, and it brought back all the pain of her abondoning me - again.
I looked ahead, and the future looked the same whether I was in it or not.
I took the advice of the hotline, and took it five minutes at a time. Talked with some folks. They didn't understand, but they never do. Still, trying to get them to understand is a good temporary goal that's easy to process when I'm in the mood.
She got frustrated at my yelling, so went to go take a nap.
She said "If you're really bad off, I suggest you call your counsellor to help you find some balance. I don't seem to be able to provide that support."
I said "you know what helps with that? LISTENING"
She said "Then stop yelling."
I said "Not trying to help, not telling me what to do, not wandering off to do the laundry or take a f***ing nap!"
She said "I can't listen when I'm being yelled at"
I said "You can't listen anytime"
She said "You were yelling at me so I walked away."
I said "When I was suicidal."
She said "You weren't accepting what help I could give."
Later I told her how scary it is - there's no way forward but the open window in front of you. And no one seems to understand, and that makes it even scarier, and that's why I need someone to listen, so that I have a hope that I can overcome that fear and get someone to actually understand and believe me.
Her response? "Well, it's scary for me, too."
I don't know. Part of me says such a heightened emotional exchange isn't a fair test, but at the same time... if she can't set herself aside when I've got a gun in my mouth, so to speak... when will she ever do it?
It just feels like, less than an hour after I stepped off the ledge, she was trying to turn it back on me again, calling me to heel for yelling, taking a nap, dismissing my panic as inconsequential.
I pointed it out to her. She said, "well, I think I would be grateful for the support that was being shown to me."
I made it. It was a close one today, but I made it. Without even breaking any of my promises. One day at a time.
I'm being as safe as I can be, and reaching out as much as I can. I'm seeing therapists, and councellors, and taking my meds. But between my wife and my friend... and then her jerk of a boyfriend... There's a lot of pain, and not many outlets.
I apologize if I've made anyone uncomfortable reading this.
Late last night, I got a threatening email from the boyfriend of my best friend, and it brought back all the pain of her abondoning me - again.
I looked ahead, and the future looked the same whether I was in it or not.
I took the advice of the hotline, and took it five minutes at a time. Talked with some folks. They didn't understand, but they never do. Still, trying to get them to understand is a good temporary goal that's easy to process when I'm in the mood.
She got frustrated at my yelling, so went to go take a nap.
She said "If you're really bad off, I suggest you call your counsellor to help you find some balance. I don't seem to be able to provide that support."
I said "you know what helps with that? LISTENING"
She said "Then stop yelling."
I said "Not trying to help, not telling me what to do, not wandering off to do the laundry or take a f***ing nap!"
She said "I can't listen when I'm being yelled at"
I said "You can't listen anytime"
She said "You were yelling at me so I walked away."
I said "When I was suicidal."
She said "You weren't accepting what help I could give."
Later I told her how scary it is - there's no way forward but the open window in front of you. And no one seems to understand, and that makes it even scarier, and that's why I need someone to listen, so that I have a hope that I can overcome that fear and get someone to actually understand and believe me.
Her response? "Well, it's scary for me, too."
I don't know. Part of me says such a heightened emotional exchange isn't a fair test, but at the same time... if she can't set herself aside when I've got a gun in my mouth, so to speak... when will she ever do it?
It just feels like, less than an hour after I stepped off the ledge, she was trying to turn it back on me again, calling me to heel for yelling, taking a nap, dismissing my panic as inconsequential.
I pointed it out to her. She said, "well, I think I would be grateful for the support that was being shown to me."
I made it. It was a close one today, but I made it. Without even breaking any of my promises. One day at a time.
I'm being as safe as I can be, and reaching out as much as I can. I'm seeing therapists, and councellors, and taking my meds. But between my wife and my friend... and then her jerk of a boyfriend... There's a lot of pain, and not many outlets.
I apologize if I've made anyone uncomfortable reading this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no one can make another person understand, no matter how much we want them to. No matter what you do, say, don't do or don't say, it will not help her to understand.
She is telling you exactly who she is and she is NOT someone who will understand or listen. The (her) behavior you're describing is considered abuse.
Please continue to reach out to your therapists, counselors, hotlines, here. I would suggest you NOT reach out to your wife or your friend for the time being. They all seem very very toxic.
Please take good care of yourself & stay safe.
So you say that's what abusive behavior looks like, huh? I've been looking for a concrete example. This wasn't even the worst thing I could imagine her reacting, so that's not very heartening.