So, I have been staring at multiple posts in multiple groups over the past few days trying to figure out exaclty where this would fit because I feel like it would fit in 20 other groups but I guess I will try it out here first.

My fiance and I have been together almost 3 years, engaged for over 1, after meeting on an online chat site. He was in the military and stationed in another state but wasn't too far. After 9 months of chatting we decided to take the plunge and meet face to face so I flew out there. My second trip going out there he let me know he was getting out of the military and did so. The third trip was about 9 months after the 2nd and he decided to come to my state. That's when we got engaged officially. After another 9 months apart we decided it was time for him to move out here. He did so. He was out here for about 5 months. At first things were going fine.. Or so I thought.. He got a good job paying job within the first week of being out here and even though he worked a lot of hours during the week but we spent a good amount of time together during the weekends and had fun.

After about 2 months of the job he got "injured" (sliced his thumb but it obviously wasn't bad enough to see a doctor) and decided to just stop showing up. He refused to get a job and I hardly worked due to having multiple doctor appointments a week due to medical issues which I will kind of get into in a bit. He really started to change. I had stopped trusting him with the way he was treating me (all emotionally it never got physical) and decided to start going through his phone. Big mistake. I found out he had started using drugs, he began drinking every night and also started chatting with women online. I don't know if it ever became anything more than pictures and text and really don't think I want to. I started to hate him more and more each day. His excuse for the cheating? My health problems.

A little background on that: So over the past years, since I hit the pms stage, periods have been painful, I would have cramps all the time, sex was a little painful, etc. Well since being with him the pain got worse and worse and when he moved in the pain during sex just became unbareable to the point where I was keeled over the bed crying afterwards because I just wanted it to stop. I finally got an appointment with a specialist who scheduled me for a disgnostic surgery for the 20th of september.

He blamed his cheating on the fact that "he didn't want me to be in pain because of sex". That hurt. I started to feel like it was all my fault. That I had pushed him to the point where he was. Tensions rose and the fighting became almost every second we were together unless we were out of the house. One night he took it to the point where he was saying his family hated me and wanted nothing to do with me and the ONLY reason they were nice was because he told them to be. He would use everything he knew would affect me and throw it in my face.

When he left 3 weeks ago things were starting to look up a bit but of course he was across country so why wouldn't they? Then I had my surgery on Tuesday. Come Thursday he still hadn't even asked me once how I was even though he knew the doctors found some issues. I went off on him and now we aren't really on speaking terms. I want things to end. I can't take it anymore. I hate hating someone who was once the love of my life and best friend. I hate being mistreated by someone who is supposed to love me unconditionally but then again.. I love him and I'm not sure where to go..