Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am feeling like I lost a piece of myself to him by changing my number. It is most likely a futile task, because at some point it will have to be posted on my website and updated in other professional databases. I have cleared it with my clients and warned them that I may change my number for a few weeks now. I just mentioned that I was getting phone calls from an old boyfriend of mine that refused to go away. I hated even giving them that explanation... What right do they have to my personal information anyhow? Despite my reluctance to do so, I decided to share a 'light' version of the truth so that they could understand why I was choosing not to update my info publically. I can hold off from publishing this info for a little while, maybe a few weeks, but not much longer than that.
I am so damned piss that he has access to everything in my life: where I live, my work and private phone numbers and email accounts (the work email account has to stay active since I don't have a working number at the moment). He even has access to the location of my office. I work out of a private, non-descript building and use it when I need to really focus on something. He doesn't know which unit I am in, but still the fact I have no where to go where he cannot find me eats at me.
I have thought about getting a restraining order, but in my case I think it is a really, REALLY bad idea. He told me that the only time he ever felt like killing someone was when his ex-wife filed an order against him. He says and I quote 'A piece of paper will not stop a man like me.'
There is so much more to the story that I will be posting here in bits and pieces as I really want all of your feedback. I can so clearly see other people's situations and even my own, but I really need someone to back up my feelings/perceptions.
On top of it all, my parents have separated. My mom has moved out of our family home and moves into her new place today. Part of what prompted me to take such a drastic step as changing my number (and for me it is drastic... I swore I would never change my number for a man, and that was almost 7 years ago), was listening to my mom tell me her story. My father assaulted her ex-therapist in a public parking lot. The only reason he was not charged is because her therapist knew my mom would bare the brunt of his aggression... Besides, my dad is so publically powerful the cops never even showed up... Yep, that's my family.
My mom kept crying on the phone 41 years, I wasted 41 years!!! I didn't and don't want that to be me. I had to do something drastic... so here it is...
And I still feel like he won by making me go back on the promise I made to myself!
I am so damned piss that he has access to everything in my life: where I live, my work and private phone numbers and email accounts (the work email account has to stay active since I don't have a working number at the moment). He even has access to the location of my office. I work out of a private, non-descript building and use it when I need to really focus on something. He doesn't know which unit I am in, but still the fact I have no where to go where he cannot find me eats at me.
I have thought about getting a restraining order, but in my case I think it is a really, REALLY bad idea. He told me that the only time he ever felt like killing someone was when his ex-wife filed an order against him. He says and I quote 'A piece of paper will not stop a man like me.'
There is so much more to the story that I will be posting here in bits and pieces as I really want all of your feedback. I can so clearly see other people's situations and even my own, but I really need someone to back up my feelings/perceptions.
On top of it all, my parents have separated. My mom has moved out of our family home and moves into her new place today. Part of what prompted me to take such a drastic step as changing my number (and for me it is drastic... I swore I would never change my number for a man, and that was almost 7 years ago), was listening to my mom tell me her story. My father assaulted her ex-therapist in a public parking lot. The only reason he was not charged is because her therapist knew my mom would bare the brunt of his aggression... Besides, my dad is so publically powerful the cops never even showed up... Yep, that's my family.
My mom kept crying on the phone 41 years, I wasted 41 years!!! I didn't and don't want that to be me. I had to do something drastic... so here it is...
And I still feel like he won by making me go back on the promise I made to myself!
You do see your picture clearly and the situation if others, but as you have told me each time I ask--- it takes time and it will hurt/ be uncomfortable.
Regarding your parents---
I find this interesting bc when I was little I thought my dad was strict and my mom cried a lot... There were so many bad weekends and road trips were nightmares--- turns out I married a man just like my father--- but i didn't realize it... My mom always made excuses for my dads rude and nasty behavior... I was the baby and used as the tool to"check to see if dad calmed down yet." He like me so I was eventually used against my mom in some ways-- but I didn't realize it... I didn't recognize a lot of it until the past year.
My sister had.... She told me stuff, but I didn't get it... Now my sister says to me, " do you want to be like mom and not go to a book club because dad doesn't trust her friends? " and " dad tells mom which side she can lie on after her surgery... She was in pain and dad took all the pillows from her bc she wanted to lay in the opposite side----do you want your husband to do the same or would you rather lay the way you want bc it is your body-- not his."
We learn things from our family...
I am trying to learn from my mom and I encourage you to ask if you want to be in the same situation as your mom when you are frustrated...
You are strong.
I am rambling and know I don't have myself together enough to give advice--- I just really want you to know that I understand and wish to send you strength and courage....