Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, I have been having dreams about my ex lately and it is taking it's toll on me. Even though I finally got the strength to walk away from the "relationship" back in December, even then I didn't know I would be able to stay away and I am still not sure I can. This whole time we have dated, it has been so up and down, on and off, him breaking it off, then apologizing and wanting me back, me resisting but eventually going back and the whole time he had another lover behind my back. :(
He has been with this woman, come to find out, from his mom, since he was married and that was 2 years before he even met me. We did not even date for 7 months as we met online and chatted until I felt safe enough to meet him in public and have a few dates in public with him. I so genuinely believed he was a good person.
He wanted to introduce me to his mother, his friends, he treated me so special, was so attentive. I was such an idiot.
Anyway, after I left in December ( I spent Christmas with him as I was lonely and he was available) we just hung out, no intimacy) he started pressuring me to go on another trip with him, which he does and I always decline because I really feel his trips are fronts for illegal drug transport and I want no part of that, he starting trying to call me, saying he had theatre tickets, let him know something? Oh and what about the trip? Call him, he called over and over, for 2 months, left voice mails, etc.
I ignored. I was overwhelmed and my only power to stay away and not get my heart broken again by him was NC. Then he just stopped.
I did not do the ignoring to be mean, I did it out of self preservation. I have learned from the past with him that he always either disappeared from my life for a few weeks at a time (either using or maybe with her) or he would just pick a fight and dump me. :(
Anyway, he was not my friend anymore on facebook, but he sent a message to me..simply said " I miss you. "
This was April 2. At first I tried to ignore it as it had been a month since he had called me last. Then it got to me.
I replied " I wish I could believe that. "
No reply. I let it go as long as I could. Then one day, I was in a mood and I guess I needed to vent. I should of just let it go, but I didn't. I sent another message. " All I asked from you was honesty. I gave that to you. You even said I was honest. I was good to you. I forgave you, twice for hurting me, even you said that was huge. What did I ever do to you? If you missed me you would show it. "
I seen where he read it. (this was a couple Saturdays ago) and he never replied that whole weekend. So I blocked him. Since then I deactivated my facebook.
It just hurts. Thinking he is most likely back with her or maybe even with someone new and he is having a wonderful summer, doing the things we used to do, roller skating, going to the park, holding her hand and being charming to her, taking her to the theatre. That he is finally happy and that I WAS the one who brought drama, who had the issues, and someone else will be able to be compatible with him.
Sorry, I am just really missing him and wondering if I should of just settled for whatever relationship he offered. I feel so alone.
He has been with this woman, come to find out, from his mom, since he was married and that was 2 years before he even met me. We did not even date for 7 months as we met online and chatted until I felt safe enough to meet him in public and have a few dates in public with him. I so genuinely believed he was a good person.
He wanted to introduce me to his mother, his friends, he treated me so special, was so attentive. I was such an idiot.
Anyway, after I left in December ( I spent Christmas with him as I was lonely and he was available) we just hung out, no intimacy) he started pressuring me to go on another trip with him, which he does and I always decline because I really feel his trips are fronts for illegal drug transport and I want no part of that, he starting trying to call me, saying he had theatre tickets, let him know something? Oh and what about the trip? Call him, he called over and over, for 2 months, left voice mails, etc.
I ignored. I was overwhelmed and my only power to stay away and not get my heart broken again by him was NC. Then he just stopped.
I did not do the ignoring to be mean, I did it out of self preservation. I have learned from the past with him that he always either disappeared from my life for a few weeks at a time (either using or maybe with her) or he would just pick a fight and dump me. :(
Anyway, he was not my friend anymore on facebook, but he sent a message to me..simply said " I miss you. "
This was April 2. At first I tried to ignore it as it had been a month since he had called me last. Then it got to me.
I replied " I wish I could believe that. "
No reply. I let it go as long as I could. Then one day, I was in a mood and I guess I needed to vent. I should of just let it go, but I didn't. I sent another message. " All I asked from you was honesty. I gave that to you. You even said I was honest. I was good to you. I forgave you, twice for hurting me, even you said that was huge. What did I ever do to you? If you missed me you would show it. "
I seen where he read it. (this was a couple Saturdays ago) and he never replied that whole weekend. So I blocked him. Since then I deactivated my facebook.
It just hurts. Thinking he is most likely back with her or maybe even with someone new and he is having a wonderful summer, doing the things we used to do, roller skating, going to the park, holding her hand and being charming to her, taking her to the theatre. That he is finally happy and that I WAS the one who brought drama, who had the issues, and someone else will be able to be compatible with him.
Sorry, I am just really missing him and wondering if I should of just settled for whatever relationship he offered. I feel so alone.
NO NO NO, don't settle! It is clear he is inconsistent by his sporadic contact with you. It seems as though it is all about him and only contacts you when it is convenient or he has nothing else going on. You deserve better then that!
It is so hard when we self doubt, second guess and "what if" when we are down. I feel the same way, at the moment I am feeling good and I am really trying to pray that I will stay this way but I am sure at one time or another I will be where you are again. I am sure you wish you were just past all of this and I wish that for you too.
I can't remember, are you seeing a counselor? If not maybe see if there is one in your area that could give you support too.
I will repeat what everyone here says, self care, self care, self care. Do something for yourself, read a book, take a warm bath, or walk in a park, be around friends, something to get your mind on happier things.
Anytime you need it, post here, we are all here to support you. Sending you tons of strength and encouragement!!!!
I mean, when he took me back the second time, she was actually following him around and still contacting him by phone and he was treating her like she was a stalker and telling me she just couldn't let go. I felt bad and offered to leave, even told him to go talk to her, which he did, which now knowing more about their "relationship" I wonder if they even talked. I am such a fool and want to believe and trust in people. :(
These feelings are so hard to fight off and just typing this makes me want to cry....but we ARE better and stronger than this!! We've got this Joanie, we will NOT let them get to us! We deserve better than they could think about giving us!!
You have made it since December hun, you are doing great!! (I've only been out a month) Do like I do...you want to contact me..vent here instead, even if it's just about fighting the urge to contact him. We have to stay no contact!
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I do not think you should settle and it sounds like he has her hooked pretty good. Remember abusers do not have normal feelings like other people. He is manipulating her, just like he did you.
The time will come, if it hasn't already they will be getting the abuse part, and he will abuse them just as he has done you.
Please hang in there and try and be strong. I know it is hard, but when you come out of all this, you will be happy you did.
I wish you only, the very best
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THEN..I have to stop and think...UGH..I'm stronger than this..Do I really care if he misses me or not? Yea I miss the good times with him but there were more bad than good..so..I try to focus more on the bad to get over those questions.
((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I saw your response to the no contact post. I loved the post, It would mean that you could take a little of your power back if you didn't contact him.
When you even start to think of him, try and change that thought into something to do for yourself that would make YOU happy.
Please try and get your thoughts off of him and back on what to do for you that would make YOU happy. I so wish I could help you more!!!!
I wish you the best!!!!
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