Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been in this group a while now, about a couple weeks.
I haven't told my story because it's so hard for me to talk about it. After our divorce I think I talked until I was blue in the face about my daughter abuse, but I don't think I ever talked much about my abuse.
I can help other people all over my town, but ask me if I can turn the mirror around and deal with my own problems. lol. I think I get scared of breaking down, and looking weak. If that makes sense to any one. But here goes...
In 1996 I met my future ex husband. He was nice, well kept, we talked and I was looking for a man to have a baby with, I didn't think I wanted to get married at the time, just have a baby.
Well when he found out that I wasn't planning on using birth control, he decided he wanted to stay with me, and be a part of his childs life, and not run away from it. So this is how our relationship started. Not the perfect start, but I was happy.
So in a year we had his first child, my second child, my daughter was 4 by now. We were blessed with a son. I named him Angel.
A year after that on February 14, 1998, we were married.
3 years later we were blessed with a daughter, I named her Inez.
We had many problems. I thought it was what most normal couples go through as a couple. We argued a lot. He took care of all the finances, and what I thought took care of us.
I'll start with my wedding, I wanted a ceremony with our family and friends there to celebrate with us, my friend wanted to have a bachelorette party for me,and I was all for it. Well when I talked to him about it, he said no that we wer going to his families the night before to have a family dinner, um, my family wasn't invited to this dinner. When I told him I wanted us to have a ceremony, he told me, that I didn't deserve a ceremony that we were going to use a judge, because I wasn't pure, and wasn't worthy to stand before a preacher to be married. When I told him I wanted to dress us up, he said no just go buy a cheap nice dress because only virgins get to wear wedding dresses. I bought a nice off white, biege? dress. At the ceremony, I was trying to be all lovey dovey with him, he just stood there and said, go help, this is your wedding, you need to be helping. I didn't get a weekend get away(honeymoon) because I already had kids, and I didn't have time for that. He went play basketball with his brothers that whole day after, and drank that whole next night while I was in the room with my children at his families home. It was horrible night for me.
I had to ask permission to go anywhere. Even if it was to the store to get groceries, and do laundry, he gave me a set amt of money and I had to bring reciept and change that I didn't use back to him. towards the end I had to ask to go to the restroom because he didn't trust me. because he said that I was going to leave him.
Arguing-one argument I don't remember what it was about, but I arrived home at 5pm, and we argued until 7 am the next morning when I had to go to work. I tried everything to dissolve the argument, being calm, crying, yelling, silence, talking, nothing I said would calm him down. He told me I was just playing mind games with him and he was going to talk this through until it was resolved. I went to work mentally and physically exhausted just to stop the argument, It started that next evening. Meanwhile my children were told to stay in there room, no dinner for either evening, and barely let them out to go to the bathroom. When it went on until 8 that evening. I called my aunt and she came and picked up the kids for us. We still was arguing all the way until 7 am in the morning. I don't know what happened if he was just tired of arguing but he laid me down and had sex with me for an hour and said I wasn't to get up until he was done. And he said that was our make up sex. I had to call in to work that day because I was so exhausted from all the arguing. He had sex with me that whole day. I just lay there and let him. I was too exhausted from the two nights of arguing. Part of the time I was asleep.
well this is all I can talk about today, I will post some more another time. thank you for listening
I haven't told my story because it's so hard for me to talk about it. After our divorce I think I talked until I was blue in the face about my daughter abuse, but I don't think I ever talked much about my abuse.
I can help other people all over my town, but ask me if I can turn the mirror around and deal with my own problems. lol. I think I get scared of breaking down, and looking weak. If that makes sense to any one. But here goes...
In 1996 I met my future ex husband. He was nice, well kept, we talked and I was looking for a man to have a baby with, I didn't think I wanted to get married at the time, just have a baby.
Well when he found out that I wasn't planning on using birth control, he decided he wanted to stay with me, and be a part of his childs life, and not run away from it. So this is how our relationship started. Not the perfect start, but I was happy.
So in a year we had his first child, my second child, my daughter was 4 by now. We were blessed with a son. I named him Angel.
A year after that on February 14, 1998, we were married.
3 years later we were blessed with a daughter, I named her Inez.
We had many problems. I thought it was what most normal couples go through as a couple. We argued a lot. He took care of all the finances, and what I thought took care of us.
I'll start with my wedding, I wanted a ceremony with our family and friends there to celebrate with us, my friend wanted to have a bachelorette party for me,and I was all for it. Well when I talked to him about it, he said no that we wer going to his families the night before to have a family dinner, um, my family wasn't invited to this dinner. When I told him I wanted us to have a ceremony, he told me, that I didn't deserve a ceremony that we were going to use a judge, because I wasn't pure, and wasn't worthy to stand before a preacher to be married. When I told him I wanted to dress us up, he said no just go buy a cheap nice dress because only virgins get to wear wedding dresses. I bought a nice off white, biege? dress. At the ceremony, I was trying to be all lovey dovey with him, he just stood there and said, go help, this is your wedding, you need to be helping. I didn't get a weekend get away(honeymoon) because I already had kids, and I didn't have time for that. He went play basketball with his brothers that whole day after, and drank that whole next night while I was in the room with my children at his families home. It was horrible night for me.
I had to ask permission to go anywhere. Even if it was to the store to get groceries, and do laundry, he gave me a set amt of money and I had to bring reciept and change that I didn't use back to him. towards the end I had to ask to go to the restroom because he didn't trust me. because he said that I was going to leave him.
Arguing-one argument I don't remember what it was about, but I arrived home at 5pm, and we argued until 7 am the next morning when I had to go to work. I tried everything to dissolve the argument, being calm, crying, yelling, silence, talking, nothing I said would calm him down. He told me I was just playing mind games with him and he was going to talk this through until it was resolved. I went to work mentally and physically exhausted just to stop the argument, It started that next evening. Meanwhile my children were told to stay in there room, no dinner for either evening, and barely let them out to go to the bathroom. When it went on until 8 that evening. I called my aunt and she came and picked up the kids for us. We still was arguing all the way until 7 am in the morning. I don't know what happened if he was just tired of arguing but he laid me down and had sex with me for an hour and said I wasn't to get up until he was done. And he said that was our make up sex. I had to call in to work that day because I was so exhausted from all the arguing. He had sex with me that whole day. I just lay there and let him. I was too exhausted from the two nights of arguing. Part of the time I was asleep.
well this is all I can talk about today, I will post some more another time. thank you for listening
I don't even know what to say. that is so horrible!!!
so glad that you are away from him! I've been kept up all night before by my ex, so I know what that is like, but your story is way worse in that it went on two days, ended in a day of sex (I would call that rape, actually) and that your kids were not allowed out of their room and were not fed.
I well remember those 'discussions' (which were always him talking at me, yelling at me, questioning me, interrogating me, confusing me, switching the story around..and not letting me sleep.
so, so glad that you are out and away from that monster.
it feels good, doesn't it?
I'm glad you're not still in the middle of it.
Have you had counseling? If not, I
urge you to find a way to get some.
How is your daughter?
Sending you hugs and healing prayers.
I have gone to counciling, and also to women's groups for a long time, but I outgrew them, I go sometimes, when I feel like I need socializationk and support. But mostly I use my own treatment for some of my bad days, such as exercise, journaling, devotions, church, prayer, meditating, breathing. That kind of things.
I call it rape also, he called it love. lol. strange how I thought he really loved me.
The main reason I never talked about my abuse is because my daughter was his victim to molestation from 6-11 years old. My abuse seemed a shadow to her trauma in life, I focused on helping her through out her teen years to keep her from losing it. My oldest daughter refused counciling, because she has a hard time talking about it. I encourage her to go to treatment and tell her the age limit for drinking and that drug use is illegal, but in my town it is almost expected for you to either be an alcoholic, or drug addict. I drink on occasion, to socialize, but not to get drunk.
I worked as an Employee with Victims of Crimes here where I live, but it was too much emotionally to help other victims when I could barely help me and my family.
One day I did something to piss him off, I was so scared about what he was going to do, he was so extremely calm I thought ok maybe he is not that mad at me. He told me, "sit back relax, and I'll cook dinner for all you guys" so I relaxed, thinking we weren't in trouble. funny how "trouble" is used a lot for me. But we all sat down for dinner, he's hispanic, so he served all of us with salsa on our plates, even my 3 yr old, I didn't realize this was our punishment until I took the first bite of my food. It was so hot that it gave me a burn on my tongue, I spit it out. He told me in the most scary calm voice, "you better eat it" I had to sit there and eat it, and watch my children eat it too. It was the most excruciating pain to watch my children have to eat like that. He had the most evil smile on his face watching me cry, and told me my children would be the strongest in the community because they could eat the hottest salsa in our town.
My anger at him is still fresh even though it has been 7 years now since he been gone.