Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I just bumped my thread from a while back to perhaps help in maybe seeing what my problem is?
The ex boyfriend did come for his stuff, a few days later and he did it while I was at work, but he manipulated me in that he used the this story.
While I was at work, he texted me, telling me " Hey I have a little girl I want you to meet, she is 11 and a foster child I am thinking of adopting from England.
I was like what? He ended up coming to my work and bringing this girl. The girl talked like she was from London, played the part, etc. I asked questions and I was doubtful a bit as he has pulled the adoption/foster thing before (as I am adopted and want a child) but I was thinking, how could he get a child to go along with this?
Anyway, his stuff was at my house as I had no idea he was coming till I was already at work, so they followed me to my house. I went in to get it and in the meantime, he and the little girl went to visit my horse. Well in the short time I was inside, he decided to try and ride my horse, with nothing, no halter, no saddle, nothing! Of course, he was thrown and hurt.
I had to end up driving him and the girl home and we dropped her off. Then he came clean that they were just playing..WTH?
I took him to urgent care and even though he did lie and involved a child in his lie, I felt sorry for him and waited till they stiched him up and then drove him home. I even stayed as he said he felt too sick with his head injury to drive me back home. (He lives in a different town) There was no sex as I have told him it was not going to happen, but honestly he was in no shape anyway. He took me home the next morning.
Since then he kept in touch with me and even tried to plant a kiss on me before he left that morning, I did not reciprocate.
He then ended up leaving for a trip, which I feel was illegal activity. He asked me to go, as if I don't have a full time job..duh!
He then kept in touch all the way to California and then he didn't call for 9 days. I then texted him and said, hope you do well with whatever you went for, take care. And of course he called right back, said he was on his way back.
This man blows hot and cold, and the minute I pull away, he is right on it..bang.
He got back and slept it off then got ahold of me late Friday night (last weekend) and wanted me to do something with him for the weekend. I didn't return his call. Again, I just didn't want us to be enemies but I don't trust him so I don't want more.
He called again Monday and we talked, and he told me how he was going into this new business, selling his old business, going to be rich, getting everything in order. Then wed. he called and he was just going to come over, needed some help with advertising. I am not an advertiser and he knows this. He said, yeah but you have a way with words, your so smart. He wanted me to take off work and do something with him. I said I can't, have to work. He said well I am coming down, see you after work. Then he said he had to take a call and hung up on me.
Then about two hours later, he called and cancelled. WTH?
When we talked before he had even asked about doing something Saturday,
Fast forward to Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and sunday, didn't hear anything from him.
Yeah, again, talk about blowing cold.
Why does he bother coming into my life? He has to have learned from the last two times he tried, he will not get sex from me, so why even bother?
Any opinions, advice, anything is helpful, my head is a mess and this makes me feel worthless.
The ex boyfriend did come for his stuff, a few days later and he did it while I was at work, but he manipulated me in that he used the this story.
While I was at work, he texted me, telling me " Hey I have a little girl I want you to meet, she is 11 and a foster child I am thinking of adopting from England.
I was like what? He ended up coming to my work and bringing this girl. The girl talked like she was from London, played the part, etc. I asked questions and I was doubtful a bit as he has pulled the adoption/foster thing before (as I am adopted and want a child) but I was thinking, how could he get a child to go along with this?
Anyway, his stuff was at my house as I had no idea he was coming till I was already at work, so they followed me to my house. I went in to get it and in the meantime, he and the little girl went to visit my horse. Well in the short time I was inside, he decided to try and ride my horse, with nothing, no halter, no saddle, nothing! Of course, he was thrown and hurt.
I had to end up driving him and the girl home and we dropped her off. Then he came clean that they were just playing..WTH?
I took him to urgent care and even though he did lie and involved a child in his lie, I felt sorry for him and waited till they stiched him up and then drove him home. I even stayed as he said he felt too sick with his head injury to drive me back home. (He lives in a different town) There was no sex as I have told him it was not going to happen, but honestly he was in no shape anyway. He took me home the next morning.
Since then he kept in touch with me and even tried to plant a kiss on me before he left that morning, I did not reciprocate.
He then ended up leaving for a trip, which I feel was illegal activity. He asked me to go, as if I don't have a full time job..duh!
He then kept in touch all the way to California and then he didn't call for 9 days. I then texted him and said, hope you do well with whatever you went for, take care. And of course he called right back, said he was on his way back.
This man blows hot and cold, and the minute I pull away, he is right on it..bang.
He got back and slept it off then got ahold of me late Friday night (last weekend) and wanted me to do something with him for the weekend. I didn't return his call. Again, I just didn't want us to be enemies but I don't trust him so I don't want more.
He called again Monday and we talked, and he told me how he was going into this new business, selling his old business, going to be rich, getting everything in order. Then wed. he called and he was just going to come over, needed some help with advertising. I am not an advertiser and he knows this. He said, yeah but you have a way with words, your so smart. He wanted me to take off work and do something with him. I said I can't, have to work. He said well I am coming down, see you after work. Then he said he had to take a call and hung up on me.
Then about two hours later, he called and cancelled. WTH?
When we talked before he had even asked about doing something Saturday,
Fast forward to Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and sunday, didn't hear anything from him.
Yeah, again, talk about blowing cold.
Why does he bother coming into my life? He has to have learned from the last two times he tried, he will not get sex from me, so why even bother?
Any opinions, advice, anything is helpful, my head is a mess and this makes me feel worthless.
It's nice to "see" you again. You are not a fool, you are never a fool. You are maybe just to kind to people sometimes.
I hope you are better, this guy sends lots of red flags and I don't think he wants to hear that you really don't want to see him. He seems to do what he wants to do and I 'm thinking you don't really want someone like that, but it is your life.
The hard part is he must feel somehow there is a chance with you. He comes back because he wants to and he can.. This hot and cold stuff is a game abusers play. He's learned he can get to you by showing up at your work and following you home.
I sincerely hope if he pulls the showing up again, you will be busy doing anything you can think of and get rid of him.
I wish you the very best. I hope you will continue to post time to time.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So who was the girl that was with him? That's a little creepy. And getting on YOUR horse without permission? that's a CLEAR boundary violation. The man cares for nobody but himself. And people like that are very, very dangerous.
You did nothing wrong here. But I would suggest going no contact - because once you start trying to figure out his illogical activities, it becomes much harder to escape.
In talking to his mother after our breakup, she mentioned that he has used so many women and she had to love him but does not like who he is. She also mentioned that she is not allowed contact with his ex wife and that she was a lovely person who did not deserve the way he treated her. According to him though, his ex was the crazy drunk. Oh and his mother, well he told me once he wouldn't even go to her own funeral. He acts as if she was so abusive to him. His father supposedly died from an accident years ago, told that to the physician in attending when I took him to urgent care. As I said, he has a ton of secrets and he has lied about so much. Not sure again if that is due to being an addict or ?
He has not tried to contact me today and I can avoid him as long as he doesn't call at work and I am alone. That's one way he gets in touch with me when I go so long without contact. :(
And to answer the question you put near the end of your last post above, no, I do not think he lies and keeps secrets because he is an addict. I think he does those things, AND is addicted to things, because he is psychologically ill. It is a common perception that being an addict is the cause of such harmful behaviours, but drug or alcohol habits are merely yet another symptom of the real problem. And that problem is with his mind, very likely permanently so.
Sorry for you, that little girl, and anyone else who has been the victim of his disturbing behaviour :(
OMG, I would say you have done incredibly well in getting away from him!! I also think you probably have his intentions with the 'business partner' pretty well pegged. Suffice it to say, no woman should be within thousands of miles of the guy.
You are NOT a fool: you were conned by a very sick man, who crafted his methods to make sure you bought his facade. All of us on here bought into similar dreams, because we are good people who wanted to love and be loved. But they hooked us like fish, with no intention of wanting the same thing (think of that quote I posted that you replied to just today!).
Just so glad you can see him for the very dangerous person he is...please do not let him back in. Try your best to ignore texts, calls, no matter what he is promising or how innocent it looks.
He is only doing it so he can get his foot back in the door and keep playing you. These sick people get their kicks from seeing you respond and knowing that they have you on strings like a puppet. Any attention is good attention. That's why he 'plays' and makes up crap. Even if it makes you look at him like he's insane...you are still looking. He just wants eyes on him. Starve him and he'll soon get bored! But it has to be complete. Any chinks of light and he will take advantage.
Good luck and big hugs xx