Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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topazmoon1968 08/23/2015

My abuser has gotten dramatically worse over the last month or so. I honestly want him to leave, but I know he won't. I am trying so hard to stay strong for my son, but it is eating me up inside. He acts so superior and has been treating me worse and worse. He is demanding and condescending and a bully. The funny thing, is I am the one that is above him, in so many ways, but he things he is the best thing since sliced bread. I am trying to train myself not to engage anymore, because I know he just wants to start an argument. He is a nasty, selfish jerk!!!

I really just need to vent and try to figure things out in my head, but there are so many things going on, I don't know where to start.

My son is starting high school this week, and he is more aware than ever that my husband and I are having a lot of problems. He keeps saying that he does not want us to get a divorce. I know it is not up to him, but it breaks my heart to hear him say that.

I am just really tired of being treated like a doormat.

Sad and helpless in CT :(

minniethemoocher 08/23/2015

Topaz, your son is starting high school. Is he still a child? In many ways, yes. But, he's also old enough to start his own dating relationships AND old enough to be told how not to treat women. What he wants and what is best for both of you are 2 completely different things. You're the adult here. He's already aware that things are bad between you and your husband (who I assume is his father). IMO, you need to sit him down and give him the facts about your unhappiness in this marriage. If I'm wrong - I gladly invite someone else here to clue me in because, it is not my desire to encourage someone in the wrong direction. But, your son is a male child. My thinking is that, unless he has regular opportunity to empathize and sympathize with the female in the house re the way his father's behavior effects her, he will have a natural propensity to emulate his father's behavior as "normal". And then, by not bringing his dad's bad behavior to his attention and not being clear about your intent to no longer tolerate it - you're tacitly indicating that it's okay for him to do to women what his father does to you.

That's not okay. He's not 10 years old. Sit him down and tell him you know why he feels the way he does; then, tell him how you feel and why.

IleneW 08/24/2015

I'm so sorry that
you're sad.

But you are
NOT helpless.

This is the number
for your state's
women's resources:

888-774-2900

Please give them
a call and talk
with them

Also, if your son tells
you he doesn't want
you to divorce, you
don't have to.

But you CAN separate.

Frankly, since this is
the time of his life
when your son is
learning how to
relate to a partner,
it's the very moment
in his life to see that
no one deserves to
be abused.

Please call that number
and take good care of
yourself.

topazmoon1968 08/24/2015

Thanks so much for the advice. I have definitely told him it is not OK to treat women that way. Luckily, he is an amazing kid and he tells me that he knows it is wrong, He even tells my husband it is wrong. I just don't want him to think I am not strong I will definitely have another talk with him, and make some phone calls. I do want to set a good example for him, as he is definitely my top priority right now.

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