Hi Radrm, so sorry you're feeling down. Something that really helped me when I was leaving my sociopathic ex was to 1) talk to people who saw him for who he was and 2) just reflecting on his character traits (someone egocentric, callous, vicious, unempathetic, does not care if his own family lives or dies, the list goes on) so eventually something kind of clicked, as in "why would I want to spend my life with someone with those traits?" I mean he's the closest thing to a monster.

And that led me to reflect on my future with him, as in what could I expect if I ever gained a lot of weight or if I became ill or disabled, how would this SOCIOPATH react? and I started thinking of all these possibilities, like maybe he'd take out a life insurance on me and let me have an "accident." Maybe he'd just neglect me so much I would die on my own (which if I were disabled and no longer any use for him he'd probably celebrate).

Just reflecting on these things is what eventually caused a sort of shift in my brain. I slowly began losing interest in the relationship and in him and I started developing a deep disgust for him and what he stood for (since pretty much everything he stood for was evil). To the point that one day I found myself being annoyed by the fact that he wanted to hang out. I couldn't believe it at first because I had loved this guy so much, but there I was annoyed by the idea of seeing him lol. That's when I was able to really move on.

So I would say talk to people who know the real him, and just reflect not only on his behavior but on his character traits and on what the future with him would be like.

Good luck :)

Thanks Heather I think thats a good idea. I did even think of what today would have been like if he was here and I know I would have wasted my whole day doing everything he wanted and I would not have got the lawn done with my son and the dead tree cut down or anything. I would have had to be quiet all day because he works at night and then cook dinner and have way more laundry to do and I would have had to keep all my thoughts locked up because if I talk about anything real with him he gets angry. I would not be able to express myself at all. I would be miserable and full of anxiety. Instead I am relaxed and feel like I accomplished something today. I still plan to do more like mop the floors and finish my 1 load of laundry. He made a lot of dirty clothes because he wore 3 shirts, long johns and jeans socks, etc... and I had to do laundry all the time!! I only had two loads this week and my son and I did our whites together to make al load. All the bills are less than half now too! Him and his kid and grandkid had all the TV's on 24/7 plus lights and everything. Our bills are less than 1/3 of what they were last time!! Plus he never paid the bills on time he would just pay them when the next months were coming in already. I got jacked up with money when he left because of that. The bills came in the same week and he hadn't paid the last months bills. i hated that too! I pay them all when they come in. I dont like to do things his way. There that feels better!

Just over 3 weeks today for me and I'm feeling the same. We'll get through it. I'm looking forward to Christmas Day. I haven't hugged my daughter for 2 weeks now (she's staying at my mother's) but when I finish work on Christmas Eve I'll be heading straight up there and on Christmas Morning we're going to wake up to a proper family Christmas and I'll get an enormous hug from my daughter and watch her open her presents in a happy relaxed environment surrounded by people who love her. Its going to be our best Christmas ever.

You'll be starting your new year abuse free. Next year, you can do whatever you want to do. You could start doing something you've never tried before, you could go somewhere you've always dreamed of and there is always that possibility that maybe you'll meet a wonderful man and start the relationship you should have had first time around. If you want something to be excited about, all you have to do is think of what that something is and aim for it.

We're free. Just keep holding on to that x

Rad...I didn't see this message. I'm sorry you were sad. Everyone gave you such good advice already. Don't give up now...you are doing well!