Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I will try and present my situation as best I can. I am married to a man who cannot be questioned - about anything. If I ask him why he feels a certain way, or what he means by something.....he responds with "what are you starting something?" and walks out of the room. It is to the point that I cannot discuss anything important with him. I have expressed how I would like to discuss things and how I am merely asking for his point of view, but he says "cut it out," raises his voice, and walks away.
I am to the point where I can feel my blood pressure rise each time this happens....which is any time I ask him anything.
I've explained to him how I want to be married to my best friend and how I want to share, but he can't seem to have that conversation. Cuts me off and ends it abruptly. It does not matter if I want to talk some more - when he's done, it's done and he does not seem to care about how I feel.
By the way this is nothing new. His father was that way too and was very hard on my husband growing up and I think that when my husband is questioned he feels as though it is a criticism and he shuts down. I even tried to discuss this with him very gently and explained that I am not criticizing him, I really want to hear what he is thinking, get his point of view, and he told me to "shut up." He starts rubbing his head as though he is in terrible pain, shakes his head from side to side, and talks on top of me if I say anything else. When I stop talking he will never bring it up to say that he even for a minute sees my point of view, never will apologize, and the next day acts as though everything is fine. I feel as though I am dealing with a disrespectful child who I cannot relate to on an equal level.
Just this evening he came home from a restaurant with a friend where he said he had a terrible plate of soup. I asked him if he sent it back and he "what are you starting?" and he walked out of the room.
What do you make of this? Any advice?
I am to the point where I can feel my blood pressure rise each time this happens....which is any time I ask him anything.
I've explained to him how I want to be married to my best friend and how I want to share, but he can't seem to have that conversation. Cuts me off and ends it abruptly. It does not matter if I want to talk some more - when he's done, it's done and he does not seem to care about how I feel.
By the way this is nothing new. His father was that way too and was very hard on my husband growing up and I think that when my husband is questioned he feels as though it is a criticism and he shuts down. I even tried to discuss this with him very gently and explained that I am not criticizing him, I really want to hear what he is thinking, get his point of view, and he told me to "shut up." He starts rubbing his head as though he is in terrible pain, shakes his head from side to side, and talks on top of me if I say anything else. When I stop talking he will never bring it up to say that he even for a minute sees my point of view, never will apologize, and the next day acts as though everything is fine. I feel as though I am dealing with a disrespectful child who I cannot relate to on an equal level.
Just this evening he came home from a restaurant with a friend where he said he had a terrible plate of soup. I asked him if he sent it back and he "what are you starting?" and he walked out of the room.
What do you make of this? Any advice?
What would I make of it? My take, from what you'
you've described is that your husband's dysfunctional
family of origin makes him a not very functional life
partner.
Advice:
Decide on what you want from your life.
If it's to share the joys and challenges
of life with a best friend and loving life
partner, I'd say to consider getting some
counseling of your own and set goals on
how to deal with where you are presently
and where you want to be in five, ten and
fifteen years.
All the best to you. Take good care.
Take good care and let us all know how you are doing. Good luck