You go girl. You are doing the right thing by not responding. Can you block him from your cell phone so you don't have to change your number? Just a thought.

What he did was childish to say the least, and you are showing that you are the better person by not responding. What is the reference to "enemy?" Is there a restraining order or is it some sort of thinly veiled threat? From the outside this just looks like a childish remark intended to make you feel bad, but that is a strange choice of words.

Like you i took to ignoring the texts and I didn't want to change my number but in the end i rang up my phone company and for 10 they changed it within 5 minutes, no hassle and i then emailed/texted everyone to tell them my new number (well, not everyone of course!) and the texts and calls stopped and i feel so much better for doing it. I know you might feel like you shouldn't have to, but personally i found it one of the best things idid for peace of mind and being able to move on.

Just a question - but did you delete the texts or did you save them? Well done you for not responding to him, but if you didn't delete them then you are torturing yourself with messages from an abuser.

As for the date - give it a try if you feel up to it. That may be exactly what you need to give yourself a bit of a break.

both rev and freddy have good points blocking him or the simple change is a very good idea.

You are right though he is trying to get you defensive so that you will respond. It is childish what he is doing he is doing whatever he can to get a response out of you. And he will pick the things he knows will hurt you the worst also just in case it either gets you to talk to him or to hurt you reguardless.

Go on the date, why not have fun. Get a free meal out of it if anything. Just go and have fun and let loose. You deserve it after so long. give yourself that treat. It will take time to get over all the hurt but in time you will get better.

Good luck! and let us know about the date! We also like to hear good things too! :)

Thanks so much for the excellent replies.

There is no restraining order. (If only emotional abuse were recognized...)

I called phone company and I'd have to block all text messages, and could block him from calling. I wonder if that will give him the "reaction" he's looking for.

I am treating him more as a threat than I ever thought possible. He has a history of violence and has never laid a hand on me, but again, emotionally very violent (if that makes sense - that's how it feels anyway.)

Yes I did delete the texts ASAP. The guy is obviously dealing with mental illness issues that I understand, vary at times and if left untreated can escalate (he went off his meds cold turkey soon into our relationship and has been off and on them since.)

I got alot of comfort in reading a wikipedia page on "Antisocial Personality Disorder" as a way of understanding his type, whether or not he has this. I don't have to take it personally.

I think when I'm underslept and overworked as I tend to get some days, it is harder to weather this storm. I just try to focus on my successes and not let his drama drag me down (anymore).

Truly, thanks again so much :)

Oh honey have I got news for you! I am living proof that emotional abuse can be proved and documented.

My children and I were emotionally abused by my ex. As soon as he left I went right to the court house and filed for an order of protection. Also CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved. I told the judge everything and how I did not fear for my life per say yet and I told the judge that I was not sure what my ex was capable of but I told him everything that he said to me and the rude phone calls and the yelling he did to me etc etc. I laid it all out. I cried during the whole proceeding, but I did it. And I got the order of protection. I even got a court ordered privacy note for my new phone number. Also cps investigated my case and he was indicated for domestic violence. And this was all based on emotional abuse and some physical abuse he did on the children. My therapist talked with the investigator as well as my sons therapist. He now can not call me unless it is because of a missed visitation with my son. He has monitored visitations with my son, and he can not leave the county with my son. He is very restricted in the visitations he is not allowed to have other people with him diring the visitations and he only has my son 4 hours on sat and 4 hours on sunday every other week. And I drop my son off at the police station. Also it helped my divorce case which is at the present time on going but looking well.

So yes you can prove emotional abuse, it is possible and I want you to know that. It takes a lot to do it but dig your heels in and tell the whole story. The toughest part is rehashing the story to strangers who are investigating, but also it is worth it. It gives me a peace of mind that I do not have to worry about what my ex will say or do because if he does say or do anything I am at the police station. Also he is about to lose his visitation rights with our son. So please please dont think it is a lost cause because it isnt.Save the messages that he leaves you (dont relisten to them) but save them for evidence. Get a tape recorder and if he ever says anything to you and he is around be sure to have it on. It is not on us to prove that he did it it is on them to prove they didnt. I know you can do this! It is possible I did it!
Also go to the local domestic violence unit and talk with them for help on how to do it in your state. They helped me a great deal and theywere there by my side through it all.

Please let me know how it goes!!

yes the hurtful texts get to you...try to just delete them without reading if you dont want to change your number

The comment on order of protection brought up a lot of thoughts for me.

I don't really want an order of protection at this point, but I am glad to see emotional abuse can be taken seriously at courts.

Years past I did have a restraining order from another ex, more to keep me away from him, because I couldn't let go of the rage I felt towards how I'd been treated. I do remember some of the questions involved emotional abuse, but I had pages and pages of stalking behavior documented thanks to journals. This is not the case here. I never called police when he broke the restraining order rules. That wasn't my motive. In fact, 2 years in to the 3 year restraining order, we got back together for a bit. Mistake of course. During our last argument, police were called, and he was escorted away (he refused to leave as I'd asked him to repeatedly and it became heated.) It was only after he was making accusations about me of violence and I had a cop calling me about it, that I finally told police I had the restraining order, and they backed off. I never used it to try to get him in trouble, only to let myself remember that he was dangerous and I needed to stay away (hopefully I've come some ways since then.) I know this situation is unique.

I know for me, fearing someone, and overcoming that, is a spiritual journey, and no court or cop or piece of paper can save me from what I fear. He's since leaving me alone - for now. I pray for him daily and this eases my resentments, which is what I really want to do - feel better.