Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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rockym 06/01/2011

We had a big blow out last night. He was very disrespectful to me in front of our neighbors. I go in the house, slam the door, I am pissed. he comes in and continues to argue about something so stupid and tells me I am stupid because I didn't understand what he was talking about. Apparently he sent me an email at work earlier in the day, I must have missed it or it got spammed and point out that I get over 100 emails a day at work and I am not getting paid to sit around and wait for him to call or email me. He calls me a fucking bitch and then proceeds to tell me I am lazy and a worthless piece of shit. Mind you, I have not resorted to name calling at any point of this argument. This is probably one of the worst incidences we have had, I was in shock that he said the worthless part to me. I just shook my head in awe and said I really can't believe you are saying this to me. I then told him I was tired of the verbal and emotional abuse he's been doling out to me and the kids and now that our youngest is doing it to me I WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE! The minute I mentioned 'abuse' he started in on saying he is not going to go to the therapist because I would make out that everything is his fault and that I think I am perfect. I have never said that nor have I believed it. I don't even think I act like that. Then he pulls the "so maybe I should just leave, why are we even together?' card and I looked at him and said, "I have no idea!' He paces around the house telling me he's going to leave. i tell him he won't becasue this is a pattern, he'll just go outside for a while or take a ride and come back. So he goes, then he starts texting me telling me how fucked up our lives are. I text back tellin g him I am not going to play the poor husband act nor am I going to play the texting game. Of course he texts back and says 'I don't know why I do this, something is wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it'. No no freaking duh! I just went to bed, nothing resolved as usual and I don't think he'll come to the therapist with me tomorrow. I have changed the appointment so much the therapist doesn't believe he's coming. I changed it again yesterday. I was supposed to go today at noon, I told him my H would come but had to the Thursday. he emailed me back made an appt for Thursday but said he would keep the Wed appt with me, just in case. Maybe he sees something I don't at this point...or am beginning to realize. Maybe I am stupid if it took 21 years to get it. I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.

IleneW 06/01/2011

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

In regards to couple counseling, please
check out the thread on that topic, which
I'll bump up for you, as soon as I post
this one.

In essence, abusive relationships don't
get fixed in couple counseling. They often
get worse, and sometimes the target of
the abuse is put at increased risk.

Counseling doesn't help abusive relationships
because it's not the relationship that's having
problems. . . . . it's that there's abuse being
perpetrated. A relatively healthy relationship
might be helped by couples counseling. An
abusive relationship almost never is.

I hope you'll sit down and materialize for yourself
your vision for your (and your childrens') future.

After that, call your state's hotline:

(402)476-6256

and see if they have any services that
can support you.

Good luck with the counseling
and take good care of yourself.

rockym 06/01/2011

Thanks Ilene. Someone else had bumped the couples counseling post for me last week and I read through it. It was really discouraging. The counseling was originally to be for my husband and I to help our 13yr old ADHD/ODD son who is really struggling. He had made a few comments about his dad not caring because he never went to counseling with us. My son ended up refusing to go to counseling. I was hoping to get my H involved to show our son that he does care, I believe he does, but just doesn't know how or care to deal with the issues. I kept going to the therapist on my own hoping he would be able to help me help my son and he has but a lot of stuff has come up about my relationship with my H and how it connects to our children. In one session, he was asking me a lot of questions about my husband, I answered and I always try to be respectful of him as I would not want someone sitting in a room with a counselor telling them what an asshole I am without me being there to defend myself. That day the therapist said that it sounds like my H is really in need of counseling for himself. I guess I am just hoping he will go and realize this, I think deep down he knows. It may just be a last attempt to save our marriage. If it doesn't work, I am not sure what I will do, but I am not taking his crap anymore just because he is so stressed out. Even when he has nothing to be stressed over, he looks for stuff to stress over. In the meantime, I am not going to be a prisoner in my own home, I am going to do things I want to do and not worry about what he thinks and ignore his attempt to convince me not to do whatever it is. Over the past years I have declined so many invitations to events with friends and family just to avoid the argument with him. I have always been supportive of him doing stuff on his own. The end result is, he has friends to invite to our son's graduation party, and I have been racking my brain for friends of my own other than my sisters to invite and can only come up with one person who happens to be a close co-worker. I am very angry with myself for letting it come to this.

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