Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I finally filed for divorce after 25 years of abuse. He is a sociopath(so says my therapist..he meet with her a couple times) He had an affair 5 yrs ago,begged me to take him back, I did, then after being back for almost 4 yrs he couldn't take it any more because I didn't trust him(LOL) so he wanted to leave. he stayed until July,when he finally left. I filed for divorce immediately(he says I went for the throat..??don't get it..then when I started no contact he says I'm pushing him away??What does he think Divorce is??Wanted to be friends..he had a girlfriend again!!) He had threated to kill me about 2 months before he left, and since hes been gone I've learned he also abused our girls..Anyway,my question..we both deliver newspapers at the same company. He ALWAYS picked up his papers at 3a.m.has for almost 6 yrs.When he left, I changed my time to 2 a.m. so I could avoid him. somehow he found out when I went and now he is there at the same time. I have had my attorney advise his that I'm afraid and not to be there at the same time..he has been told 3times..the last time was almost 2 weeks ago at court when my lawyer lost it, swore and told him to advise my husband to stay away..he still shows up at the exact time i do every night. I don't want to get a restraining order.it will put him over the edge. He already only has supervised visitation(hasn't started yet) under the watch of a therapist and police..I know him and know I'm in danger,so I don't want to rock the boat too much..I will do what I have to,but have to tread very lightly. Any suggestions??I have tried multiple times to go earlier,later you name it..somehow finds out and shows up at same time. I think its a power thing..do I just pretend like i don't care,and then it won't give him the satisfaction anymore??He has a girlfriend,so why won't he just leave me alone??
Why do they do it? I found he did everything he could to have whatever little control he could have even up until the end. Even after the judge ruled what things were mine/his, he kept my things and would not let me get them. There were threats to hold him in contempt of court. In the end, I never even got my things as I was just so tired of it. I just wanted to get on with my life.
1. he has been warned/ told several times
2. he feels that he is above the law or that they don't pertain to him.
3. he has chosen his actions
4. now he must endure the consequence of his choice = TRO
YOU are not doing this to him...HE has chosen this though his actions.
You feel in danger...that's enough
Be at peace with your decision. Make a decision based on what is best you. You are not responsible for his reactions or how it will make him feel. That's on him.
None of this is easy, but it's not gonna go away on it's own.
Hugs
Seawee
He has been warned, he must be held accountable - by the authorities. I get that it's scary, and I get the reasons why. I had many of the same fears, but for as long as you are proving to him that he's above the law, he'll continue to play whatever games he wants.
If you really don't want to go the legal route, then I'd suggest continue to ignoring him. If all you're doing is picking up papers, then it's only for a short time...then I'd imagine you're outta there. The quickest way to get to an abuser is to ignore him and be unphased by anything he does. It may take months, but he'll eventually stop. If not, then get that restraining order. Wishing you the best.
Abusers never, ever let go of their favorite victims.
Get pepper spray and have a cell phone handy at all times, but don't let him cross the line. He is asserting his authority over you every time he shows up at the same time.
Hugs to you, I know just how you feel. Was also married to a sociopath for almost 12 years, divorced for 6+ years, he still tries to "tweak" me as much as possible via our son and from afar.
I totally agree with wvartgirl.
GET THE RESTRAINING ORDER!!!!!!!!!!
Also, get connected with your
local D.V. center.
The more witnesses you have,
the harder it becomes for him
to hurt you. And get his threats
into the official record!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take good care of yourself.
Your bit losing it, you are afraid and you know what, if I was in your situation I would be sacred as well and I know for a fact I would have those images inside my head!
I can't stop those thoughts entering your head but I can tell you this much,
Everything he is doing is designed to fuck with your mind and life and your experiencing the effects of it. It is 100% not normal what he is doing and 100% normal and understandable what your going through because of what he's doing!
Get the pepper spray and phone with you, tell friends and family where u r going at all times, report every single evidence, the car following you tell the police so they have it on record and if u see it again call the police and ask them to come right away, they will already have all the details of the fact your ex is doing what he is doing and if they catch him following you then you can press charges of harassment!
Just document and report and don't ignore anything! This guy will carry on and may get worse the more he thinks he can get away with, xxxx
Ps keep posting here, we will support u always, this is a wonderful site and incredibly helpful xxxx