Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Elijahblu 01/27/2010

I've been with my son's father for about 8 years although he's always been abusive is some form he's recently become physically abusive. I took an order out from the courts. Thing is he has pancreatic cancer and I've tried to be considerate of that when he begs and cries for me to come back saying he need "us" but I can't do it anymore. I've tried any and every way I can. This time he said he was dying so I let my guards down for 2 days and he was at it again. I can't do it anymore but I don't want the guilt of turning my back and then he passes? Any suggestionsexperience anyone?

deleted_user 01/27/2010

Wow, that is a dilemma. If he can still manage to be abusive, especially physically- (not that emotional and verbal aren't just as bad in my book)he doesn't have the right to ask you to do anything and you shouldn't feel bad for not wanting to be someone's "whipping boy". I think you should work on practicing "detached caring"...by that I mean you stay away. God never asked nobody to be anyone elses doormat. I know I've thrown in a lot of sayings here, but they are just so true! I hope that you can release yourself and know in your heart that you were kinder and stuck around longer than most people would have. You deserve a life too. He has made his choice about what's important to him...ABUSE. To me, that negates any further need for you to feel indebted to him in any way. Strong words I know, but he has begged you to come back and then chosen to abuse you when you had mercy on him and did. Now it is time for you to move on. I truly believe God/the universe or whatever/whoever you believe in will understand. Maybe he has a karmic lesson he must learn from this??? I wish you the best and hope that you will take some of what I've said to heart. As long as he is abusing you, you have no place there. HUGS!

calmzone 01/27/2010

I agree with feellike ~ it doesn't mean your a not a compassionate person if you turn your back on your abuser, no matter what their situation. So you even tried to help him, and he still abuses you. Not surprising, but very telling...

To me, they are totally void of what it means to truly be human. Where was he when you were in pain from HIS OWN hand?? Now he expects you to forgive and forget because he NEEDS you. Sorry, he's committed unspeakable crimes against you and doesn't deserve the time of day. Of course, he's completely oblivious to the continued pain and possible physical ailments YOU may suffer because of his abuse.

I handed my guilt and the responsibility of feeling sorry for my ex over to God. I'm not capable of that level of graciousness.

IleneW 01/27/2010

Here's what I'd do:

I'd make sure he's connected with social services and has a case manager. Having done that, I'd say: I didn't turn my back on you. I did what was important to make sure that you get the care you need. I treated you with love even after you abused me. Go with God.

And then ---- I'm outta there, leaving with a clear conscience and my self-respect.

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