It takes time. I'm out 3 months and I struggle with the same thing. I didn't care about work, going out with friends etc. Even walking the dog seemed like a hassle. All I can say is I think you need to force yourself to get out there...even if it's only for a short walk each day. Keep interacting with people even if it's only short, superficial interactions. Give yourself an "out" in social situations so if you become overwhelmed or anxious you can just quietly retreat. It will be slow going so try and be patient. I'm getting better at work...attending meetings and actually wanting to participate/contribute (ya, me!), but I'm still not too motivated to socialize and do things I once enjoyed. Right now I'm just focused on walking the dog everyday. Hang in there! Hugs!

One thing that helped me was somehow wanting to prove to myself that I wasn't all the things my girlfriend called me. That may not be the healthiest motivational tool, but in the few months after I broke up with her, I re-decorated my spare bedroom, re-did my kitchen, and worked endlessly on some hobbies and artwork. She claimed I was cheap, lazy, messy, and had poor taste. and after awhile after trying to prove her wrong, I realized I never was any of the above, and the reason I was behind on so many things I wanted to do was because I was emotionally damaged and preoccupied while I was dating her.

I also was motivated to do things just so I wasn't home alone with too much time to think. So, I would ride my bike, go for walks, and socialize as much as I could.

What you feel is normal, unfortunately.

Some good advice above. The other thing that might help is counselling - what you describe sounds a lot like clinical depression (though I am of course not qualified to diagnose, nor would I attempt to do so from one paragraph on line). So if you haven't already, maybe seek out a counsellor who specialises in recovery from abuse. It may also be that an anti-depressant will help short term, until you get back on your feet. I myself felt the same way - I saw a counsellor but avoided anti-depressants. I sometimes wonder whether that avoidance was the wisest course, since I ended up losing my business (which was also a start-up at the time) due to my own inability to work it properly. But no regrets, and no way of knowing the 'what ifs". I'm only saying this to give you some ideas to consider.

Great advice already posted. I keep thinking about how emotionally draining dealing with all this is. Even after you separate, you still have plenty of stuff to deal with- you just aren't living in the environment.

I've had quite a few periods like what you're describing and I was just mentally overloaded. My brain could not swirl anymore so detaching was a way for me to keep my brain so to speak.

You want to be motivated. You state that so that tells me you're already in the right direction. i'm not sure how long you were in your relationship but if it went on long enough you need time to figure out who you are and what you even want to do let alone do it.

I do believe in the power of positive thinking. That doesn't mean denying what is true but choosing to not let it define you. I can be in a funk and it I don't work at it I can easily choose to stay in that funk just by my bitter or depressed outlook.

What purpose is your distancing serving? How does it benefit you? That might be the key to understanding the reason. Could it be you don't know what you want to do, feel just generally too overwhelmed temporarily, don't feel capable and doubt this will change or a myriad of other reasons.

But as Liv said, it is normal (unfortunately). Hopefully that information alone gives you some comfort.

Your future is not bleak..it's good ! I know it takes time for us to ''deprogram'' ourselves when we first get out of an abusive relationship. Celebrate you getting away from him. A lot of battered women never get a second chance to start their life over..Think positive thoughts..not negative. Think of all the things you do have, and not what you don't. You are safe. You also could be depressed. Go see a doctor, and maybe some meds. might help. You are not alone.

thank you so much for your replies, im glad its normal, kind of easier to deal with when its a normal thing. I have made a list of things that I enjoy and things that look fun to do to try and get me back.

I started working from home only a couple of days after my ex left our home. It's been three months and I still have days where I'm not very productive. I've been forcing myself to get out and meet new people. When I come home after a hang out session wasn't very fun, I feel terrible. I have noticed the time spent feeling terrible has reduced each time. However, when I do have fun, I feel like myself again for a day, and I can tell that good feeling is stretching out even longer.

Mornings are still the hardest part of the day, but I'm getting better at forcing myself out of bed on time. I just keep reminding myself on a bad day that it's not always going to be like this. And doing the bare minimum is okay.