i don't know about you, but the process of leaving my ex was like carrying 700 tons of marbles straight up a steel wall while getting bit in the eyes by spiders. i was jacked up, sleeping 2 hours a night for months (my ex tried to convince me i was bipolar and in a manic phase - i told him it was a MANIAC phase and he was the maniac in question) i also woke up in the middle of the night with panic attacks too rude to let me sleep through them and had blurred vision so bad i bought a catcher's mitt at the store thinking it was a bunch of bananas.

but then i crashed, with an exhaustion that made swallowing seem like too much effort. i drank water by spilling it on my lap and letting it soak into my skin. i stopped caring about anything except finding opportunities to sleep. i got depressed and horizontal, and that's where it sounds like you are, and yeah, it's sort of hard to have a life. but i feel like it is part of the healing process.....living with/leaving an abuser takes an enormous amount of energy, and then theres a vacuum where you used to be and you have to reconnect with that person and deal with THAT whole thing....it's tiring. so i say sleep, and don't judge yourself about it, maybe use the opportunity to watch a lot of reality tv.

focus on healing. if you can't bring yourself to draw, write. or talk. or get yourself outside, even for a minute. with the healing will come your energy, the more in balance you are the better you'll feel. make sure you eat well....crappy food will make you feel like a zombie.

my ex left the house 16 months ago, and for the most part, i feel good. we share a child so i can't go no contact but i limit my interactions with him to brief texts, i don't even go to the door when he picks up my son. however, a recent issue with him that was pretty minor knocked the wind out of me, and i suddenly lost all my energy. i felt like i had to recover, like after a car accident. I was flat on my back all weekend staring into space but had my mojo back by monday.

so give yourself a little time, and consider maybe the depression means you are still working some things out, so work them out, in pajamas. you'll feel better soon.

Pinkstarra,

I agree with vernacular. You are healing, it sounds like depression but it sounds like your working through it. It's part of the process. My advise is to sleep if you feel like sleeping, veg out if you feel like vegging out. Prioritize and be honest with yourself about what you're really up to doing. If you can get out of bed in the morning, shower, pay your bills, do what you need to do, the bare minimum, when it's the last thing on the planet you feel like doing-recognize that as the amazing accomplishment it is and don't minimize the trauma you've been through and what it does to the body, mind and spirit. Don't hold yourself up to any ideal of what you "should" look like, feel like, act like 10 months after a breakup-this is not just any break up.

vernacular-if you'd ate that catcher's mitt for your morning's breakfast THAT'S when you should start to worry-everything else sounds like normal, crappy, black hole depression, post-abuser breakup stuff to me.

I went through this phase, too. It really does take some time to get back to yourself after focusing on the black hole of an abuser for so long. You need plenty of rest and relaxation. When I was in that stage, I liked to watch films. My favorites were: Love, Actually (cried through the entire movie, though it's a comedy) and Under the Tuscan Sun, which is a great divorce movie. It's truly cathartic to focus on something else you can relate to and just cry.

That being said, I would also recommend that you see a doctor and have a check-up, blood work and all. Just to make sure all is in order. Abuse can have lots of physical effects.

Hugs.

What you describe is, sadly, normal. The best thing you can do is practice self care. Part of that would include therapy with a qualified therapist who specializes in recovery from trauma & abuse. Qualified means they have done extra studies in this area.

It takes time to recover from the trauma and what feels like depression can be grief as the symptoms are very similar. Even tho the relationship was abusive, it doesn't mean we won't grieve the many facets of the loss, like the loss of the dream of who we thought they were and where we thought the relationship was headed.

Allow yourself to feel & honor your feelings w/o judgment. Seek therapy. Sleep when you need to. Eat well & go for walks. Spend time in nature. And don't judge or be hard on yourself.

~hugs~

Yes. . . . .

Self-care is pretty much
the "silver bullet.

Abuse is draining.

But you had the
wherewithall to
escape your abuser.

Good for you!!!!!!

Now, you're recovering
and it's time for

self-care,
Self-Care
SELF-CARE.

Self-care is practically
a "silver bullet." If you
practice self-care
consistently,

your'e energy
and ENTHUSIASM
WILL return.
It may take time,
but it WILL RETURN.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and
joie de vivre.

hi pinstarra. along with the other members have said, I also recommend having your iron level checked. If you are anemic (sp?) it can make you very tired.

also, how's your diet? like others said, self-care but with healthy food that you enjoy..my fav...caramel apples, dried fruit, spinach quiche.

hope u feel better.

Thank you so much everyone, it helps to know it's normal, will do what I can and try not to beat myself up when I don't have the energy. As to my diet, it's pretty appalling to be honest, I am a terrible comfort eater but am going to see a nutritionist soon, she was recommended to me by friends so hopefully that will help.