Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Well, I am not sure how I found myself here, a thought I am sure many can relate to having crossed their mind. I am beginning to discover how unhealthy my relationship is with my husband, and yet, I am still so confused as to what I should do. How can someone make you feel guilty when you want to spend time with your friends and family? How can someone pressure you into believing that you better make the "right" decision? Or, when some of your family lives 2 hours away, you better make it home before 10 o'clock. Or, when your step-mom gives you wine glasses for Christmas, you better throw them out because he doesn't want to be with someone who drinks. When you go to residency for school in another state, you better answer his every call, or we might as well get divorced. And yet, I was so afraid of those words, and I still am. "Or we might as well get divorced" Am I that horrible, that I need to be threatened with divorce? I guess I just always blamed myself for how he treated me, and that I deserved it. But, now I am starting to feel as though I deserve better. He claims he will change, but can he? If he does, can I move forward from the pain he has caused? Where do I go from here?
- Confused Soul
- Confused Soul
I'm also sorry to say that everything you describe is textbook/classic abuse. I can relate, especially to the threats of divorce. Every 6 months or so since the beginning of the marriage, he threatened the "D" word. Of course he NEVER followed thru. As a matter of fact, after almost 4 decades, I was the one to file and he never got a lawyer. I don't think he believed I would actually go thru with it.
Oh, and the claims that he will change? Total and complete BS. If I had a nickle for every time I heard that, I would be a rich woman. The chances of an abuser changing for the better are less than 2%! The chances of an abuser changing for the worse are 99.9999999%
I'm sorry to say that the only thing your husband said that makes any sense is that you might as well get divorced. Seriously, RUN, don't walk to the nearest divorce attorney and get out NOW.
I say that because it WILL GET WORSE.
After you see an attorney, please find a qualified therapist who had additional training over and above their schooling in recovery from abuse and trauma.
You absolutely do deserve better. Please listen to your inner knowing and not him. And take good care of you!
~healing hugs~
and didn't have time to
reply but I saw MTC
already had, and was
happy to know you'd
already gotten such
wise advise.
Here:
800-942-6906
Is the number for
your state's women's
services. Please call
them right away.
You DO deserve better.
You deserve that BEST
that life has to offer.
You're ENTITLED to
a life FREE of abuse!
Please call that number.
Also, be sure to take good
care of yourself.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and better days.