Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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How soon to date again?

jojo42
jojo42
I left last March and divorce will be final in 2 weeks. I refuse to let the stbx ruin any future relationships. I feel as if I have bounced back to myself rather nicely. A man I have worked with for 18 years asked me out. We have worked some side by side and some in different buildings. None the less I have been friends with him for 18 years. I have watched him and observed his temperment. He is dead opposite of my stbx. You could not ask for a different human. He has been single for a long time. His ex had an affair. He was crushed. I know some women gravitate towards the same type of man. Not me. He is so opposite he makes me melt. LOL. Other men have asked me out and I have said no up until now....
So what do you think? My 20 year old girl will be fine, my son worries me. He is 15 and loves his mommy.
Too soon?
deleted_user
deleted_user
In my opinion, just talk with your son. It is good if he feels comfortable with this as well. I will date when my divorce is final but that is just the way I am. Everyone is different. I feel I would be cheating, even though my H is already living with another girl. Like I said, it is up to you as a person and how you feel about it. You need to feel ready and comfortable doing it as well. Most women have the "gut" feeling and usually it is right.
jojo42
jojo42
Oh I can and will wait another two weeks. I feel as if I am ready.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like you are ready so go for it. I also met someone so different from my ex and it was nice validation that I do not generally make bad choices, that it was not me or that at least I have learned from my mistakes. Good luck. Just take it slow for your son's sake but mom's are allowed to date.
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
I agree with the others. There is no "time limit". As long as you feel ready, you don't feel like you will spend the whole date talking about what an a'hole the ex was, you feel you will spot red flags if they appear and run from them (but without spending your whole time SEARCHING for red flags), then I think you're ready.

As for your son, talk to him about it when he needs to know. He may not need to know about a first date, that's up to you. But as long as you make sure he knows that no new man will mean you love him less, and that no new man will be his "new dad", then he will just have to accept that you are a woman and have a right to your own happiness.