Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I had to share this
The best thing ever!!
How NOT To Recover From An Emotionally Abuse Relationship -Top 10 Tips==============================================
1.
Keep telling yourself why you needed the relationship towork. You went into the relationship wanting and needing certain
things. Your abusive partner failed to deliver these on a
regular, predictable, consistent basis. And yet you're still
holding onto the hope that he could deliver one day.. If you
used UPS, and they only delivered, say, 20-30% of the time, would
you keep on using them? Or would you say: "That's not good
enough?"
2.
Tell yourself he's the only person who can meet your needs.How can you know if this is really true? Have you done a survey
of all the men in your county - if not your country - between the
ages of 29 and 89? Or is it a more - or less - educated guess on
your part?
3.
Keep focusing on trying to rewrite the past. If you were to
try to get through your day walking backwards everywhere, you'd
probably chalk up a fair few knocks and disasters. And yet, that
is exactly what you are doing emotionally.
4.
Stay in contact with him "just in case". Just in case
what? In case his personality transplant finally happens. In
case he has a change of heart, or sees the light? Instead of
explaining - again, at length - why that's not going to happen,
let me ask you something: why do you think he stays in contact
with you? Could it be because he knows there is still some "use
value" in you, and he doesn't intend to miss out on it?
5.
Worry about his feelings. How do you even know what his
feelings are? Okay, I get it. You tell yourself that, at
bottom, his feelings are like your feelings. So, he's bound t o
be hurting and thinking about you, and wishing he could go back
in time. It's really touching to think of the two of you
worrying about his feelings and disregarding yours. At least
that's one thing you have in common.
6.
Give him another chance. Give him another chance to do
what, specifically? Do you lay down conditions and say: "You can
only have X amount of access to me, and only provided these
conditions are met?" Or do you lay yourself down as the Welcome
Mat all over again?
7.
Sacrifice your life, your plans, and your happiness for him
Life is not the L'Oreal advert. And he is not worth it. If
you're not sure what he is worth in terms of your life, here's a
very simple yardstick: as a result of the time you've spent with
him, what's better in your life? And what's worse?
8.
Magnify "the good times". Having a good relationship is allabout sharing good feelings, and relating in a caring way, 24-7.These days, I wouldn't keep a dog who was loving and playful someof the time, and spent the rest of the time snarling and waitingto bite my hand off; let alone a prtner. Nor should you. Youknow what they say about "once bitten"?9. Minimize his gruesomeness. Sure, you've had some good times
together - even he likes to enjoy good feelings with a partner
occasionally. It's another reminder to him about how lucky you
are to have him. But what about the things you really don't like
about him? Like the lies, and the callousness, the distasteful
Internet habits, the volatility and the leering at other women,
and all the things he does that cut you to the core. You know
these things matter to you.
10.
Listen to him. Unless he is threatening you - in which case
you need to contact the police - why on earth would you want to
listen to him? Chances are he will be intoning hymns from the
Abuser's Hymn Sheet. International favorites include:
"I see the error of my ways"
"I want no woman in my life but thee"
"I need you to save me"
"I'm doing great without you"
"You're making the biggest mistake of your life" and
"I am a quality woman magnet - and you're a waste of space"
(
sung to the tune of Lili Marlene)
Only listen carefully and you'll hear that his rendition is more
than a little mechanical, and out of tune. Even if you're tone
deaf, there's nothing whatsoever to be gained by listening to him
drone through his repertoire one more time.
Your life begins again when you finally understand: he's not the
most important thing in it, only the most self-important. Not an
attractive characteristic :-)
The best thing ever!!
How NOT To Recover From An Emotionally Abuse Relationship -Top 10 Tips==============================================
1.
Keep telling yourself why you needed the relationship towork. You went into the relationship wanting and needing certain
things. Your abusive partner failed to deliver these on a
regular, predictable, consistent basis. And yet you're still
holding onto the hope that he could deliver one day.. If you
used UPS, and they only delivered, say, 20-30% of the time, would
you keep on using them? Or would you say: "That's not good
enough?"
2.
Tell yourself he's the only person who can meet your needs.How can you know if this is really true? Have you done a survey
of all the men in your county - if not your country - between the
ages of 29 and 89? Or is it a more - or less - educated guess on
your part?
3.
Keep focusing on trying to rewrite the past. If you were to
try to get through your day walking backwards everywhere, you'd
probably chalk up a fair few knocks and disasters. And yet, that
is exactly what you are doing emotionally.
4.
Stay in contact with him "just in case". Just in case
what? In case his personality transplant finally happens. In
case he has a change of heart, or sees the light? Instead of
explaining - again, at length - why that's not going to happen,
let me ask you something: why do you think he stays in contact
with you? Could it be because he knows there is still some "use
value" in you, and he doesn't intend to miss out on it?
5.
Worry about his feelings. How do you even know what his
feelings are? Okay, I get it. You tell yourself that, at
bottom, his feelings are like your feelings. So, he's bound t o
be hurting and thinking about you, and wishing he could go back
in time. It's really touching to think of the two of you
worrying about his feelings and disregarding yours. At least
that's one thing you have in common.
6.
Give him another chance. Give him another chance to do
what, specifically? Do you lay down conditions and say: "You can
only have X amount of access to me, and only provided these
conditions are met?" Or do you lay yourself down as the Welcome
Mat all over again?
7.
Sacrifice your life, your plans, and your happiness for him
Life is not the L'Oreal advert. And he is not worth it. If
you're not sure what he is worth in terms of your life, here's a
very simple yardstick: as a result of the time you've spent with
him, what's better in your life? And what's worse?
8.
Magnify "the good times". Having a good relationship is allabout sharing good feelings, and relating in a caring way, 24-7.These days, I wouldn't keep a dog who was loving and playful someof the time, and spent the rest of the time snarling and waitingto bite my hand off; let alone a prtner. Nor should you. Youknow what they say about "once bitten"?9. Minimize his gruesomeness. Sure, you've had some good times
together - even he likes to enjoy good feelings with a partner
occasionally. It's another reminder to him about how lucky you
are to have him. But what about the things you really don't like
about him? Like the lies, and the callousness, the distasteful
Internet habits, the volatility and the leering at other women,
and all the things he does that cut you to the core. You know
these things matter to you.
10.
Listen to him. Unless he is threatening you - in which case
you need to contact the police - why on earth would you want to
listen to him? Chances are he will be intoning hymns from the
Abuser's Hymn Sheet. International favorites include:
"I see the error of my ways"
"I want no woman in my life but thee"
"I need you to save me"
"I'm doing great without you"
"You're making the biggest mistake of your life" and
"I am a quality woman magnet - and you're a waste of space"
(
sung to the tune of Lili Marlene)
Only listen carefully and you'll hear that his rendition is more
than a little mechanical, and out of tune. Even if you're tone
deaf, there's nothing whatsoever to be gained by listening to him
drone through his repertoire one more time.
Your life begins again when you finally understand: he's not the
most important thing in it, only the most self-important. Not an
attractive characteristic :-)
I wanted to add an addendum to # 2, not only is he the only one who can meet your needs, but the only one who will put up with you to meet your needs.
I was convinced by my ex for years that I was so lucky I had him, cause who else would want me?
Turned out when I left and actually talked to other guys, I'm a flipping catch! LMAO! Who knew huh?
LOL. That's so true. Abusers are like cars that look pretty good, but have bad engines. You can go through all the trouble of replacing all the external engine components such as the alternator and fuel injectors, but the only way you can make that car good is to replace the whole engine. The only way you "cure" an abuser to to cut out the segment of their brain that stores their personality, and replace it.
Thank you for this. Aside from the humor I found within it, it is very sound, quality advice!! We all need to remind ourselves everyday that we cannot harbor the notion that these people will change.
THANK YOU XX
i got it too//