Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I actually plan on him leaving but my basic question is this... Do I tell him every nitty gritty detail of the years of abuse led up to this or little bit or none at all? Hope that makes sense. They ALWAYS deny abuse and harmful words so what it he point of telling them BUT there are specific reasons for me doing this and I feel he is entitled to know them. Not his ability to pay bills, change the laundry or organize a vacation. It all boils down to the monthly screaming of how I am prideful, selfish, in my own little world, don't have a clue, no regard for anyone speaches that have ruined this. So far every time I told him I want to divorce I just say I am so tired and so tired of the fighting and so tired of the high school "he loves me, he loves me not" stuff at 42 years old. I have pointed out specifics but never uttered the word abuse.
Is there a point to telling them? If I was on the other receiving end I would want to know why my spouse is unhappy and wants a divorce.
Hope you all get my question! LOL! =)
Is there a point to telling them? If I was on the other receiving end I would want to know why my spouse is unhappy and wants a divorce.
Hope you all get my question! LOL! =)
Maybe the cold reality of you saying your done without any further explanation is the best approach.......
YOu have stated repeatedly how you have tried and tried to communicate and all of the various times at consoling and no change..........so I think that him having to face the consequences may be the best reality check you could provide for him........
This is just my humble opinion ..that and $4.50 will get you a venti at starbucks........
love and prayers to you and I am sure that what ever you say or do it will work out just fine
(((((HUGS))))))
DeeDee
The key to getting abuse and the abuser out of your life, and then how and what to say, is always SAFETY.
First you do whatever you have to do to separate safely.
Then, after that, what you share with whom depends on how realistically the person with whom you're sharing "gets" it.
Most abusers don't, and probably will never "get" it. The reality of their behavior will never make it through their wall of denial. So why bother? Why waste your precious energy?
Once you're safely out ---- HALLLELUJAH!!!!
Just keep on moving! The abuser is now his or her own problem.
Now you're a little wiser. Your next relationship may produce better results.
That's my experience and perspective.
Take care, and good luck.
Ilene
Like lleneW says..'Most abusers don't, and probably will never "get" it. The reality of their behavior will never make it through their wall of denial. So why bother? Why waste your precious energy?'
Also like lillyi says, 'the less you engage him, the less opportunity he has to tear down your resolve...'..That is SO true..
Sometimes my ex used me trying to hope that 'he got it'..To try to make me feel that he did..When his behaviours always showed the complete opposite..And trying to explain, just can stoke up totally futile hopes in us, that have likely kept us around for way too long, already..
Write it after you leave, if it makes YOU feel better..But truly, it is a total waste of your thoughts and effort..
(and $4.50 will get you a venti at starbucks........ I like it! Lol..)
At least you'd have something to show for it too!!
Good for you for refusuing to live like that any longer..You won't regret it.
'selfish, in my own little world, don't have a clue, no regard for anyone'...WRONG!!
You are just great the way you are..and deserve SO much better...Do let us know how it goes! Hugs!
I think I will be heading it to Starbucks now! LOL! Double shot mocha latte with a whip cream!YUM!
I'd leave him one of those smiley face cookies from Eat N Park and move on in life LOL