Healing happens.

I hope that you are in contact
with a qualified therapist or counselor.

A good one can be an enormous help.

The bio-psychological physiology
has showed with accumulating years
of imaging studies, that we're NOT
"in control" of the emotions we feel.

We have emotions because they
evolved as a survival mechanism.

We feel what we feel.

But the emotional center of our brain
is one component of a wonderful organ.
We have another part in our brain. We
can utilize the intellectual center of our
brain to understand ourselves and the
world around us.

When we connect those two parts of
the brain, we begin to be able to get
an increasing amount of control. Using
all our resources as well as reaching
out for support from others, empowers us.

There is no way to predict for any individual
how long recovery takes. Speaking for myself,
I've done lots of healing and am still in process.

I began feeling better as soon as I
freed myself ----- even just in my mind
and heart ----- from commitment to my
then-marriage. There were still more
years when I was physically within
that marriage. But I was already
on the road to recovery.

You can reach a time of feeling
well again, and STILL be in the
process of healing. It's not linear.
Healing is a zig-zag.

LOVE YOURSELF.
Practice SELF-CARE.

Believe in yourself
and in your entitlement
to feeling well and happy.

LOVE YOURSELF.

i feel so out of control. i do not have a therapist. not even the energy to find one...i keep trying to put positive thoughts in my head, trying to let go, move forward, but i'm struggling so much!!

You need to gather the energy to find some help. Are you in a community that has services for abused women? They often have the best help for people who've been through what we have. I was able to get free counseling for about a year through a local women's shelter, and it was different (and did me more good) than any therapy I'd ever had - and I've had plenty. If you don't have access to something like that, keep coming to places like this. Healing takes some time, but it does happen. And HEAL is right, at least to some extent. There may be times in our lives where we can have a fair amount of control over how our emotions affect us, but essentially they are what they are. And when a person's in the situation you're in at the moment, that control is an off-and-on thing. *Please* don't blame yourself for not being able to control your emotions right now. I'm sure you can do without any more judgement -even and especially from within. Sending hugs!

Gogo, ask someone for help. Ask a doctor, a friend, family, women's services...

Recovery isn't something that is easy to do alone, especially if you develop depression and anxiety after leaving as a lot of us do.

Best wishes.

Thank you for caring enough to respond. It means a lot to me. I will call the domestic violence shelter tomorrow while i have my morning coffee and see if they can put me in touch with a counselor or something. i need to remove myself from this situation. the thing making me anxious is i dont want him to call me like he has every wknd for the last 3 wks already..and i dont wanna change my number as i have contacts everywhere and they're numbers change but mine dont. i blocked him tho so it picks up n hangs up so no more voicemails!

What they all said.

Accepting that my feelings were real and valid and perfectly fine was one of the hugest steps forward for me, instead of trying to fight them all the time, which was just wasted effort. You will feel what you feel, accepting that and being ok with it, will free up a heap of emotional energy for actually healing.

livendream..i read ur post on my phone last night...i let myself feel it..it helped me so much. i will listen. i will let myself feel instead of fighting my emotions. i think that's what i was doing all the time i was with him..minimizign my own emotions, having them be minimized for me, always fighting my thoughts and feelings that i almost got used to that.
not anymore..i will accept my feelings and let them happen. soon..it will go from despair to joy..
thank you all so much for taking the time for me.
you are all the only ones who listen to me and support me and i love you all for it!