Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello,
Ever since I was born my mom just wanted to control my life. My mother cannot manage her anger she would yell at me, my brothers and my father when we are not doing as she says. She would never apologize for her explosive behavior and would seem to completely forget about what she did the next minute. My mother would play favorites with me and brothers and would often belittle my father. My relationship with my dad became strained because my mother told me when I was little "oh, you only love your daddy not your mommy, that's fine" and "Hmph...look at you, you look like your father". When they argue, my parents would put in the middle to choose who was right in the argument (mind you I was just a child). No matter what I do, whether it be eating healthy foods, staying in shape, or picking out an outfit I was always receive a negative response.
"You're losing too much weight."
"You exercise too much."
"You can't cook! You never add any butter or salt! No one will want to eat your food."
"How will ever be love your hair looking like that?" (My hair natural and undamaged whereas my mom's is processed by relaxers and is breaking off).
"Don't you feel embarrassed sitting in class with your hair like that? Your friends won't like you for this."
The worst thing she had done to me was yanked my hair out of anger because I told that I can do my own hair (I was around 20 years old).
The more I started to find my true personality the more insults she threw at me especially towards my hair. She went as far as calling my hair rat droppings. I hold in my tears because this gave my mom the opportunity to laugh at me for being a 'cry baby'. I'm 22 now and this still going on. Unfortunately, I don't have a steady enough job to just decide to leave home so I'm still dependent on my parents. Has any one had a similar experience as me? If so, how have you handled your relationship with your mothers?
Ever since I was born my mom just wanted to control my life. My mother cannot manage her anger she would yell at me, my brothers and my father when we are not doing as she says. She would never apologize for her explosive behavior and would seem to completely forget about what she did the next minute. My mother would play favorites with me and brothers and would often belittle my father. My relationship with my dad became strained because my mother told me when I was little "oh, you only love your daddy not your mommy, that's fine" and "Hmph...look at you, you look like your father". When they argue, my parents would put in the middle to choose who was right in the argument (mind you I was just a child). No matter what I do, whether it be eating healthy foods, staying in shape, or picking out an outfit I was always receive a negative response.
"You're losing too much weight."
"You exercise too much."
"You can't cook! You never add any butter or salt! No one will want to eat your food."
"How will ever be love your hair looking like that?" (My hair natural and undamaged whereas my mom's is processed by relaxers and is breaking off).
"Don't you feel embarrassed sitting in class with your hair like that? Your friends won't like you for this."
The worst thing she had done to me was yanked my hair out of anger because I told that I can do my own hair (I was around 20 years old).
The more I started to find my true personality the more insults she threw at me especially towards my hair. She went as far as calling my hair rat droppings. I hold in my tears because this gave my mom the opportunity to laugh at me for being a 'cry baby'. I'm 22 now and this still going on. Unfortunately, I don't have a steady enough job to just decide to leave home so I'm still dependent on my parents. Has any one had a similar experience as me? If so, how have you handled your relationship with your mothers?
Good luck
you're going through.
There's no way to
"handle" abuse
or an abuser.
As a grown woman, now,
it would appear to be time
to put as much distance
(both geographical and
emotional), between
your toxic mother
and yourself.
For the record, I'm the
daughter of a toxic,
narcissistic mother.
So I'm not speaking
out of turn.
Have you engaged in
any kind of counseling
or therapy? If not, please
consider looking for a
counselor whose
specialty is recovery
from a toxic family-of-
origin.
Also. . . . practice
meticulous SELF-CARE.
Sending you hugs
and healing thoughts.
Please, please get out as soon as you can until then try to stay away from her as much as possible. Do you have an mp3 player? or something like that? If you don't put your ear buds in and listen to it to drown her out. I didn't have one back then but I do now .And when my husband or son are triggering me then I use it. Take care honey and stay safe and know it's NOT your fault God bless (((hugs))))
who are decent (like you), and those who are
selfish,self-absorbed,greedy,mean-spirited,
cruel, and so far up their own ass,they think the
world should alter itself just for them!
You may never have heard of the term,'Adult-
Child', this is when people grow up PHYSICALLY, but mentally stay a CHILD.
THIS, is what your mother is:AN ADULT CHILD. She will have got that way by being
abused when SHE was a child, and so is
acting out her own conditioning.She may see
you as a threat, since you are obviously
decent and intelligent. There is only one way
your M can change,and that would be long and
deep therapy. But narcissists think they are
'perfect' ,so that will not happen. As others
have said,your only recourse is to move away
from the poison,lest it poison YOU!
Deepest Respect,
jimindigo
There are two books that also help(ed) me understand and get both validation and tools. "Mothers who can't love" by Susan Forward and "Will I ever be good enough" by Karyl McBride. Maybe some of this speaks to you, too.
I am wishing you strength and all the best from my heart. Wished I had know earlier what was the problem... I had always thought it is me and that I am not lovable... my whole life I was in that fog.
Take care
N
You definitely pointed out one thing that all people from abuse have in common, feeling like their the one to blame. As a child, I was so use to blaming myself for anything that went that it just became normal. Even when I wanted help out around house with my mom she would say things like "you didn't wash the dishes correctly, let me do it !" or "no, your doing it wrong, let me broom the floor." I became a people-pleaser at a very young age out of fear of being scolded at by others (teachers, peers, etc.). I'm trying my best not to be such people-pleaser and learning how to take proper care of myself.