Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I quit my consultant job in July, because I was going to start grad school in September, and we wanted to have a good summer together before that. However...things didn't end up financially as we planned, and now I am stuck in the middle of nowhereville, partially due to H being jealous of my friendships I'm TX and wanting to move us! When my therapist asked me while still in TX if we move around so much because he wants to isolate me, I really didn't think that was the case. But, apparently, with this current move, that was the motivation behind it.
Anyway, without my income, and having the kids in private schools (public schools are awful here), we are just not quite making it on his income alone, so, I am looking for a part-time job to supplement. I will start school in January, so I don't want to get something full-time, and if I get lucky, i might get a fellowship or be compensated for TA work at the university, once I start there. However, I need to find something right now, bad, and with the move, financial instability, and a lot of previous worries regarding my marriage and my H, my self-confidence is really shook-up, and I am afraid that ppl are picking up on it. When looking for a job, confidence is key. Do any of you have a good trick for projecting confidence, even if not feeling it?
Anyway, without my income, and having the kids in private schools (public schools are awful here), we are just not quite making it on his income alone, so, I am looking for a part-time job to supplement. I will start school in January, so I don't want to get something full-time, and if I get lucky, i might get a fellowship or be compensated for TA work at the university, once I start there. However, I need to find something right now, bad, and with the move, financial instability, and a lot of previous worries regarding my marriage and my H, my self-confidence is really shook-up, and I am afraid that ppl are picking up on it. When looking for a job, confidence is key. Do any of you have a good trick for projecting confidence, even if not feeling it?
Affirmations are statements like "I am confident, assured and competent." that are said as if they are true and already exist.
Come up with affirmations that you want to exude. Write them on 3x5 cards. Stand in front of a mirror and read them out loud. Then, look yourself in the eyes and repeat each affirmation several times. (Don't look away!) It may very well be hard to do at first and you might even find yourself crying, but that's ok. Just keep doing it.
Of course do NOT do this around him and do NOT tell him you are doing this.
You can also create affirmations that counteract all the negative crap he spews. For example, "I am loveable." "I deserve to be treated with love and respect." etc. Then when he says something negative to you, just (in your head) repeat the affirmations.
It's quite difficult to have two opposing thoughts at the same time, so why not hold on to the positive thoughts?
~hugs~
Remember, you are living in a toxic waste dump and you are surrounded by his awful, creepy toxic 'energy.' But that 'energy' and his words and his opinion are HIM and not you! He is projecting his sh*t onto you.
You ARE competent. You ARE confident. You ARE assured. You ARE knowledgeable. You ARE good at your chosen profession. You ARE smart. You are totally capable of learning new things easily and quickly.
Here's the thing....
WHAT WE FOCUS ON EXPANDS!!!
(not yelling, just emphasizing the important of this statement)
So if you think you can't succeed, guess what? You can't.
If you think you can, you can and WILL succeed.
I agree with what My said about Affirmations wholeheartedly. Think to yourself that you ARE competent. Think of things you do well. Like being a good mother, cook, writer or whatever it may be.
One trick I learned in school. I went to school in my mid 30's to get my degree. At the end of each semester, we had to give a presentation in front of the class on whatever subject it was. I hated public speaking. Was horribly nervous at first. Finally I learned a trick.
Think of what you enjoy MOST in the world. For me it was poker. My trick was if I can just get thru this next 5-10 minutes I can be playing poker at 7pm that night. Doing what I WANT TO DO. Worked like a charm.
Just my two cents.
Martin
Warm gentle hugs
You can write yourself emails here! I hope this helps!
http://www.futureme.org/
However, lol since you asked, I had to fake it a lot with my step family, and what I did was smile a lot, don't let them see you sweat, head high when you walk, lots of laughing, I mean it can't get any faker than that.