Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So you know how out it is that you can often see the flaws in someone else's relationship and feel the outrage on their behalf more easily than your own? About 4 years ago my baby sister got involved with a piece of work. I won't go into all the details, but she lost her car, her home, and her Jon and still married him 2 years ago. I saw the train wreck but knew the futility of speaking out too forcefully. She had a son, who is now 9 when they got together and they now have an almost 2 year old and a2 month old...living with her mil because neither one of them are working. Her husband is literally always gone and she knows that he is a heroin addict although she keeps coming up with reasons why he"might not be doing drugs again"(although she's found the needles again about a month ago. I've tried to just be here, offer gentle advice and a place to stay whenever she's ready to leave(I've made it clear he is not welcome, although on a personal level I harbor no I'll will, on a sister level I just want him away from her). She texted me on my way home tonight asking me not to say anything to anyone, but at about 4 he smacked her son in the face(fir goodreason she said), but at 6 when she sent the msg it was still swollen and red. She said when she told him that was not called for her got up in her face screaming at her and accidentally hit her in the jaw which is now swollen as well. She says she instinctively slapped him and he freaking bither! I want to go kkick the crap out of him and slap the crap out of mmHg sister, then if she refuses to leave, take the three boys and bring them here. Unfortunately, I realize this is not really feasible in my situation and anyway that's alot like the pot calling the kettle black. I just don't how else to explain to her that she needs to leave, if not for herself than for the kids. I've seen the future, I and my children live it, but how do we get through to someone else when out own situation is so pathetic?
If I were you I would get involved in a big way. That boy does not deserve to be hit. He needs to be in a loving home where he can grow up a man with excellent self worth. We have too many men out there that don't have that already and deserve to have that. Stepping in seems like the right thing to do. Your sister may just be scared and because she is in a comfort zone raising 3 kids, cant take that step. Someone may need to take it for her. Life as a way of working things out for everyone if help is notified. Please make the best decision for not only your oldest nephew, but your sister and her other kids who need a chance to live their life without this abuse.
Is there a possibility that she does not understand addiction? And that things aren't going to change until she makes the move?
Do you get what I'm saying to you big sis? Take the chance. Even if she doesn't hear you today, she'll remember when she needs to. Hugs, hugs, hugs!
http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Her-Get-Free-Families/dp/1580051677
but ----- for the protection of the
defenseless children ----- I would
call (anonymously) the state's
department of children and family.
He hit her "accidentally???????????"
(Yeah. Right.)
Okay. She's an adult.
She's entitled to make
her own decisions.
But, if no one steps up
for them, the children have
no one to speak for them
to protect them from an
abusive drug addict and
an abused mother who's
in denial mode.
Please help protect
those innocent babies.
They are IN DANGER.
As for how to talk
to your sister?
You already have.
How did that
work out?
but,
if you do that, and she goes back, she will have to choose between the two of you and she will choose him, and you will be the enemy. and not having you is more dangerous for her than he is. i'm not saying she's stupid, i'm saying she's abused and she'll stay until she doesn't stay like the rest of us. if you have your door and your wallet open and she knows you are there with good advice thats a great safety net, but beware the slippery slope between helping and enabling.
honestly, i think ilene is onto something secretly reporting to child services. it's a terrible thing to do and the best course of action, which is so often the case with abusers. the escalation in violence is consistent with drug use, because he's losing control. "losing" because it's a descent, and it gets worse with time. worse than "accidental" hitting does not have a long way to go before you hit the bottom, and some people need something drastic to happen on the way down.
and sweet, there might be people who disagree with this and they are free to do so, but i'm gonna say this: after you report them to CPS and your sister wonders who did it, lie to her. until you die, lie to her. let her think think other people are seeing the dysfunction, maybe it will let her see some of it. let her be paranoid of every friend and neighbor she has. lie to her. open your door and let her cry at your kitchen table and help her get through it and if they take her kids away LET THEM. this is hard. if you can take them, do it. but they have to be away from him and she's not going to do it, and maybe if things get really bad he'll do everyone a favor and run away like a little bitch. let it break her until she sees what she needs to see.
be the best role model you can be, so that when everything turns to dust and she wants to pull herself back up you can show her how, and she'll be able to see her future in you.