Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi Everyone, hope you all had a great weekend.
I went to my moms this weekend with the kids, was great getting away from the madness.
After my husbands constant badgering when I told him I talked to an attorney I stopped talking about it all together. I continued doing my own thing and just told him when he asked me to reconsider that I would "think" about it but re-assured him I couldn't guarantee anything would change.
It seemed to work a little and I continued going about doing my own thing with the kids and alone. Thinking it would just be status quo for the moment...... I should have known better. It does not matter what I tell him he will not leave me alone.
It was kind of funny (not really...) because he printed out a bunch of "positive thinking phrases" and taped them to my bathroom wall and said he wants me to build my confidence and told me I should read them every time I go into the bathroom...... Ironically one of the phrases is "I have the right to my own choices and happiness".....
After he woke me up at 4:30AM this morning to tell me he has so much anxiety about work and me, etc. I went into my bathroom and noticed the above quote, he walked in and I asked him to read it. He did and said "you do, but did you read the other phrases, the one about you are responsible for how others treat you", etc. etc. etc.
I got ready and left for work. (A side note, I got in trouble last week because of my lack of attention to my job because of all that has been going on in my personal life and was told that if I don't get focused I will be written up.....) I told my husband this last week when he called me to blabber again about how I need to just accept his love and commit to working on the marriage. He kind of brushed over it and I told him that I couldn't talk at work about this ANYMORE!!!
He called me today at my office and started in again with fixing the marriage, blah blah blah.... My boss called me and I told him I had to go and he said "Oh sure, you never want to talk about this". I reminded him of my discussion with my boss last week and he didn't seem to be phased.
He called me back an hour later and asked if everything with my boss was ok. I said yes. He immediately went back into talking about me needing to just accept that I made a committment and need to honor it by fixing the marriage.
I told him it doesn't matter, he said that I am being selfish and self absorbed and that I am the only one who thinks it doesn't matter. I asked who he was referencing and he said everyone, my family, his family, him, our kids, everyone, etc. etc. etc.
He then asked me "how do you know this is not your mind playing tricks on me because I don't qant this?" Said "I am trapped in my own mind"
I could go on and on and on with all that he said but they all are similar to the above.
My question is, I seem to have tried everything, ignore him, tell him I don't want to talk about it, tell him its over, tell him I will think about it, I try ignoring him, walking away, going out, everything and anything to get him off my back short of telling him I will work on it and he doesn't leave me alone.
I can't leave my house for many reasons, one because it will affect any divorce proceedings, I don't want to leave until my son is finished for school, etc.
Any suggestions? Thanks everyone!!!
I went to my moms this weekend with the kids, was great getting away from the madness.
After my husbands constant badgering when I told him I talked to an attorney I stopped talking about it all together. I continued doing my own thing and just told him when he asked me to reconsider that I would "think" about it but re-assured him I couldn't guarantee anything would change.
It seemed to work a little and I continued going about doing my own thing with the kids and alone. Thinking it would just be status quo for the moment...... I should have known better. It does not matter what I tell him he will not leave me alone.
It was kind of funny (not really...) because he printed out a bunch of "positive thinking phrases" and taped them to my bathroom wall and said he wants me to build my confidence and told me I should read them every time I go into the bathroom...... Ironically one of the phrases is "I have the right to my own choices and happiness".....
After he woke me up at 4:30AM this morning to tell me he has so much anxiety about work and me, etc. I went into my bathroom and noticed the above quote, he walked in and I asked him to read it. He did and said "you do, but did you read the other phrases, the one about you are responsible for how others treat you", etc. etc. etc.
I got ready and left for work. (A side note, I got in trouble last week because of my lack of attention to my job because of all that has been going on in my personal life and was told that if I don't get focused I will be written up.....) I told my husband this last week when he called me to blabber again about how I need to just accept his love and commit to working on the marriage. He kind of brushed over it and I told him that I couldn't talk at work about this ANYMORE!!!
He called me today at my office and started in again with fixing the marriage, blah blah blah.... My boss called me and I told him I had to go and he said "Oh sure, you never want to talk about this". I reminded him of my discussion with my boss last week and he didn't seem to be phased.
He called me back an hour later and asked if everything with my boss was ok. I said yes. He immediately went back into talking about me needing to just accept that I made a committment and need to honor it by fixing the marriage.
I told him it doesn't matter, he said that I am being selfish and self absorbed and that I am the only one who thinks it doesn't matter. I asked who he was referencing and he said everyone, my family, his family, him, our kids, everyone, etc. etc. etc.
He then asked me "how do you know this is not your mind playing tricks on me because I don't qant this?" Said "I am trapped in my own mind"
I could go on and on and on with all that he said but they all are similar to the above.
My question is, I seem to have tried everything, ignore him, tell him I don't want to talk about it, tell him its over, tell him I will think about it, I try ignoring him, walking away, going out, everything and anything to get him off my back short of telling him I will work on it and he doesn't leave me alone.
I can't leave my house for many reasons, one because it will affect any divorce proceedings, I don't want to leave until my son is finished for school, etc.
Any suggestions? Thanks everyone!!!
by answering that things
with your boss were "ok."
A better answer would have
been to say: I can't talk at
work anymore.
Have you begun divorce
proceedings? If not, do
you intend to?
If you won't leave partly
because it will effect the
divorce, then at least get
the divorce underway.
Yes/no?
I have not yet begun the divorce proceedings with the courts, but I did get the paperwork required to be filled out for it to be initiated.
As much as he has said he wants this to be amicable "IF" we go this route (In his words), I am not so sure.
This is the time when you need a lot of support - because the next couple of months are going to be really difficult and full of big steps, right? Now would be a GREAT time to get an advocate on your side. Whether that is a therapist, a lawyer, a women's center counselor ..... just a wise person who you trust has your best interests at heart.
As far as your H goes, It seems to me like you are still engaging with him, even though you say you are trying not to. You could say to him, "I need a break from this but I am not going to leave our house. I will not discuss anything with you other than necessary logistics regarding the household or the children."
I would get a second opinion on leaving the house and the effect that has on the divorce, by the way. I *believe* that there are ways to set that up so that temporarily leaving the house doesn't mean you give up all interest in it.
.... This is a hard one. I'm sorry you are having to live in such difficult and frustrating conditions!
Also, the bad news is that he may say it will be amicable, but it won't. He's saying that because he's playing "mr nice" right now, trying with all he has to prevent you leaving. So get your ducks in a row, without telling him a thing. And do tell him that, after your talk with your boss, you are not able to talk to him at work any more. Then enforce it - not just with the ridiculous "you have to fix what I broke" discussions, but with everything unless it's an emergency.
Believe me I know how hard this is, I went through it myself and it was horrific. And there is really no way to get the madness to stop, short of physically walking away. I still remember telling my ex over and over that I couldn't talk to him at work because I was busy (he didn't work by then because he didn't want to), and yet if he saw me pop onto a game site for 5 minutes in my lunch break, he'd start harassing me about how lazy I am and how I should be working harder etc etc - this from the man whose life involved sitting on the couch with his laptop and the tv on, getting up only to pee or get another drink. It never stops. Until you make it stop.
One more thing - I disagree wholeheartedly with the idea that you are responsible for the way people treat you. But if he wants to go down that line, then (when the time comes and papers are served), hand him that one and tell him he's responsible for how you're treating him. :D
Have a great day everyone!!!! = ) ***hugs to you all***