Hi Joanie, I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Sounds like these people just don't like to let go of stuff. My suggestion is that you take some time and think about your boundaries like:

how much of your time away from work do you want to spend with them?
how often do you want to text, email &/or talk w/them on the phone away from work?

Ask youself:
do I have to answer the door if they show up unexpectedly?
do I have to agree to see them if they call before they come?
do I have to explain or justify myself to them?

Then, depending on your answers, you can start setting boundaries.

For example, if you decide that you don't want to answer the door if they just show up, then don't. If they call & don't want to talk w/them, then don't answer your phone.

Setting boundaries will be the easy part. Keeping them will be a tad harder. I say that because once they realize you're changing, they'll ramp up their behavior. That's when you really have to stick to your guns.

Another thing you can do is come up w/pat sayings to keep repeating over & over when they keep pushing. Like "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not changing my mind." When you are with them & you aren't comfortable w/what they're saying or doing, just politely excuse yourself & walk away. You aren't obligated to give them a reason.

If you're at work, you can say, you really have to finish your work or project, etc. If you're on the phone and you want to end the conversation, just say, I'm sorry, I need to go now and just hang up.

If they press you, just say something like, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about it and change the subject. If they keep bugging you, then walk away.

Of course there's always a more direct approach, like that's none of your business, or I don't care to discuss that with you. But that can inflame the situation. You know them best, so you'll instinctively know how to word things.

They are going to do what they always do. It's up to you to hold fast to your boundaries. It's hard work at first, but eventually they should catch on.

Hope this helps.

Thank you MyTrueColors for your reply and suggestions. I do ignore calls at times but with my younger brother having that tumour removed, he has side effects from it and the chemo. So he has been known to have siezures and just feel over all bad on some days.
So, I am afraid to not call back if there is no voice mail left and I leave my phone on at night just in case.
I emailed the Canadian friend and told her I was fine, I had this and I appreciated her help. Unfortunately I feel this will not end well as whatever I say gets twisted up into a religious debate with her. She has "found God" as she says and is pretty pushy that I would feel better if I did as well.
I am not agnostic but I don't like religion shoved down my throat. I have friends that are more spiritual than the classic religion beliefs and I am fine with that.
I don't try to put my beliefs on others and it really is something that will anger me when people do it to me.
So I left it at telling her I got your point, take care.
It was short and perhaps too direct of a sign off, but again, I had not seen this girl for years or talked with her, and she was fine living her own life that she never contacted me, and then when I get back in touch, she ramrods, if you get what I mean?
So I figure the best step from now on is NC with her. She is toxic in her unrelanting attitude even if she feels she means well.
As with my family, I am pretty closed off to them now, other than work (as I have no choice but to be around them there) and holiday get togethers, birthdays and such.
Then I dread those times. :(
I have got to find a decent counselor or therapist I realize or I am headed towards a deeper depression. It is hard to do in a real small town and working Monday through Friday all day and saturdays mostly, I would have to take off work, which seems to be an issue with my family.
Ironically they say they are here for me and what can they do, but honestly..I feel they are content as long as I work and don't cause any drama. Just my feelings.

I second MTC's reply.


MINIMIZE CONTACT

and

MINIMIZE what you share.

Maintain superficiality!

Joanie, one thing that helps me a LOT is to journal. Journaling almost daily for the last 10 years has allowed me to get rid of the negative bs, to be able to step outside of my pain as if I were someone else, and look at it objectively. It's kind of like talking to someone, and it sends the energy out there somewhere...LOL.

Which, may help you in disengaging from your family, if they are so toxic. In a small way, but still...may be helpful...

The advice to minimize contact is right on, but this may help you feel like you have an outlet, to enable that minimization.

Big hugs....

Thank you everyone. I have been told by my supportive friends that continueing to work where I do is not beneficial to me and may even be contributing to my problems. Without going into specifics, I work with unhealthy people and although there are benefits to my job, paid insurance (which would really help with counseling services and helps with my migraine headaches, meds and dr visits) there are negative factors as well.
I can't really go into detail here but put it into this frame of mind. Say someone abused you and you not only were related to them, you also had to work where they work and come into daily contact with them. :(
I have worked at this job for 18 years or so though and to leave it would create a lot of issues as well. Sadly, people think working for family is such a good thing. if your family is toxic to you or lets say part of your family, it is not such a good thing.