Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, I went to see my pdoc about a month ago. He took me off drug and started me on another. He said it takes effect pretty fast so he wanted me back in a week. Well, I talked him into 2wks so that I could go on a day I was off work. About 3 days before my appt, my husband comes up with this somewhat legitimate errand we must run and I must call and reschedule my pdoc appt. I don't have another day off for 2more wks. Oh, did I mention that he changed his mind about running that errand on the morning of...I believe it was so that he could keep me from going to my pdoc appt. Now it's been over a month since I last saw my pdoc and I'm scheduled to see him next Friday.
Tonight my husband give me some guilt trip about my son, says I'm being selfish with all these doctor appts, and he's pissed cause I'm going to my "drug pusher" (pdoc). He doesn't believe in psychotropic drugs and thinks I'd be fine without anything if I just went to counseling. He must have been reading my mind to some extent....
Last time I saw my pdoc....I asked him if he thought I'd need the meds I was on if it wasn't for my husband...in summary, he said that there is really no way to know. He's right....but he did say and I agreed that my husband is a big stressor/trigger for my BP. I fight with him and afterward am in a real dark place for days and then return to work where I am supported and recognized for my skills and I can be on cloud 9. And he wonders why I like work...
I just bought a new car and making $600/mth payments and recently spent$4000 on an older "classic" car (his baby) and it seems I'm not allowed to drive either car to the carpool spot 4miles from our home. He drives me there and I take a bus home. I can't make chiro appts in the evening each week to relieve my constant leg and heel pain because I take the bus and have no way to get to the appts with the bus. If I do go, I just get a guilt trip about how I never spend time with my son.
I know that he is a big trigger for my BP mood swings. He says I'm crazy and due to his lack of self control, our 3.5yr old now says "f*cking b*tch" and the other day when he got frustrated over a toy of his he called it "f*cker". He doesn't say these things to me in the presence of my son anyway, but always says these things under his breath while driving around (with my son in the car). He does not support my mental diagnosis or treatment. In fact, he says I'm worse (I know I'm better based on how I feel inside). If I even thought about leaving he would fight me so hard with regards to our son, to the point that I don't question that he wouldn't bring my mental diagnosis to light as a weapon against me. Keep in mind that I'm the only breadwinner, have a college degree and have had a fairly successful career for >20yrs.
He's a micromanager and control freak. He plays mind games with me. He knows I don't do well with stress or at least the kind he puts on me.
How am I supposed to handle that?
Tonight my husband give me some guilt trip about my son, says I'm being selfish with all these doctor appts, and he's pissed cause I'm going to my "drug pusher" (pdoc). He doesn't believe in psychotropic drugs and thinks I'd be fine without anything if I just went to counseling. He must have been reading my mind to some extent....
Last time I saw my pdoc....I asked him if he thought I'd need the meds I was on if it wasn't for my husband...in summary, he said that there is really no way to know. He's right....but he did say and I agreed that my husband is a big stressor/trigger for my BP. I fight with him and afterward am in a real dark place for days and then return to work where I am supported and recognized for my skills and I can be on cloud 9. And he wonders why I like work...
I just bought a new car and making $600/mth payments and recently spent$4000 on an older "classic" car (his baby) and it seems I'm not allowed to drive either car to the carpool spot 4miles from our home. He drives me there and I take a bus home. I can't make chiro appts in the evening each week to relieve my constant leg and heel pain because I take the bus and have no way to get to the appts with the bus. If I do go, I just get a guilt trip about how I never spend time with my son.
I know that he is a big trigger for my BP mood swings. He says I'm crazy and due to his lack of self control, our 3.5yr old now says "f*cking b*tch" and the other day when he got frustrated over a toy of his he called it "f*cker". He doesn't say these things to me in the presence of my son anyway, but always says these things under his breath while driving around (with my son in the car). He does not support my mental diagnosis or treatment. In fact, he says I'm worse (I know I'm better based on how I feel inside). If I even thought about leaving he would fight me so hard with regards to our son, to the point that I don't question that he wouldn't bring my mental diagnosis to light as a weapon against me. Keep in mind that I'm the only breadwinner, have a college degree and have had a fairly successful career for >20yrs.
He's a micromanager and control freak. He plays mind games with me. He knows I don't do well with stress or at least the kind he puts on me.
How am I supposed to handle that?
The only way to improve life is to
remove oneself from the crosshairs.
I understand that sharing a child
means that there is still interaction,
and therefore, still abuse.
But the degree generally lessens
when a survivor is in a different
household.
Have you paid a visit to your
local womens center? If not,
try calling:
(800) 524-4765.
There will be resources there
that might help you.
FYI. . . . . a mental diagnosis
does not mean that you would
lose your son. He threatens
you with that, because he is
an abuser, and an abuser
will do and say ANYTHING
to keep his (or her) victim
from escaping.
Please utilize available resources.
There's a better life for you and your
son waiting out there, for you.
And please, take good care.
You need to take you're power back!!
You are a free person. Don't be afraid of this man.
Don't listen to his guilt trips. He has a right to his opinions, but you don't have to believe what he is saying. Do what you want to do!!
Don't be afraid of his disapproval. You can stand up to it. If he crosses any lines and breaks any of your civil rights. Call the police. It really is as simple as that.
It sounds to me like you have no life of your own at all.
It doesn't matter if he fights you for your son. Document everything. He is just using that to keep you with him. I believe the judge will see right through him.
If you decide to leave him do not tell him or give him a clue. He sounds dangerous to me. He is seriously damaging your child, you would be better to take your child and find somewhere safe to go. As Ilene said, the local womans shelter is your best bet because they will protect you and your child.
I wish you the best.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))