I wanted to add I was trying to leave the state in Jan...no ties and no job here by that time. But if I divorce him, I would have to stay in the state until the divorce is over. And he would probably contest me leaving the state with his daughter...my thoughts were to stick it out until we move to the next state (which we both like) and then divorce him there.

Sounds to me like your in situation were you really must stop thinking about him and start thinking about you and your daughter...Really whether he is homeless or not is not your problem..the solution is easy, get a job. problem solved. Sometimes people will never improve their lives while others are always there to pick them up when they fall or are just busy getting a free hand out from others.....let him fall. Your leaving,, or want to..so you have to just do it. Find the strength and make the changes necessary for you and your daughter.....i suspect you KNOW inside your head that he is responsible for putting the family distrust there......it is an isolation tactic that is most likey all lies....if your going to trust someone I would say he is the LAST person to put the trust in.....go to your family, trust in them to help you......

Thanks Sinn...I thought about it, and I still feel the timing is not right. Not only for him (yuck), but also for me. I really want to get out of the state and rev up my business to the peak levels it was earlier this year. If he can ride on my back to get whatever he wants done, I can ride on his back until I get what I need done. Then I'm through.

I really don't feel the love for him anymore. He disgusts me. LOL he said that to me last week. Oh well.

The main reason I don't want to stay here in this state is because I hate it here. I grew up here and went to high school here, but I left for college, hoping never to look back. He looked me up and I came back. In the meantime, he never left, made friends with 1/2 my family, and, since we've been together, turned my immediate family against me. They seriously told me to leave him alone and let him handle all the money, even though I'm the only one working plus running a business right now. When I lose my job, there really aren't that many opportunities here--I was lucky to get the one I had because it was the last corporation standing in this city.

I want to move back down south, not necessarily where I used to live, but where I have a network of friends and family that doesn't know much about him and hasn't been tainted by him. Plus, if I must get stuck in that state for a divorce, I really wouldn't mind. :)

I used to be married to a rollercaoster and I opted off. I hired a lawyer and told my husband he would need to hire one too. I acted a bit rashly and impulsively, but once I made the decision to leave (after a 'final straw" moment) it was all over for me. I moved out and got my own apartment and took our son with me. My family totally supported me long-distance from another state. I did visit my mom for a few days with my son to get my shit together and plan my move, etc.

In hindsight I think I would have done it differently and certainly there are a lot of details I am leaving out.

He tried very hard to weasel his way back in but once I moved out it was all over. I was done with his Critical, Cranky and Controlling ways. He threatened suicide, was in the hospital for a week. We did a few counseling sessions but the problem was HIM, not me. He could not admit he was an abuser and always assumed the victim role.

Sorry, it's a long answer I know...it is hard, hard, hard to leave a marriage, a home, a family, no matter how f-ed up it is. Ultimately I put myself first and my son second to save my soul.

It is all so worthwhile, but it takes time and determination. Part of the Catch-22 for us is that our self-esteem is shot and it's hard to feel independent and pissed off enough to leave.

Focus on re-building and re-connecting with YOU and then you will be in a better place to leave for good. Hugs to you hon...I have so been where you are.

Hey There, :)
Your situation sounds a good-deal similiar to mine. I was in a state that I hated, but I wasn't from, I ended-up going back where I am from down South too, (been here for about 2 1/2 months).......
He basically insisted on coming w/us, I foolishly let him, we stayed (we have a young child together) at my parents house, I made him leave after only one week. I got a job 3 wks. later, started it, went well, IS going well/great actually, BUT here's the "kicker" my dumb-butt "took" him back (or whatever you want to call it)...........I too "felt sorry" for him, the 1 1/2 that we were split-up he weasled his way back in, making all kinds of false promises, (that he would stop drinking, stop being a total asshole, ETC. ETC.)...........My child's absolute despair at his absence is to be honest what made me allow him to move-in with us at my new place. STUPID mistake, INSTANSTELY he's been A-HOLE #1, and now WORSE than ever, drinking MORE than ever, RANTING more than ever, a JERK. BUT, I'm hanging-in to the great fact that for the first-time in almost 5 yrs. I have a job, and a job/situation that is perfect and that I love, however, I do not have my own car yet, (it's his/in his name), but I should be able to get one soon. I'm making my secret plans on how to go about making him leave this second-time and LAST time. I too have NO love for him, he erased that a LONG time ago w/all of his b.s. He literally makes my skin-crawl, and he knows it, which in turn makes him EVEN more of an a-hole. It's hard w/kids, but to be honest, the right thing to do would be to get approval from a Judge to leave the state w/your daugher, file for divorce, move back South (economy is great here), etc. But, I'm one to talk about the "right" thing to do. It's hard, but worth it, although I'm VERY happy now being back home, great job, etc. I was MUCH happier when I was split-up with him, thankfully he works all day and I'm only around him a few hours in the evenings, but THAT'S TOO MUCH, these guys are ALWAYS TOO MUCH. I honestly hate him.
So......hang-in there, and make some solid plans, and don't tell him anything, I've made that mistake before, they always try to sabatoge your plans for betterment/change.
Good-Luck. :)