Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I recall reading a thread on here about this. And I think it's important to bring up again. Especially since, myself included, I'm reading many stories of people feeling guilty, second guessing themselves and their decisions, and wavering back and forth.
The thing is, our abuses have chipped away at our hearts and souls for so long and as we come to realize the kind of unhealthy relationship we are in and try and stand up for ourselves and leave, they come at us with new tactics, manipulations, projection of their feelings onto us, twisting and rewriting history, minimizing the years of THEIR bad behaviors...
Instead of sinking back down into our corners, we need to be mad and say to ourselves - HOW DARE HE/SHE?!!
It will help keep us focused so we can continue to drag ourselves out of the quicksand we have been living in.
Sending strength and hugs,
The thing is, our abuses have chipped away at our hearts and souls for so long and as we come to realize the kind of unhealthy relationship we are in and try and stand up for ourselves and leave, they come at us with new tactics, manipulations, projection of their feelings onto us, twisting and rewriting history, minimizing the years of THEIR bad behaviors...
Instead of sinking back down into our corners, we need to be mad and say to ourselves - HOW DARE HE/SHE?!!
It will help keep us focused so we can continue to drag ourselves out of the quicksand we have been living in.
Sending strength and hugs,
Abusers are devious, sneaky, dark hearted, negative seeking, emotionally dead, selfish centered, paranoid, drama loving, self pitying denial specialists. I can't come up with a more accurate way to describe "ignorance" and "arrogance".
When I chose to be angry towards my abuser, I ended up hurting me even more. He LIKED it when I hurt. I might as well have put bullets in his gun and told him to shoot me.
What finally worked for me, was to PITY him, and anyone he ever comes in contact with. Just imagine what an abuser could be, if all that garbage in their heads, was reversed and replaced with GOOD?
And um wow some more sleep deprivation torture huh? That sooo sucks. I so wanna wait til hes asleep and play big Band music right in his ear :) oh were you sleeping? Sweet smile lol
Tanks care not
And isn't it, instead, kind of arrogant to think all abusers are not as intelligent as we are? Three of my abusers have been very intelligent indeed. I don't think intelligence and abuse are particularly related.
Anger can be very useful with abusers. Not by expressing it to them because yes, that will end up hurting the victim even more. But anger directed at getting and staying away is a very, very useful emotion.
used as rocket fuel
and not weaponry,
can be very valuable.
In my framework,
it's useful to say
to ONESELF. . . .
How DARE he (or she)
treat me and my boundaries
with such abusive disrespect?
NOBODY gets to treat me
that way, and have me
remain in their life!!!!!!!!
[[[[ Please be very clear
that the above two statements
are NOT shared with the abuser
but are spoken within ourself
and then ACTED on, to clear
our world of that violative/abusive
disrespect. ]]]]]]
It's absolutely true that
abusers don't have the
slightest interest or concern
in how we feel about them
and what they do ----- except
to feel gratified and successful
when they know that they have,
indeed, hurt us. Sharing with
an abuser that they've done
something to hurt us, helps
them plan the NEXT successful
attack. And then if we plead with
them to not hurt us again, that's
the icing on their cruelty-cake.
But if we are justifiably ANGRY
at what they have done, and
make plans to REMOVE OURSELF
from the crosshairs of their abuse,
and then SAFELY REMOVE OURSELF
---------- leaving them in our wake
and NOT LOOKING BACK ----------
THAT's a SUCCESSFUL ESCAPE.
Living your life as you determine
it should be lived
is the most glorious
kind of "revenge"
that can be fashioned.
They don't genuinely care
about us. Let's stop
caring about them,
other than the prayer
I find is universally
applicable:
Bless the being
and the path
they're on.
"Hey hang on a minute, I'm worth more than this, they have no right to do this to me, who the hell do they think they are? HOW DARE THEY!"
Because seriously, what gives them the right and plus how cheeky of them to think that they can just keep on doing it time and time again
HOW DARE THEY is nothing even close to arrogance, it's about self respect, saying to oneself, "I'm worth respecting and anyone not doing so has no right!"
NOBODY DESERVES ABUSE!
Remember abusers use lies as one of their favorite weapons. They love to lie to us. They love to lie about us. My favorite is when my abusers tell me a lit about me to me aka false accusation!
On a good day, the most positive feelings I can muster about my abusers a mixture of pity and contempt! Not compassion, but pity!!