Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
How can I tell if a friend of mine has been physically or emotionally abused in the past? She's said, behaved, and done a number of things that strongly hints she's had some sort of trauma in her past that (from what another friend of mine told me) could be signs that she's been physically or sexually abused in some way (for example, being afraid of touching or being touched by others, even if they are close friends.. once to the point where it did seem to upset her more than usual).
Its starting to worry me. If she has been abused somehow, is there anything I can do? I really do care about her, especially after some of the things we talked about last.
Another odd thing is, we know we both like each other a lot. I realize this probably isn't the best place to post something like this but she keeps sending me really weird, contradictory signals. Like she wants me to back off but she wants me to stay really close too (emotionally). I usually just fallow her lead on that but it gets kinda hard when she seems to kind of change her mind in a matter of seconds: like making it clear she really wants to open up to me about "whats going on" in her life but then when I ask she'll repeatedly give me very vague answers and reassure me its nothing negative. I do believe she's being honest about that part but more than enough times she's said something happened in her past that made her very shy and want to close herself off to everyone.
This whole situation between the two of us actually gets quite a bit more complicated but I think I might make a completely different post for advice on what to do with our relationship. Right now I'm more interested in what the warning signs are for this sort of thing and if there's any way I can help her, or at least be able to tell whats wrong.
Its starting to worry me. If she has been abused somehow, is there anything I can do? I really do care about her, especially after some of the things we talked about last.
Another odd thing is, we know we both like each other a lot. I realize this probably isn't the best place to post something like this but she keeps sending me really weird, contradictory signals. Like she wants me to back off but she wants me to stay really close too (emotionally). I usually just fallow her lead on that but it gets kinda hard when she seems to kind of change her mind in a matter of seconds: like making it clear she really wants to open up to me about "whats going on" in her life but then when I ask she'll repeatedly give me very vague answers and reassure me its nothing negative. I do believe she's being honest about that part but more than enough times she's said something happened in her past that made her very shy and want to close herself off to everyone.
This whole situation between the two of us actually gets quite a bit more complicated but I think I might make a completely different post for advice on what to do with our relationship. Right now I'm more interested in what the warning signs are for this sort of thing and if there's any way I can help her, or at least be able to tell whats wrong.
I guess all you can do is be there for her and let her choose her time.
It sounds like you're recognizing some of the signs.
It's compassionate of you to want to help. Far and Liv's responses are spot-on. As they suggested, you can listen without judgement. You can urge her to find a qualified counselor or therapist.
For the record, being in relationship with someone who's in the throes of a serious emotional injury and its consequences is a recipe for heartache. Your user name is Shy Loner and yet you want to follow someone who's apparently emotionally wounded right into the depths of her wound. Is that the kind of relationship you're longing for? Gosh, shy ----- I HOPE not.
If you care about this friend and yourself, also, wouldn't you want her to get her wound treated and repaired, before you follow her into anything deeper than your present friendship?
The best to you both. Please take good care.
The thing is, when I first got to know her I learned that we actually seemed to have a lot in common. We both have had repeated experiences with depression, we both used to be really shy. So far, neither of us have EVER had much luck with our love lives, but as time went on I started noticing all these weird, awkward little things about her. Like the kind of guy she's usually attracted to, the odd thing or two she's said here and there about her own feelings and her life, or sometimes just the way she reacts to things struck me as odd.
Until last weekend I didn't realize there could be a deeper problem here. I've always just kind of let them go thinking it was strange but probably not something to worry about. I kept assuming for some reason that her problems were very similar to mine. We had talked about depression and shyness before but it only occured to me last week when we went on a hike that I never asked her what she gets depressed about. She told me that she gets depressed about pretty much the same things I do, lack of close relationships, no real close friends usually, that sort of thing. I never asked why she used to be so shy but to me that kinda doesn't make much sense, I can't even asnwer that for myself usually so why should I expect her to know her answer?
The other major sign was, she had told me that she doesn't like getting physically close with people (even friends) but she recently said that she wasn't just uncomfortable with it but sort of afraid of it for some reason and that she's just barely starting to get over that fear.
Just so everyone knows, I'm 22 and she turns 21 next summer.
I should probably mention, she's got a family history of alcoholism (which, unless you actually got to know her and her family you probably couldn't tell at all). She doesn't seem to have a problem with it but her brother is a recovering alcoholic that recently moved back in with her and her parents and her grandmother is apparently a serious alcoholic. From what I've heard, I'm glad I haven't seen her grandmother drunk, apparently that could get either really scare or really funny (like one night she apparently mistakened their dog for a demon).