Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I still struggle with the negative self-talk (I wish I could turn it off) eventhough I adamantly challenge it consistently. Yesterday, it almost overtook me. It awaken me from a nap with a very sick feeling in my stomach that it was painful as well as an increased level of anxiety. No matter what I did I could not shake it for hours. So believe me when I say I wanted to die. When I was finally successful in shaking it, I was exhausted and could not think clearly.
I have tried exercise, therapy, antidepressant, watching great shows and movies with antidotes for the life's problems I am dealing with, reading, motivational talks and the list goes on and one, but I am still struggling. Sigh. I am having difficulty finding a good therapist. So in the meantime, could anyone here share what you do to keep it together while dealing with the negative self-talk?
Thanks for your help.
I have tried exercise, therapy, antidepressant, watching great shows and movies with antidotes for the life's problems I am dealing with, reading, motivational talks and the list goes on and one, but I am still struggling. Sigh. I am having difficulty finding a good therapist. So in the meantime, could anyone here share what you do to keep it together while dealing with the negative self-talk?
Thanks for your help.
I read Thict Naht Hanh. One that's great is "Taming the Tiger Within>"
I remind myself that thoughts are not truth- they are just chemicals in our brains that will pass.
Also, realizing WHY we have that negative self talk to begin with. For me, it was my father. He's NOT an authority. He's just a man. I am an adult now. I do NOT have to be a slave to what he programmed into my head when I was a kid.
If you start thinking like I stared to, that may help.
Hugs.
with us for longer
than the duration
of a therapy session.
But we're with ourself
every minute of the day.
I replace negative feelings
or negative self-talk
with one or
more "mantras."
The mantras are
me talking to myself
in a loving or wise way
and may include:
I'm embracing you with love.
I'm encircling you with love.
I'm infusing you with love.
No mistake, nothing you
could do, will change
my love for you.
Life above all.
One trick a therapist gave me really helps. When you catch yourself doing negative self talk, imagine it as a headline on a newspaper. I giggle out loud often and it helps me feel better. Such as "Worst mother in the county takes a nap instead of doing another load of laundry". LOL
First of all, I am sorry for what you've been through and I would encourage you to keep doing what you're doing, because I believe you are on the right track. Long-term abuse does terrible damage to the mind, so healing takes time and persistence.
Some things that I believe have helped me immensely are guided meditations (I suck at regular mediation, lol), affirmations, and subliminal messages.
1. Guided meditations. There are many GMs available cheaply as MP3s on places like Amazon digital, and also free on youtube. My absolute favorite GM is called Your Present, by Susie Mantell, and naturally that one is only available on CD, but for me it was worth the price. That one is more about aiding physical health, though.
The queen of guided meditations is a woman named Belleruth Naperstek. She has a GM for just about everything, and they each come with a set of affirmations. Right now one of her GMs is up on youtube (this one is for depression), if you want to check her out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBxXAYKgcPE
If you like that, she has many more available on her website:
http://www.healthjourneys.com/Store/Guided-Imagery/26
2. Affirmations. They take some time to sink in and start changing your brain, but it you stick with it, affirmations can really help. You can say them out loud to yourself and/or listen to them -- again, there are many affirmations available as cheap MP3s or free on youtube (if you really like a track on YT, there are ways to turn YT vids into MP3s, just do a google search and you'll see what I mean). This is one of my personal favorites:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkROmtfEwm8
Recently I have taken to listening to CDs of affirmations and other positive messages while I sleep, and I think this has helped me quite a lot. :)
:3. Subliminal messages. These are messages spoken so quietly that we can't consciously hear them, but they still enter our brains on a subconscious level. With both affirmations and subliminals, they take awhile to really penetrate the hard shell of negativity created by abuse, so persistence is key. They say it takes at least 30 days to really start seeing a difference.
There are subliminal tracks for just about everything, including self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and recovery from PTSD. many are available cheaply (about $1 each) on Amazon digital, but again there are many free on youtube. This is my favorite YT channel for subliminals:
https://www.youtube.com/user/VortexSuccess/videos
What I like about this channel is one, they tell you what the silent commands are, and two, they offer free MP3s of their videos.
I have also taken to putting subliminals on my sleep CDs. I'm not sure if my brain can even hear them while I'm asleep, but I figure the worst-case scenario is that my brain only hears the pretty music and maybe I hear the subliminals a little bit when I'm half-asleep in the early morning.
In any event, I do think listening to all these things, including while I am asleep, has helped me quite a lot in recent months. They are cheap to try and pretty much risk-free I think, so maybe they could help you.
Good luck!
As for putting a stop to the negative self talk, I am glad to share what's helped me. One wonderful friend of mine taught me this one- get a rubber band to wear on your wrist daily and any time you catch yourself in the middle of your negative self talk or negative thoughts about yourself, snap that rubber band on yourself to make yourself to stop. You may also want to say to yourself "Stop it!" The trick is catching yourself doing it. You probably will have to keep at this for a while. Once I became more conscious of this negative self talk AND where it was coming from, I would sometimes say, "Stop it!" or "Fuck off!"
Surrounding myself with positive, uplifting people and eliminating negative people.
Deli makes some GREAT points about realizing the WHY behind our negative self talk! I really like what she says " For me, it was my father. He's NOT an authority. He's just a man. I am an adult now. I do NOT have to be a slave to what he programmed into my head when I was a kid. " I never quite thought of it in that exact way! I should apply this same concept to my egg donor and see how it works for me also!
Good luck!
Any info you give would be greatly appreciated. I dont think I can keep dealing with these spells any longer.