Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This is my first year away from home because of college. I am going home next week and do not know how to handle her emotionally abusing me. Any suggestions?
First of all, most colleges
have a counseling department.
I urge you to get set up
with one of the counselors
there.
Second, back home, (here's
what I would have done with
my emotionally abusive mother
if I knew then what I know now):
I'd minimize time spent
interacting with her.
When she criticizes you
(if that's her standard M.O.
and from your profile, I have
a hunch constant criticism
is in there somewhere),
you can respond, "I don't
agree with your opinion,"
and then LEAVE the room.
If her pattern is to raise her
voice and yell, say, "I'm not
going to continue this
conversation as long as
you're yelling." Then leave
the room.
Further, minimize the details
you share with her about
your life at college. Keep
your responses general.
The more an abuser knows,
the more ammunition they
have in their arsenal.
I'm not telling you to be
mean to anybody. Just
be as detached from
connection with them
as possible.
Finally, get back to
school as soon as
possible.
I hope you won't be
home for the summer.
If you are, try to get a
job or take courses
locally, so you limit
your free time spent
at home.
To repeat. . . . . minimize
interaction with your mother
with every strategy possible.
When you must respond,
answer in generalities.
If she criticizes, say you
don't agree and go to
another room. If she
yells, say you won't
continue in conversation
with her unless she's
not yelling.
And make sure you set
up to work with a counselor
at school.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better days.
For the record, you're
not fat and anything
but ugly. You're a
beautiful young
woman getting
an education.
Good for you!
I agree with Ilene in that leaving the room may be the best option.
I also agree with finding a summer job, and part time jobs for over the holidays. Independence starts with financial independence. It will give you money, something productive to do with your time, and a good reason to be someplace other than home.
Hugs,
Patti