I ended the relationship with my abusive boyfriend a few of months ago. I was in a depression for months. But finally, maybe the last month I've been positive and really thought I was "almost there" in terms of being healed. I have a new job that starts next week and trying to remain positive for the good things coming my way. But the last couple of days, the anxiety has been creeping back. Can't sleep etc. To be honest, I haven't told anyone I'm close to about the real reason we broke up. I'm afraid to tell them for fear of them thinking that I was stupid or judging me to be with a man like that. Also for some reason, I feel like I still need to protect him by not telling people the whole truth about him. I'm wondering if this is why I'm feeling bad again. Maybe part of the healing process is to come clean. I don't know if I should go to couselling to really deal with the issues. I thought I could be strong and with enough positive thinking etc. I could get over it. But it's getting hard again. I just want to be out of this misery forever. I want to be happy again. Plus, as strange as it sounds, I feel so alone sometimes by not having someone who is constantly "checking" up on me. I know I want to feel free and not have someone controlling me but after 3 and a half years of constantly having to justify my every move, it's strange to suddenly have NOTHING. It's almost like I don't even know how to life a life in peace without him and his crazymaking. Because with him out in my life, I still have moments of the craziness.It's almost like that if I don't have someone in my life, even if he is controlling, I'm not important. I know that isn't true but I still feel confused. I feel like it was sooo easy for him to get past this relaionship and I'm still hurting. I wish that he could feel an ounce of the pain I have. I know I need to stop caring about him and how he is doing so great but I just can't get him completely get him out of my head. How can I truly heal from this?
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