Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'll try to be brief, i have 5 kids 2 before stbx they are 24 and 18.
my little ones are4.7.and10.
for 11yrs I have been in a fog even made the comment to some of my family members and H.
january 10 the fog lifted, i had been telling H the children were becoming afraid of him.
I told him i didnt appreciate everybodies opinion meaning more than mine.
all through the years i tried to help him be a better father even to my step children who saw me as mom.
well he would stay out , be moody,felt like i thought i was smarter than him (well i am and he said he liked it at the time) i ALWAYS lifted him up as a man told him when he looked nice when he did a good job with kids all this. T
This past year AGAIN i said i was done as usual went to 1 counseling session then a few weeks later back to same ole same ole.
This past year things started to change. i guess since around september had to take him to work late because thats when they told him to come in. now mind you by now i have no control over money house need repairs kids need clothes and i hussle to get food and what not. well anyway on this day he just blew up! I dont even know why something about my treating him like a kid. I dont know how I have no money, car or anything on my own .
Well me being me offered to let him walk to work. and since i weigh 130 wet with bricks in pocket i couldnt put his 6'5" 304lb frame out.
so for the next at least 30-40 min i dont speak because i am pissed.
he talked the whole time about forgiving, me holding a grudge God bible (he knows i love my Lord) and it drove him crazy because i wouldnt speak. the only reason he got out was because we got to his job and boss looked at him real crazy.
next he blew up around november, december because i didnt appreciate his telling me how to fold his pant (hold them like this, put this part here, rub it like that) at this time i was washing dishes drying clothes, folding clothes, washing clothes and getting kids ready for bath/bed.
he snapped in front of my babies they thought (as did i) he was going to hit me. ( kinda wanted him to because to me that was abuse)
well since i come from a pretty abusive background i just stood my ground and waited for the reason to put him in jail and get divorce.
since the fog lifted i see a lot of underhanded things he did and informed my older kid and grandma how he would us them to drive me insane ( i had a suicide thought that night)
they were flabbergasted but knowing me and i dont take no crap so my kids wont they believe me.
all three of my little ones are in therapy and since talking to their therapists it even makes sense to them i informed the school that i am preparing them for his leaving thats how i found out he hit my 4 yr old ( he is not allowed to spank my children I wouldnt even let him hit my step kids because he is too hard and i think he enjoys it) so my 7 yr old gets up several times a night checking on me. my 10 yr old has seizures (stress) and after going over things with again her therapist
we see it differently. its him.
i have a plan money from income tax ( i do those) i want half of 401k ( i do that too) working on seperation without his knowledge since people nuts now. then hopefully no marriage. just want to dot my i's and cross my t's to keep him away from my kids if not at least with mediator once a week (sunday is their day with him so if it must be at least let it be their schedule)
I will have to do free law and dont know how long that takes but im hoping all this documentation from therapist and teachers will work in my favor.
i am terrified that i am going to do something wrong or i wont be able to fake it with him for long . theres no sex since i have found out about fibroid tumors and he doesnt really know what that mean plus i was blessed to get my period (sorry guys) 2 weeks ago then got bad toothache when that ended! Yea for toothaches.
Now he LOVES me all day everyday calling, even more than usual man how can i take it .wish i had money to get him out and get divorce
im still afraid im gonna do something wrong and lose my kids and thats the reason why the therapist are helping me instead of reporting it. I really didnt know until they told me.
God help me if he did die i would cry for joy. I hope he really does get things right with Jesus like he has supposedly been trying to do all this time. he will just have to do it without me and my kids and to be honest if i die protecting them i already got that plan worked out too
please pray for me.
that said PRAISE GOD I DID NOT GIVE HIM MY JOY! and this man had 11 yrs to get right with God me and his kids.
I live in mississippi.
am i missisng anything?
my little ones are4.7.and10.
for 11yrs I have been in a fog even made the comment to some of my family members and H.
january 10 the fog lifted, i had been telling H the children were becoming afraid of him.
I told him i didnt appreciate everybodies opinion meaning more than mine.
all through the years i tried to help him be a better father even to my step children who saw me as mom.
well he would stay out , be moody,felt like i thought i was smarter than him (well i am and he said he liked it at the time) i ALWAYS lifted him up as a man told him when he looked nice when he did a good job with kids all this. T
This past year AGAIN i said i was done as usual went to 1 counseling session then a few weeks later back to same ole same ole.
This past year things started to change. i guess since around september had to take him to work late because thats when they told him to come in. now mind you by now i have no control over money house need repairs kids need clothes and i hussle to get food and what not. well anyway on this day he just blew up! I dont even know why something about my treating him like a kid. I dont know how I have no money, car or anything on my own .
Well me being me offered to let him walk to work. and since i weigh 130 wet with bricks in pocket i couldnt put his 6'5" 304lb frame out.
so for the next at least 30-40 min i dont speak because i am pissed.
he talked the whole time about forgiving, me holding a grudge God bible (he knows i love my Lord) and it drove him crazy because i wouldnt speak. the only reason he got out was because we got to his job and boss looked at him real crazy.
next he blew up around november, december because i didnt appreciate his telling me how to fold his pant (hold them like this, put this part here, rub it like that) at this time i was washing dishes drying clothes, folding clothes, washing clothes and getting kids ready for bath/bed.
he snapped in front of my babies they thought (as did i) he was going to hit me. ( kinda wanted him to because to me that was abuse)
well since i come from a pretty abusive background i just stood my ground and waited for the reason to put him in jail and get divorce.
since the fog lifted i see a lot of underhanded things he did and informed my older kid and grandma how he would us them to drive me insane ( i had a suicide thought that night)
they were flabbergasted but knowing me and i dont take no crap so my kids wont they believe me.
all three of my little ones are in therapy and since talking to their therapists it even makes sense to them i informed the school that i am preparing them for his leaving thats how i found out he hit my 4 yr old ( he is not allowed to spank my children I wouldnt even let him hit my step kids because he is too hard and i think he enjoys it) so my 7 yr old gets up several times a night checking on me. my 10 yr old has seizures (stress) and after going over things with again her therapist
we see it differently. its him.
i have a plan money from income tax ( i do those) i want half of 401k ( i do that too) working on seperation without his knowledge since people nuts now. then hopefully no marriage. just want to dot my i's and cross my t's to keep him away from my kids if not at least with mediator once a week (sunday is their day with him so if it must be at least let it be their schedule)
I will have to do free law and dont know how long that takes but im hoping all this documentation from therapist and teachers will work in my favor.
i am terrified that i am going to do something wrong or i wont be able to fake it with him for long . theres no sex since i have found out about fibroid tumors and he doesnt really know what that mean plus i was blessed to get my period (sorry guys) 2 weeks ago then got bad toothache when that ended! Yea for toothaches.
Now he LOVES me all day everyday calling, even more than usual man how can i take it .wish i had money to get him out and get divorce
im still afraid im gonna do something wrong and lose my kids and thats the reason why the therapist are helping me instead of reporting it. I really didnt know until they told me.
God help me if he did die i would cry for joy. I hope he really does get things right with Jesus like he has supposedly been trying to do all this time. he will just have to do it without me and my kids and to be honest if i die protecting them i already got that plan worked out too
please pray for me.
that said PRAISE GOD I DID NOT GIVE HIM MY JOY! and this man had 11 yrs to get right with God me and his kids.
I live in mississippi.
am i missisng anything?
Good luck!
you wouldnt believe it but today he wanted to pray with me about our marriage how wrong he was yada, yada, yada.
well after a moment of confusion ( i had been doing Bible study) i snapped out it..
Please keep all of us going through this mess in your prayers.
I declare emotional is sooo much worst than physical. you can literally die from both.
been on both sides of the coin so i feel safe saying that.
thanks for being there ya'll
You have much strength and are moving in a healthier direction.
Good for you. Take very good care of yourself and keep it up.
By the way ----- it's my opinion that we can be many things at once ----- on track and in a rut ----- confused and not confused simultaneously.
Stay focused on your goal and keep moving forward.
Be well!
you guys and gals are the greatest.
You really do seem on the right track. Hang in there, keep reading here for validation when you feel confused, and know that you have whatever support we can give.
'something about my treating him like a kid'....
Oh yes..I had that one many a time....
He agreed to get a vasectomy when we were done having children..he LOVED boasting about what a great man he was to be getting it done..The day we went to the hospital for him to get it done..before we left I was trying to be very understanding and caring about it...and he totally flipped and raged and made me cry...saying the exact same crap...That I was treating him like a kid?...It really hurt at the time...as i was trying SO hard to be a supportive appreciative wife?
They flip whenever you least expect it...Thats abuse..They tear your world apart with their outbursts....Just when you are learning to trust allover again...Its all part of their nasty abuse...
Like all here...I am delighted for you to hear that you have now had enough...and are planning your escape...Best of luck!!
When they start affecting the children..Is often when we see them more clearly..as sometimes we find it hard to value ourselves enough..alone...to leave just for our own sakes...
NO WAY is anything you describe just 'in your head'.....Its a description of very typical abuse....and of a very typical abuser...
Also whats also typical..Is that when they sense they are losing control...You either get what you are getting...an upping of oh I love you so!! And fake promises to change?..OR they get more abusive...Looks like yours is hoping he can play you back into his world..By trying hard to lay on the heavy I really love you now and am sorry lying crap.....Way too little..way too late..Thank God for you...
Keep your eye on the end goal..a much better and calm abuse free life ahead for you and your children...
No mine didn't get it right in 17yrs either!!! And my only regret now..is that I hoped he would one day in vain....ALL that time....
Mine also drove me to have suicidal thoughts..But luckily now..I value my life....and especially...My new abuse free life...as you and your children also will....
Don't fall for his manipulation...He won't change...They don't, won't and can't.... your fog has now lifted...and YOU can..and you can now start to work towards leaving..That is so great!!!
Yes we will all be rooting for you...and also please let us know how you are getting along!! Big hugs..and wishing you more strengh to get away..