Hi, My old account here was kazb25, some may remember me?
It will be 3 years in October that i have been NC (no contact).

I have had a rough time getting over it all. One thing that I experienced was a prolonged fight or flight response. It resulted in post traumatic stress disorder. Now if you've ever had this you will know that you ant just switch it off. You have uncontrollable flash backs, uncontrollable dissociation, it's something that takes you over completely. I think for me, I went into shock.

I remember knowing that I was ill, that it was making me ill and that if it didn't stop, physically I'd be ill.

Fast forward to two years of NC and I had stopped coming on here, had started to feel better in my mind and emotions. I had started to open up more in a spiritual way (meditating, reading books) I have always been spiritual but I had stopped having interest in anything since the PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

Just as my mind started to relax I felt my physical body catch up somewhat. One day all of a sudden I felt ill. Couldn't breath properly. I went to see a doctor who gave me antibiotics and ordered me to have a chest x ray. I was due to go on holiday for a long weekend so I left the x ray until I returned home but whilst I was away, my left knee also started to swell to about 6 times its normal size and I could hardly walk. Needless to say, it spoiled the holiday (vacation).

On return I had the x ray and the day after I received a phone call from the doctor, I had pneumonia. I couldn't believe it, I knew I had been feeling poorly but pneumonia. I was given four courses of antibiotics and in the mean time, I saw a specialist about my swollen knee which turned out to be broken cartilage in my knee, months later i was to be diagnosed with osteoarthritis.

At the same time my pneumonia wasn't going away, despite the antibiotics, so my Gp sent me to a lung specialist who sent me to have a CT scan on my lungs and then told me that he wanted to monitor me, see me in a few months and hopefully it would go away on its own. Time passes and I was still poorly. I had met my now boyfriend and things were going great. He is lovely and none abusive!

I went back for another CT scan for the follow up and then to see the lung specialist for the results which I was expecting to show that the pneumonia had gone, but it didn't. It showed a growth.
The specialist, still optimistic said to me "you are only very young, in my experience it's probably nothing to worry about but I would like to check it anyway" I was sent for a biopsy and a PET scan.

Weeks later I received a call and a letter off the hospital, I needed to go in for a scan on my heart and a lung conduction test and I just knew that I they were getting me ready for something. I cried on the phone to my BF, my mother, my sister and my best friend because I said "something is happening, I can feel it!"

Two days later I saw the lung specialist for the results. My BF came with me. We sat down and there were three other people, nurses, in the room and I knew.
"Well it's come quite unexpected" the specialist said, "it's cancer!"

"Ok" I said (I already knew and was prepared!)

"In all my 35 years of practice, I have never seen lung cancer in someone so young! You have a type of cancer typically found in none smokers, it's slow growing!"

Because I had done my research I knew what to ask, so I asked the stage, "stage 1" ..."that's good!" I said...knowing that at stage 4 it's too late, so stage 1 meant I had a good chance.

6 days later I had a Lobectomy (I've had half of my right lung removed)

The first thing the lung surgeon said to me as he walked in to speak with me before the surgery was "what are you doing here being so young?"
I was also the youngest patient on the lung ward, ever!

I am 33 years old.

Statistically this doesn't happen to people my age. Usually it's in patients around the age of 80.

The doctors have no idea as to how or why I got lung cancer but I do.

It was the emotional stress, the fight or flight chemicals churning around my body that caused this. I have told the chemo team this, even they said "your too young to be here!"

My family have a history of lung problems. Usually consisting of emphysema (a lung disease caused by smoking) so it's a weak spot genetically in our family. Still this doesn't explain lung cancer. It's so rare for someone my age to get it.

I know, and I can't tell you all how I know, and I'm not asking for opinions, I am telling you that this is what has happened, but I know that all the emotional turmoil, or that tension, fight or flight, sleepless nights, all that anger, it all manifested physically in the most weakest spot, my lung!

I had chemo three weeks ago and had a bad reaction, this is only preventative chemo, they have cut out all the cancer successfully. So I am starting again next week on chemo, but they are keeping me in hospital and changing the drug, hopefully it won't be as bad?!?!

I stayed with my ex for 14 years. All abusive people are psychopaths and he was no exception! Obviously he didn't abuse me straight away but I stayed long enough for him to have such an impact on me. I have no clue as to whether or not he knows I got lung cancer, maybe he's heard about it maybe not...all I know is that these arseholes (sorry) are not worth your life, whether that be through making you so poorly your body turns on itself or by threatening to kill you directly themselves...the quicker you get out and away the better!

Xxxx