Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I haven't been on here in a few months. So much has been going on and I've been completely drained. My STBX is still living here against my wishes. But what else is new
The latest development was that we had a pretrial scheduled for December 16th. We would've had to go to court because STBX was being very stubborn and going after my retirement. My attorney and I fought and were able to NOT give him half, but rather a third, so I'm happy about that. Seeing as that was all of my hard work well he financially drained me throughout the marriage.
So the day before pretrial my attorney sends me an email that my STBX no longer will be responsible for 50/50 of all childcare expenses!!. He and his attorney found some loophole and he blindsides me and tells me he'll only pay 40/60. I was livid. I was scrambling to get my attorney to speak to his attorney to get this straightened out. Our kids are so young nine and three and we are talking over a decade of expenses. At the end of the business day on December 16 I get CCed on an email from my attorney to the courts saying that our case has been settled and we do not need the pretrial meeting. It has now been almost 2 full weeks and I still have not received the final written settlement. I don't know if my attorney was able to get my STBX to pay the 50/50.
Needless to say I have been so stressed and the hate and disgust I feel towards my STBX is incomprehensible. He and I have had three huge blowups in the last week and a half. When I try and appeal to his sense of decency, he feels he's doing nothing wrong. He also seems to think in his twisted mind that the measly child support he will pay me covers the bulk of our childcare expenses. And that is bullshit. Because of his salary, what we are receiving in child-support is a joke. So I don't understand how STBX can sleep at night knowing he has become a true deadbeat.
And yet you'd be amazed at the crocodile tears when he talks about his girls. I know it's all bullshit. And it's sickening.
On a personal note I'm still in therapy and I realized the "friend "I leaned on during this rough time turned out to be another lying, Abusive person. So I cut him loose and I'm doing 100 times better on my own. I'm a better person, stronger person, I am finding myself self esteem and I'm passing my inner strength onto my girls. I'm becoming a better mom because I found my confidence again.
This has been a long four years, with the last year and a half being very excruciating with all I am learning about my abusive STBX, my marriage, and myself. But it is a journey I am grateful for taking because I am finding "ME" again.
Our uncontested hearing date is scheduled for January 30. I pray every day that my STBX finds a place and moves the hell out of here because it's harder to heal when I have to face him every single day.
Hopefully, my next check in here will be with some good news. For anyone going through this who is in an abusive relationship Any kind of abuse seek help. Try to get away from the abusive person. Get counseling for yourself to build yourself up again. And you can go on to live a full happy life. I'll be honest with you while you're going through it it's going to be the toughest thing you've ever gone through. But it will be so worth it in the end. Come here for support, validation, to cry, to vent whatever it is you need if you don't have a person in real life to help you through it.
Sending hugs and strength to my friends out there,
The latest development was that we had a pretrial scheduled for December 16th. We would've had to go to court because STBX was being very stubborn and going after my retirement. My attorney and I fought and were able to NOT give him half, but rather a third, so I'm happy about that. Seeing as that was all of my hard work well he financially drained me throughout the marriage.
So the day before pretrial my attorney sends me an email that my STBX no longer will be responsible for 50/50 of all childcare expenses!!. He and his attorney found some loophole and he blindsides me and tells me he'll only pay 40/60. I was livid. I was scrambling to get my attorney to speak to his attorney to get this straightened out. Our kids are so young nine and three and we are talking over a decade of expenses. At the end of the business day on December 16 I get CCed on an email from my attorney to the courts saying that our case has been settled and we do not need the pretrial meeting. It has now been almost 2 full weeks and I still have not received the final written settlement. I don't know if my attorney was able to get my STBX to pay the 50/50.
Needless to say I have been so stressed and the hate and disgust I feel towards my STBX is incomprehensible. He and I have had three huge blowups in the last week and a half. When I try and appeal to his sense of decency, he feels he's doing nothing wrong. He also seems to think in his twisted mind that the measly child support he will pay me covers the bulk of our childcare expenses. And that is bullshit. Because of his salary, what we are receiving in child-support is a joke. So I don't understand how STBX can sleep at night knowing he has become a true deadbeat.
And yet you'd be amazed at the crocodile tears when he talks about his girls. I know it's all bullshit. And it's sickening.
On a personal note I'm still in therapy and I realized the "friend "I leaned on during this rough time turned out to be another lying, Abusive person. So I cut him loose and I'm doing 100 times better on my own. I'm a better person, stronger person, I am finding myself self esteem and I'm passing my inner strength onto my girls. I'm becoming a better mom because I found my confidence again.
This has been a long four years, with the last year and a half being very excruciating with all I am learning about my abusive STBX, my marriage, and myself. But it is a journey I am grateful for taking because I am finding "ME" again.
Our uncontested hearing date is scheduled for January 30. I pray every day that my STBX finds a place and moves the hell out of here because it's harder to heal when I have to face him every single day.
Hopefully, my next check in here will be with some good news. For anyone going through this who is in an abusive relationship Any kind of abuse seek help. Try to get away from the abusive person. Get counseling for yourself to build yourself up again. And you can go on to live a full happy life. I'll be honest with you while you're going through it it's going to be the toughest thing you've ever gone through. But it will be so worth it in the end. Come here for support, validation, to cry, to vent whatever it is you need if you don't have a person in real life to help you through it.
Sending hugs and strength to my friends out there,
I'm so glad you have rid yourself of another liar, and hope and pray that you and your girls make it out the other side of this divorce and lose the main current liar in your lives.
You're amazing, that's all I can say. We're still here, and we're with you. Hugs xxx
That's great news about getting his share of the retirement account split lowered! I hope your attorney can get the child support situation taken care of in your favor too!
Good for you for continuing your therapy and rebuilding your self-esteem & confidence! I'm so proud of you! You go girl!!!
~hugs~
Still waiting now on the written settlement... Even my attorney is starting to bother me. I'm forever waiting for him to fill me in on progress/status of our case :/
Anyway... I'm feeling stronger everyday and my girls are doing better too. In fact the other day my 9 yr old asked me... Where do I see myself in 10 years.? It sparked a convo about how I'll still be a loving mom to her and her sister .. Will be working still at my career in the company I've been with for 17 yrs now... And will be happy and enjoying my life with friends and family.!
She then asked where did I see myself 10 yrs ago? I said how me and her father had just bought our house a year earlier.. We were happy and had good times..
I said I'll always care for your dad but we just can't be married anymore. That was a chapter in my life. And now we'll start a new chapter ... She agreed and said yes ... We'll start a new chapter and we'll be ok..!
She blew my mind.! She's such a smart cookie..! I see a difference in her.. A lighthearted innocent happiness again.... And I'm sure it's because I am now happy and getting out of this unhealthy marriage.
Thanks for your support ..!
You say: "But it is a journey I am grateful for taking because I am finding "ME" again." That is so awesome!!
I'm trying to look for the gift in my pain and am realizing that one of the biggest gifts is my ability to feel- my ability to care- my ability to hold myself accountable and those are things my abuser will never be able to do.I'm happy to be seeing it this way (today). One day at a time.
Hugs