I would like to begin by saying that my family is narcisstic. So here it goes. 

I have always been the target, especially when it comes to my weight. Everyone in my family works out but me. Back when I was twelve, my dad insisted that i work out at the age of twelve. In doing so, i have developed stretch marks on each of my arms and they're permanent. My family is obsessed with image. For instance, any time i ate after eight or a certain time, i would be told that I have an eating disorder by my mom. Once, i ate a candy bar at 3 pm and was told that i would become fat and have a heart attack. Then, to apologize, she gave me a candy bar. My mother is one of the main driving factors behind the torment.

Another subject that drives it home is negating my problems. Anytime i was sick, i was pinned as a hypochondriac. Anytime i told my mom that i had something that wasn't a cold, i would get told over and over, you're a hypchondriac. This was apparent when i had strep throat and had severe dehydration. I had to be put in a chemo room just to get the iv's in. During that time, she refused to believe that i was actually sick and she texted some things that made me feel like shit and said that if i wasnt sick, i would be in trouble. I dont remember one time in which she asked if i was ok. Another time is when I had walking pneumonia and my mom solemnly did not believe it. She said i was overreacting and thought it was something else. Turns out, i was right. But, this was one of the only times i had been right, and I still doubt myself from this. This is sign two.

Sign three was the definitive answer. Whenever i had a problem, it was ignored One time in 2013, i had tried to tell my mom how i might have been attracted to boys. This seemed to have scared her and she reacted by saying that i want grandkids and questioned me. She never did say i love you. From then, it was never addressed and my mom had no idea that i was gay when i came out. It was ignored. Fast forward to 2016 and i was questioning my gender. I remember texting her something and she said this would be our secret. The day after i told her, i was bombed with questions and it showed how she did not want any part of it. I was so mad at myself and the world for not being able to figure out my identity that i was defensive and scared. I was curt and angry, and felt like i could not talk to anyone. I guess in doing so, i had "hurt" my mom, and she forced me to confess everything about what was happening. This was done on the backporch with my dad and step-dad. I was forced to come out and forcibly talk about my problems. My mom showed her true colors. She exposed me at my weakest to gain control. 

I was always put down, my input was not legitimate, and my emotions were ignored. She never considered why i was angry and defensive. Or she knew and waned to show who was the queen. She played with my insecurities to boost hers.

Once, she took me to a hair salon because she wanted me to get a haircut. Mind you, this is when i am still questioning my own gender. Her first option was a local place and she said that girls go to these places to get a trim. However, her hairstylist was a town over... She knew i wasn't comfortable with it, so we went to the barber and gave me compliments saying i looked handsome. She kept going on about my hair, not even knowing the emotions i felt. 

I wish my voice was heard and my problems are seen. Im sick of being the black sheep because i do not live up to their image. Im sick of my emotions being f *cked with. I just wanted someone to listen when i was going through these difficult times. But, my voice was silent and my problems were ignored. 

Now my brother, who is 8 is going through what i went through; he is ignored and my parents think there is something wrong with him. I dont want him to doubt his judgment or to believe he's worthless. Anything i can do to stop my parents from repeating their mistakes on me, because when my brother is angry, he is told to go into the other room and his anger just "disappears" when he is alone in there. He was also put on two soccer teams during the school year and i didnt think it was a great idea, but i was shot down and felt like my opinion never mattered.

What should i do about this?