Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Well, Ive been recommended for this group for codependency, from what people around me have said I have just recently gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship.
So, I dated this guy for two years, junior and senior years of highschool and start of college for the two of us. The relationship started off great. Hed give me random roses, call me sweet heart, and be so loving toward me. After some time everything changed... I was his first officially girl friend, but not nessassarily his first choice.
*He ran from home saying his parents were too harsh on him and hated him dating me. Hed tell me his dad was telling him how I was cheating on him and getting him to flirt with other chicks.... I'm one of the most loyal people out there. He knew me over what his father says.
*Hed gone house to house (people he worked for on farms) in hopes to gain more freedoms to see me and do as he wished (having sex).
*My parents offered him to live with us, was here for 9 months, give or take. It was wonderful, he had a job in town he could bike/walk to no problem til he got a concussion and never went back... He was there for about a month that was it.
*He expected sex daily/nightly and I'd speak up to say no I wasn't in the mood some nights, hed huff and ignore me/take care of himself beside me. Or give me guilt trips to do what he wanted. In high school he was so obsessed with wanting to have sex with me he was wanted to secretively get married just so there was no worry about getting in trouble... I told him I wasn't ready yet, still had to finish high school... He wasn't to happy about that.
*After he got his licence he and I got into so many arguments about directions, he got us lost going to school one morning becuase his smart self missed our exit. Got pissed with me for trying to figure out where the craft store was at near the college.
* Other people were able to influence him in drastic ways where as I had no effect on anything I say. Hed ignore and fight with me over what I had to say most the time. He kept pushing issues knowing I had a strong dislike for it. He wanted us to move into a nasty camper trailor that was in seriously poor shape, it was... Just no. And was on a farm to someone that set my gut feeling off, trying to explain best I could where it made sense, hed get mad at me and still push and push. That was the last straw after the like fith time of pushing the issue. We fought so much about that topic...
* I had no space at home, I'd go to draw or do something on my own hed pull me away or be all up in my business to distract me. Ask me when id be finished every 5 mins or so... Hed sit and wait for me at my work all shift long, every day I worked. Co workers thought he did that to watch over me. They all hated how to talked to me at the counters... He then had the idea he wanted to apply there to be with me.
* Complains we don't talk much during the day, so trying what my folks do every night before bed talk about plans and days...he'd snap at me to shut up.
* Constantly blew his money, he had a job before me (on campus which he quit twice) and more financial aid than me, then asked for my money for stuff he wanted. We had 800 bucks worth of bills piled up and little funds to afford them and gas... Saddest part is we were living with my parents. My money is what was paying for bills. At one point, we were stressing about gas, forgot the money at home had just enough to get home and to the gas station before work and plenty of time as well... He took me to work way early arguing over what to do I was about to do as he wanted which was go inside anyways, then he fires the vehicle up once more, I shut it off on him. He then yells at me "That's domestic abuse!" Then few nights later we get into our biggest fight ever... Got so bad he had a growl in his tone, legit growl. Scared the crap out of me, told him I was going down stairs to sleep on the couch and told me no not to do that, held my arm down, said if I left than hed take off to the farm I detest... Then he expected make up sex, when he knows that's not me...
* Been at my job for over 5 months now, his longest job was maybe a month tops. He expected me to keep him out of trouble and motivated/on track for school when his classes were way over my head. He claims it was me who got him through highschool.
There is so much more I could say but this is long enough... I spent two years with him hoping he wasn't going to be like this and this is exactly what he turned into...
After our break up he turned to heavy drinking and was stalking (still is) my media accounts, expesially my art website. He was messaging me two months straight going back and forth with being sappy wanting me back and getting angry with me. At one point he questioned me being a cheater... Again he knew me better than that! Ugh! Then starts telling me stuff thinking I'd feel sorry for him, turns out he was just lying through his teeth to everyone he was associated with. From what I been told by his roommates he was bunking with he is mentally ill because of his and his mother's relationship was awful, but he still should have been able to think over his actions....
Everything I was put through has put me into insanity I swear.
Each day I'm receiving from this though... Each day gaining more strength.
So, I dated this guy for two years, junior and senior years of highschool and start of college for the two of us. The relationship started off great. Hed give me random roses, call me sweet heart, and be so loving toward me. After some time everything changed... I was his first officially girl friend, but not nessassarily his first choice.
*He ran from home saying his parents were too harsh on him and hated him dating me. Hed tell me his dad was telling him how I was cheating on him and getting him to flirt with other chicks.... I'm one of the most loyal people out there. He knew me over what his father says.
*Hed gone house to house (people he worked for on farms) in hopes to gain more freedoms to see me and do as he wished (having sex).
*My parents offered him to live with us, was here for 9 months, give or take. It was wonderful, he had a job in town he could bike/walk to no problem til he got a concussion and never went back... He was there for about a month that was it.
*He expected sex daily/nightly and I'd speak up to say no I wasn't in the mood some nights, hed huff and ignore me/take care of himself beside me. Or give me guilt trips to do what he wanted. In high school he was so obsessed with wanting to have sex with me he was wanted to secretively get married just so there was no worry about getting in trouble... I told him I wasn't ready yet, still had to finish high school... He wasn't to happy about that.
*After he got his licence he and I got into so many arguments about directions, he got us lost going to school one morning becuase his smart self missed our exit. Got pissed with me for trying to figure out where the craft store was at near the college.
* Other people were able to influence him in drastic ways where as I had no effect on anything I say. Hed ignore and fight with me over what I had to say most the time. He kept pushing issues knowing I had a strong dislike for it. He wanted us to move into a nasty camper trailor that was in seriously poor shape, it was... Just no. And was on a farm to someone that set my gut feeling off, trying to explain best I could where it made sense, hed get mad at me and still push and push. That was the last straw after the like fith time of pushing the issue. We fought so much about that topic...
* I had no space at home, I'd go to draw or do something on my own hed pull me away or be all up in my business to distract me. Ask me when id be finished every 5 mins or so... Hed sit and wait for me at my work all shift long, every day I worked. Co workers thought he did that to watch over me. They all hated how to talked to me at the counters... He then had the idea he wanted to apply there to be with me.
* Complains we don't talk much during the day, so trying what my folks do every night before bed talk about plans and days...he'd snap at me to shut up.
* Constantly blew his money, he had a job before me (on campus which he quit twice) and more financial aid than me, then asked for my money for stuff he wanted. We had 800 bucks worth of bills piled up and little funds to afford them and gas... Saddest part is we were living with my parents. My money is what was paying for bills. At one point, we were stressing about gas, forgot the money at home had just enough to get home and to the gas station before work and plenty of time as well... He took me to work way early arguing over what to do I was about to do as he wanted which was go inside anyways, then he fires the vehicle up once more, I shut it off on him. He then yells at me "That's domestic abuse!" Then few nights later we get into our biggest fight ever... Got so bad he had a growl in his tone, legit growl. Scared the crap out of me, told him I was going down stairs to sleep on the couch and told me no not to do that, held my arm down, said if I left than hed take off to the farm I detest... Then he expected make up sex, when he knows that's not me...
* Been at my job for over 5 months now, his longest job was maybe a month tops. He expected me to keep him out of trouble and motivated/on track for school when his classes were way over my head. He claims it was me who got him through highschool.
There is so much more I could say but this is long enough... I spent two years with him hoping he wasn't going to be like this and this is exactly what he turned into...
After our break up he turned to heavy drinking and was stalking (still is) my media accounts, expesially my art website. He was messaging me two months straight going back and forth with being sappy wanting me back and getting angry with me. At one point he questioned me being a cheater... Again he knew me better than that! Ugh! Then starts telling me stuff thinking I'd feel sorry for him, turns out he was just lying through his teeth to everyone he was associated with. From what I been told by his roommates he was bunking with he is mentally ill because of his and his mother's relationship was awful, but he still should have been able to think over his actions....
Everything I was put through has put me into insanity I swear.
Each day I'm receiving from this though... Each day gaining more strength.
I read you describe times where you did not want to have sex with this man and he ignored it. I don't know exactly what behavior goes under "ignored it", but it seems to me that there was more than emotional abuse here along with the times you described where it escalated with the car or the before going to the couch. That seems physical to me.
I think that it would be good to contact a professional - a good qualified therapist or counselor to tell your story to and come up with a strategy to handle the current situation with him where he is stalking you online.
are seriously dysfunctional. Many are
seriously abusive.
Please get connected with
counseling, either at school
or at your nearest women's
center.
Most of all, please make sure
that you take precautions and
stay SAFE!
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and safety.
I may look into a counseling again. Been through conseling for other reasons in the past just gotta get it set up again.
I'm no longer with the guy, which is a good thing, any longer and it would have progressed more and more to higher levels of abuse, this seemed like just the starting points...
The sexual stuff... Some mornings I'd wake up to him "playing with me", him ignoring me is turning away and giving me silent treatment, or with the guilt trips is he would continue to push the issue til I'd say yes.
As I get this information I'm letting out I see he was an awful guy.
Molesting you in your sleep
was RAPE.
Please look into
QUALIFIED counseling.
Just because you're no
longer with the abuser
doesn't mean you're
healed and recovered.
All these things matter and processing and examining and healing should be done on them.
I can relate from the place of having been raped by my ex boyfriend. I had to process the experience of being with someone who secured himself a body to lay with and had nothing to do or wanted nothing to do with my soul or vision or hopes or wishes.
You seem to have a pretty good handle on what was really wrong with the whole thing, which is great. It's also awesome that you got away from him before he did more damage. But I still agree with the others that counselling to sort out the damage he did do, as well as the reasons you put up with it for as long as you did. In saying the latter, I am not for one second holding you responsible. I don't believe that he was abusive because you let him - he was abusive because that's who he is and no part of that is your fault. But there are still ways in which we can protect ourselves from predators like him in future.