Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok, so I got an apartment and my 6 year old told her father about it. I find it very hard still to go there and abandon my house. Even though I know that it is payed for and I have GOT to go there, I had this moment of sadness that overtook mr and made me want to stay with my husband, no matter how much I truely want to move on and know that it is almost inevitable. It is so hard for me to just walk away from something that I poured all my energy into and then I feel like I am going to be stuck at my new place with just me and my daughter and feel all lonely, even though I feel lonely with my husband anyway, it is just the thought that he is thinking about me, even if he is hurting me I guess. Please help me figure out how to become stronger and make it easier to walk away.
Protect your daughter. I did not realize what I was doing to my daughter until it was too late. She saw how her father and then stepfather treated me and I am afraid that she will follow the same path. She is going to counseling, which I think is a MUST for children of abusive relationships. I hear things that I never knew she felt. It seems my ex had on numerous occasions told her not to tell me that he could make me believe anything he said and it would only make her out to be a liar.
Read, write, vent, grow stronger and healthier, for YOURSELF and for that beautiful little girl you love so much.
A journal served the same purpose for me, but I like the "Tower of shame" that the cards make up....It's easy to forget why we left, when we are lonely and things get tough. So put some reminders within your grasp, it doesn't take too much to bring you back to reality.
You wrote:
Right now I am going back and forth in my mind....
That's why I developed the Index Card Exercise for myself, when I was in the process of leaving.
I ADORED the man I married. My love for him took me to the edge of despair, when what he did turned out to be the opposite of loving.
Even NOW sometimes, I look back and ask, "Was it really all that bad???????
And then I pull out my box of index cards on which, over time, I recorded the hurts and horrors from our years together. And then I fall right back to sleep and dream of my life NOW ------ a near-paradise, in comparison.
On the cards, write every little thing, every time that hurt ---- one per card. Then also, one per card, write the larger categories of things, like: constantly criticized, or --- could never be wrong, ---- or would never apologize. Whatever. EVERYTHING!
It HELPS. It helps short-term and long-term.
This is not vindictive. It's historical.
Best to you. Take good care.
Ilene
I did the index card exercise and I have been keeping a journal for the last 7 months. When I start feeling lonely or wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not, I go back to my journal and reread all the ugliness that my life has been. Every single day there was some sort of drama caused by him. As I'm reading it, I'm thinking "why would I want that chaos back in my life". It's a good reminder of why I'm doing what I am...which is getting out of an abusive relationship and moving toward a happy future as a strong independent woman.
The index card exercise has helped me at working toward NOT worrying about him so much. I have so many reasons to be angry at him, yet I'm not. I pity him, as he is a waste as human being.
Stay strong...you can do this.