Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am free but my heart is broken. Why? Why can't I just be happy to be free of this man. I know he is toxic and this is a good thing.
I brought up another fight we had had previously this week. He had become angry at me for trying to hold his hand while we were in bed because I woke him up. I brought this up and he started screaming at me.
I said, "Why do you have to scream at me like this? Are you not a man?"
Then he totally freaked. "How dare I question his manhood" over and over and over again.How dare I question him and I'm supposed to have his back. He kept screaming how I could go find a real man that I can treat like shit and use as a doormat. This went on and on for about an hour. Then he said, "If you were a guy, I would have punched you in the face for saying that", "fuck off you bitch"
I recorded the conversation because I knew he would try to say he didn't say these things he said. I told him I had recorded it. He said, "Get the fuck out of my house, you psycho bitch." I told him he was a text book emotional abuser. He replied that I was a drunk (he had been drinking) and I was the abuser. I told him I was ashamed that I could ever love someone like him.
He kicked me out saying, "Get the fuck out you crazy bitch" and then kept texting me that "I could go find a real man" and "he was done with me" over and over again.
I know its for the best, but it hurts so bad when he says these horrible things to me. God help me, I miss him. I didn't call him all day. I feel like I should apologize but I KNOW I shouldn't. That's what he wants. I hate how weak and powerless I feel and how I feel like my world is ending without him. I need the strength to not call him or need him. I pray to God I can do this. Even if I call him, he'll call me a "piece of shit."
My heart is so broken but I know this is right. I just need the strength to go on.
I brought up another fight we had had previously this week. He had become angry at me for trying to hold his hand while we were in bed because I woke him up. I brought this up and he started screaming at me.
I said, "Why do you have to scream at me like this? Are you not a man?"
Then he totally freaked. "How dare I question his manhood" over and over and over again.How dare I question him and I'm supposed to have his back. He kept screaming how I could go find a real man that I can treat like shit and use as a doormat. This went on and on for about an hour. Then he said, "If you were a guy, I would have punched you in the face for saying that", "fuck off you bitch"
I recorded the conversation because I knew he would try to say he didn't say these things he said. I told him I had recorded it. He said, "Get the fuck out of my house, you psycho bitch." I told him he was a text book emotional abuser. He replied that I was a drunk (he had been drinking) and I was the abuser. I told him I was ashamed that I could ever love someone like him.
He kicked me out saying, "Get the fuck out you crazy bitch" and then kept texting me that "I could go find a real man" and "he was done with me" over and over again.
I know its for the best, but it hurts so bad when he says these horrible things to me. God help me, I miss him. I didn't call him all day. I feel like I should apologize but I KNOW I shouldn't. That's what he wants. I hate how weak and powerless I feel and how I feel like my world is ending without him. I need the strength to not call him or need him. I pray to God I can do this. Even if I call him, he'll call me a "piece of shit."
My heart is so broken but I know this is right. I just need the strength to go on.
Projection projection -- that is all they do...
Keep strong, you can do it, you dont deserve this kind of atrocious behavior!!!!! You have self-respect and will not put up with this anymore, girl. I know, I was there 9 months ago, same kind of name-calling in my case too! I was SO hurt.... you don't need this kind of toxicity in your life, oozing away and enveloping you every day.
Detox, detox!!!! The only way to do that is NC!!!!
HUGS
His response to you
informing him that
he's a textbook
emotional abuser
was textbook for
how an emotional
abuser would respond.
The only world that is
ending without him in it
is a world of abuse.
That can't be what you
envision you life, when
you envision the future
you want.
You are NOT weak and powerless.
You are strong and POWERFUL.
You are NOT
ANYTHING
that he calls you.
You're a flower on
the stem of the universe.
And he's an emotional abuser.
End this world and
begin a better one.
Take good care of yourself.
LOVE YOURSELF.
And I was listening to the recording of our fight last night, and certain part really stuck out. I said, "Why are you yelling at me and being such an asshole?" And his response was,"Because YOU are making me this way!" I know I am only responsible for my own behavior. I can not and will not be blamed for his unhappiness anymore.
Also, he kept insisting that his comment, "If you were a man I would have punched you in face" was not saying he wanted to actually hit me and why was I making such a big deal about it? And his nasty awful scary threatening tone he used with me. It is so scary and degrading, with every other word being "fuck" .
A part of me still feels bad about recording it. I know he's out telling all his friends and family what a psycho I am. He compared to one of his "crazy" ex's. I know I need to just let it all go.
Tonight I will probably cry myself to sleep but I've gained some solace in something I saw in another post.
"when an abuser dumps you it's because they work out that you are TOO good for them. They work out that you are not gonna take their bs forever and so they move on to find someone more "compatible" - ie, someone they perceive as weaker and more pliable.You're too good for him. So move on and find a relationship with someone so much better than him - yourself."
This really hit home with me because he just kept saying over and over again, "I guess I'm a piece of shit and not a real man. Get out and try to find yourself a real man."
I think he knows that I am too good for him. I stuck up for myself and maybe he knows I'm not going to take it anymore.
He also kept bringing up one of my ex's who he calls a "pussy" because this other man adored me and saying,"You did a great job with him" "he just lays down and doesn't give a shit" "he's a fucking doormat".
I know I'm rambling. I've just been so upset all day, I can't breathe.
But I've made it through day 1. One day at a time.
this forum has saved the sanity of so many including myself! i never would have made it this far without the love and support of everyone here.
there is always support, friendship and love here for you hun :)
xoxo
gogo
You don't need to run back. You don't need to apologize. You KNOW this isn't your fault, and you need to hold your ground and not text or call him..
The faster you stop talking to him, the closer you are to being genuinely happy.
I'm in the middle of doing so right now, and I know you can too. You need to remain strong and re read your post over and over again. Read the words that he has called you, read that you KNOW you SHOULDN'T apologize.
You do not need to become a prisoner to him, you can break free and you're in the perfect position to do so right now.
*Praying for you*
- J