Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was reflecting today on what I wish someone had said/done when I was in abusive relationships.
Honestly, my physically abusive relationship was the easiest to leave. The moment he laid a hand on me, I knew it was time to go. It was an obvious clear-cut line that had been crossed. The trick was leaving safely, which took me about nine months to plan and execute.
My emotionally abusive relationship was hard to even determine as abusive, and truthfully sometimes I still have problems recognizing what was abusive. It was not until coming here and reading many other people's stories that I realized my ex was saying word for word (scarily so) what so many other people's spouses or SO's said. And that I wasn't the only one who had a problem with it! I wasn't the only one who was scared, lonely, angry and hurt.
And I felt less alone.
I truly believe that the support I found here and with others I felt safe with in my personal life are a large part of the reason I have primarily been able to break free.
A girlfriend of mine today asked what was the best thing you could do for someone in abusive relationship, and I said the answer was easy:
Support and listen to him or her. Just simply being there can make a world of difference!
*What do you find has helped you the most either while you were in an abusive relationship or while leaving one?*
Just curious!!! :)
Honestly, my physically abusive relationship was the easiest to leave. The moment he laid a hand on me, I knew it was time to go. It was an obvious clear-cut line that had been crossed. The trick was leaving safely, which took me about nine months to plan and execute.
My emotionally abusive relationship was hard to even determine as abusive, and truthfully sometimes I still have problems recognizing what was abusive. It was not until coming here and reading many other people's stories that I realized my ex was saying word for word (scarily so) what so many other people's spouses or SO's said. And that I wasn't the only one who had a problem with it! I wasn't the only one who was scared, lonely, angry and hurt.
And I felt less alone.
I truly believe that the support I found here and with others I felt safe with in my personal life are a large part of the reason I have primarily been able to break free.
A girlfriend of mine today asked what was the best thing you could do for someone in abusive relationship, and I said the answer was easy:
Support and listen to him or her. Just simply being there can make a world of difference!
*What do you find has helped you the most either while you were in an abusive relationship or while leaving one?*
Just curious!!! :)
No wonder abusers hate it if you gain a support network and try their hardest to destroy it.
Also a massive massive part of recognition was not only reading on here and then getting feedback but for me researching about abuse, and reading books such as "narcissistic lovers" and "why does he do that..."
I truly believe that education on abuse is key especially when faced with an emotionally abusive relationship because it helps to gain some focus which has been distorted.
And lastly the NC rule I believe is essential for a happy and healthy YOU!
When I was in the midst of the hell and chaos, I had 3 friends. Two were "only" online (I had met both irl, but one lives in USA, the other in England), the other was here. That meant that, no matter what time of day or night, I had someone to talk to, because of time zones. And I had someone whose house I could go to whenever I was afraid.
The key, in all 3 cases, was lack of judgment. They listened, they heard me, they helped me see, but without lecturing me, without telling me what I "should" feel, think or do. Also without telling me I was overreacting, oversensitive, they didn't try to find out what I had done to "cause" his behaviour. They believed me.
Then, after he left, when I was starting to doubt myself and my perceptions again, when I was starting to wonder whether I was NOW overreacting, I came to this forum and again received validation. As well as knowledge, wisdom and support.