First of all, you are still in the danger zone! Do not break your protective order again!!! Why are you still setting yourself up to be hurt by him??Keep yourself busy! Read self help books, take a class, get a hobby, join a group, make friends. Instead of texting him,( that's still violateing the p.o.) listen to music, take a walk....Please, do not fall for this ''act'' he is putting on for you. All abusers do this, he will promise you anything, so you will take him back, and if you do, his abuse will be worse. Also, if there would be a chance that he could hurt you, you are giving others a reason to doubt your word. NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT! Write down the abuse that you have endured because of him, and when you want to text him, read that. I know I sound harsh, however people do not realize how dangerous abusers can be. And, if the court granted you a p.o., they know how dangerous he could too. Safety always first.

Well I have no Restraining order on him, because he comes from a prominent family w/ connections in the community. So all the balls lay in his court. I only work to keep the peace that is all.

The father of an old family friend, who is also a retired police officer, told me to find something to keep my hands busy. Keeping your hands busy will keep your mind busy.

Do you play a musical instrument? Do you play cards (i.e. solitaire)? Computer games?

I see that you have a protective order.
This may help you.
In 1997, I had to get an order of protection against a woman (Arizona).
After ending a 4-year relationship, I was not in any contact with her.
She called me, crying, and said she had to talk with me for her closure. I agreed, very reluctantly, but I agreed to meet with her.
When I went to meet with her, she tried to run me down with her car.
The very next day I went to the courthouse and filled out paperwork for an order of protection.
When I went before the judge, he read the reasons I had written on the application and said: "I just have one question for you".
I said: "yes?"
He said "What took you so long?"
There was a long list of physical things she had done to me, but I was positive this woman would never kill me. I was positive.
But if I had not jumped out of the way at the last second, to see her front and rear wheels run right over the exact place on the pavement where I had been standing, I would be dead.
As sure as I was about her, I was wrong. I was totally wrong.

"suggestions on what I can replace my texting with?'
Journal or try creative writing or pursue an online hobbie. Do llene's index cards and reread them whenever you get the urge to text him.
Reconsider talking to your family. Whatever he did or told them is probably not true and since you are family, they should listen to and believe you.

yeah its very complicated, and I am not a confrontational person, and also I am always the underdog, so if I chose to contact my family and friends they would just make it out as nothing, and I wouldn't get to tell my side anyway.
Actions speak louder than words in my book, so I just live my life and hope that it will all work out in the end.
Everyone in my community seen what he did to me, i don't have to say anything, anyone ever live in a small community with 4000 or less people? It's very hard to live a private life here.
I do a lot of things to keep my hands busy, beadwork, I do a lot of writing and journaling, and I read books and self help books.
Slowly my contact with him is dwindling. I know for all here, it can't go fast enough, but I have to keep the peace and make sure it all goes smooth, for my childrens sake. he would make me and my kids a living hell if I ever ruffled any feathers.
I know its hard for you to understand, for those of you who don't live on a reservation, I choose not to leave my rez, I want to stay here, this is my home, but if I ruffle feathers, me and my children will suffer.
His ex is no longer here and she lives in another state, and is heavily into drugs. I really want to be careful. I know what kind of damage they can do to a family.
Don't get me wrong if things got bad, i know my family would step up and help, but I don't want trouble for them either. I am just going to let it all dwindle into nothing.
He probably has a gf already, so when he is totally occupied with her, I will be left alone and not bothered anymore.
especially when he starts cheating on her.

I think you are not safe if you are in contact with him and I know it is difficult because I have no family or friends either but I am sure if we just stick to our decison we can make it and will be much better off in the future for doing it. I think it will take time to make new friends and maybe you can reconnect with your family if not right now later but in the meantime even if you are alone don't contact him. Come on here read posts, make new postings, do whatever you have to do to stay away from him and in time it will get easier. The holidays make it hard but I am doing it. You know what I did that you may want to think about? I didn't keep my cell phone on for a month because I knew he would try to text me. I have no idea if he tried or not and this way I can't let him get to me. I will turn it back on at the end of the month but I think by then he will think I changed my number or something. So I think that he will get the hint either way really. I know that contact would make the whole thing start all over. I thought I loved him too but its not love it is something else because all they do is hurt you! Why keep causing ourselves pain? Why keep trying something that never changed in the past. You know in your heart it wont last and you know he is abusive and you know he could end up killing you!! Just like reallyneedsabreak said look what happened to him!! Do not break your restraining order! Keep yourself safe. Being with him is not safe!

I do not have a restraining order, but no contact is a work in progress.

Through the day, do something else.

Everytime you feel like texting him, go to the mirror and tell yourself you deserve better than that. Tell yourself 3 things that you like about yourself, then 3 things you want.

If you're at work, then bring a notepad and write a story, a letter, just the emotions that you're feeling. Or, if you don't like the idea of putting it into words, draw a picture. (I have a constant fear of leaving something with personal writing at work :P)

Set yourself a 1 week plan, a month plan and a 3 month plan. The plans can be anything you like- Learning to bake something, finding a nice dress that you like, going for walks more often, getting your hair done. Whatever you want to do, set those goals. The only condition being, that none of your plans, involve him.

If there's no reason for him to be around you, then don't see him again.

Maybe, something you can do instead of texting him, is think of ways to get back in contact with your family. Start writing them letters and emails (you don't have to send them straight away) explaining to them that you want to be free of him.

Good luck.

hey, baby,
I like the fact you are backing away. I understand where you are coming from. Get away as fast as you can, but also do what you have to do for you and the kids, You promised me you would get some mace. I hope you did. I only want you to be safe.
Please take care of yourself.
Sending tons of support and bunches of hugs!!!!

I have a question, have you tried talking to a spiritual advisor? Or, if Christian, to a church leader?

Is there someone there related or unrelated, who would love some company, an elder perhaps, whom you could talk to? Someone to go spend time with? Start a talking circle of other women? Just two is enough.

Is there some regalia that you could make for yourself or someone else?

If I were you, I would take the spiritual path. Everything is there for you, all that you need to be strong, by following the red road. Matakuyeoasin.

tibtib has some great advice there as well as the others, I especially like the plan idea and getting back in contact with family/friends. (note to self to do those too)

As the others have said though no contact is no contact. It is hard as hell to do but you will be very proud in the end when he is completely removed from your life and you are set free. I'm not sure how it is on reservations but I'm sure there are ways not to have to be near him or go riding with him anywhere ever again. Riding alone with him just has red flags on it after what he has done, I don't care if there is a boulder in the middle of the cab. Its a very dangerous situation.

Do you have anyone, counselor or psychologist you could talk to. Maybe even speak with one online if you have to. I think getting that professional advice always helps and reassures you can do it.

We are here for you no matter what though, just want you to be safe! *hugs going out*