Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Mu hubby just doesn't understand. He even came to my surgery, listened to the doctor asked a whole bunch of questions and read numerous books on Endometriosis. He is a paramedic and his sister is a nurse!!! When I get my cycles I am in an intense amount of pain. So much so that I actually vomit. Some of that might be from the stress because he is constantly asking me if I am going to work. Telling me that he has to go to work when he is sick and it isn't fair to him. To a point I understand, he works 50-80 hours a week. But like my counselor said he is not running calls that whole time. He might be watching tv, or making food, sleeping just doing whatever. Im not saying his job isn't stressful it is I would never want his job I respect him for it. He knows that. But I have endometriosis and it makes my cycles H*&^. I have migraines the week before and I crave the weirdest food all day like seriously I spent over 100 on food this week for myself. I weigh 98 pounds don't ask me where I put it but when that pain hits I get really sick. My doctor prescribes Phenergan for me. My husband just says that I can go to work and that before he met me I was working two part time jobs, going to college full time, and doing marathons. I had friends I was very popular living on a military base that was like only two miles so everyone knew everyone. Was awesome. And I was very outgoing Im an extremely bubbly person normally. He just has me so beat down.
Now its like we got married in 2006, I only worked a full time job for two years after that. I got really sick in 2008 with a staph infection and was in the hospital for two-three weeks. Then I went on to be a substitute teacher which I love. I can choose my own days I work so having my cycles when my endo flares twice a month and I am too sick to work I can not go. But to him its like IM not even trying because the housework might not all be done. He asks me about work every night. I take lorazepam before bed just to sleep because my chest gets so tight and Im up all night worrying that their will not be any work the next day. He told me one day that if the computer said their wasn't any work he would be mad at me. Then yesterday and ok TMI but im on my cycle so IM a little poofy LOL but he told me no more doughnuts. Then he asked when was the last time you did your zumba workout or went to the gym I wanted to cry. Although I am out of shape, Im not as toned as I used to be when we were married but it really hurt. Then their was the college comment. He asked if I was even still taking classes. He said I never see you working on anything and I told him it was because I do it while you are at work. I only take one class at a time. He said honey if you do that you wont graduate by the time your 40. I said that's fine. He goes I didn't marry someone lazy. He has always done dinner and made out the plates lately I noticed mine were smaller I made a comment last night and he just said you never eat the whole thing.
Guys I have shut myself in the bathroom to cry or just gone to my room and cried myself to sleep. Im sure I scared the dog. I go to counseling and the counselor just tells me to go to work it will make him happy and he will stop. He is only asking for a 40 hour work week what are you afraid of. I told him. Im afraid of pain from standing that long. Getting sick I haven't worked full time in so long. But on the other hand I am so happy being around the kiddos and I even learn so much Im learning Chinese LOL and IM in New Mexico. but Im just afraid of overdoing it and failing. Failure is my biggest fear. Plus last year I went to work sick was running a low grade temp somehow during the day got dehydrated and had a seizure. It was mortifying, plus the ambulance they called had my husbands old partner. My husband was furious when they called him over the radio. He was at work that day too. He met me at the hospital and took me home. It was the worst night ever.
My hubby just says that he does these things and says these things because he is worried about me but I feel like they could be said another way. He says I cannot take criticism. He says that I need to grow up. Fighting Endo tonight though he let me curl up to sleep in his bed and he gave me a hug and a kiss and said goodnight. His ups and downs confuse me. Last night we were at each other throats and he told me to leave and he would divorce me. My dad just said between the 6-10 year of marriage is when you are truly tested and he wished that he treated me mom better before she passed at 35. He said he was sure that her sister Christy got plenty of calls just like the ones I was giving him.
This past summer when I returned from my dad's I thought I was going to prove my dad and my family wrong I was going to go to work, go to the gym, and go to college. If I was having a bad day between my hubby and I would go to the mall and have my hair washed and braided anyway I seen on pinterest. I just wanted to do something for me. For me to be proud of . Its not just my hubby that think down of me and who say they are "worried" about me. It is my sisters and some family members too. I don't know what to do. Do what what counselor said go to work get over my fear. Just know everything will be ok say it like a mantra.
Hugs everyone sorry this is long I needed to vent.
Now its like we got married in 2006, I only worked a full time job for two years after that. I got really sick in 2008 with a staph infection and was in the hospital for two-three weeks. Then I went on to be a substitute teacher which I love. I can choose my own days I work so having my cycles when my endo flares twice a month and I am too sick to work I can not go. But to him its like IM not even trying because the housework might not all be done. He asks me about work every night. I take lorazepam before bed just to sleep because my chest gets so tight and Im up all night worrying that their will not be any work the next day. He told me one day that if the computer said their wasn't any work he would be mad at me. Then yesterday and ok TMI but im on my cycle so IM a little poofy LOL but he told me no more doughnuts. Then he asked when was the last time you did your zumba workout or went to the gym I wanted to cry. Although I am out of shape, Im not as toned as I used to be when we were married but it really hurt. Then their was the college comment. He asked if I was even still taking classes. He said I never see you working on anything and I told him it was because I do it while you are at work. I only take one class at a time. He said honey if you do that you wont graduate by the time your 40. I said that's fine. He goes I didn't marry someone lazy. He has always done dinner and made out the plates lately I noticed mine were smaller I made a comment last night and he just said you never eat the whole thing.
Guys I have shut myself in the bathroom to cry or just gone to my room and cried myself to sleep. Im sure I scared the dog. I go to counseling and the counselor just tells me to go to work it will make him happy and he will stop. He is only asking for a 40 hour work week what are you afraid of. I told him. Im afraid of pain from standing that long. Getting sick I haven't worked full time in so long. But on the other hand I am so happy being around the kiddos and I even learn so much Im learning Chinese LOL and IM in New Mexico. but Im just afraid of overdoing it and failing. Failure is my biggest fear. Plus last year I went to work sick was running a low grade temp somehow during the day got dehydrated and had a seizure. It was mortifying, plus the ambulance they called had my husbands old partner. My husband was furious when they called him over the radio. He was at work that day too. He met me at the hospital and took me home. It was the worst night ever.
My hubby just says that he does these things and says these things because he is worried about me but I feel like they could be said another way. He says I cannot take criticism. He says that I need to grow up. Fighting Endo tonight though he let me curl up to sleep in his bed and he gave me a hug and a kiss and said goodnight. His ups and downs confuse me. Last night we were at each other throats and he told me to leave and he would divorce me. My dad just said between the 6-10 year of marriage is when you are truly tested and he wished that he treated me mom better before she passed at 35. He said he was sure that her sister Christy got plenty of calls just like the ones I was giving him.
This past summer when I returned from my dad's I thought I was going to prove my dad and my family wrong I was going to go to work, go to the gym, and go to college. If I was having a bad day between my hubby and I would go to the mall and have my hair washed and braided anyway I seen on pinterest. I just wanted to do something for me. For me to be proud of . Its not just my hubby that think down of me and who say they are "worried" about me. It is my sisters and some family members too. I don't know what to do. Do what what counselor said go to work get over my fear. Just know everything will be ok say it like a mantra.
Hugs everyone sorry this is long I needed to vent.
Your husband is in the medical field and is not understanding the severity of your symptoms? Thats not right. He should not be pushing you to go to work and making you feel guilty for what you Used to be able to do. That was before. You now have a serious medical problem that you have to deal with. It's great that you can be selective with your hours as a substitute and that you enjoy that - good for you.
It's not right that he comments negatively about your weight and how you look. Again, he is not getting it. You are sick, and when you are having a bad cycle, you need to take care of You.
The other thing that stands out to me is your counselor. He is telling you to "just go to work, it will make him happy and he will stop". SO he is saying to just continue to let your husband control you and not care how badly you are feeling?
I would find another counselor immediately - one who specializes in abusive relationships - preferably a woman who will also understand your woman's problems.
Your husband is feeding into your fear of failing by constantly questioning the extent of your illness, you inability to work more hours, your weight, lack of exercise. He is beating you down and chipping away at your self esteem and confidence.
Then he minimizes your feelings by trying to justify that he is saying this all of this out of concern for you and you cant take criticism.
Please, find a new counselor, continue taking care of yourself and do what the doctors are suggesting and what you feel comfortable with.
Hugs,
definitely hit on a whole
bunch of important points.
Please do, look into finding
a different counselor. Also,
please connect with your
nearest women's center.
You are being emotionally abused.
(You must actually know that, as
you are posting here on a board
for survivors of abuse.)
You need the support of people
(on the ground, as well as on-line),
who understand abuse.
"""""""""""He says I cannot take criticism. He says that I need to grow up.""""""""""""""""
These are both straight out of
"The Abuser's Playbook."
Who is HE to determine
how mature you are or
aren't? He's just another
human being, with no
particular insight into
who's "grown up" or not.
These assertions are
abusive tactics to
distract from the
fact that THEY're
being ABUSIVE.
I'm so sorry for your
physical suffering.
Living with abuse
puts you under a
level of stress that
can only exponentially
increase your suffering
and decrease the likelihood
that your physical condition
will improve.
I almost always conclude
my responses with an
urging hope that the author
of the post will take good
care of her or himself. In
your case, this plea is
VITAL. PLEASE. . . . . .
TAKE VERY, VERY
GOOD CARE of yourself!
Sending hugs and
healing prayers.