Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was doing so great, even felt on top of the world for a few days and here I go again making my decend down to feeling horrible! I hate this, these downs are horrendous and make life so painful. I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and sleep.
My ex sent me a message the other evening to tell me I'm ugly, overweight, have a horrible personality and nobody will ever want to be with me. He has even gone as far as trying to add my friends to his facebook and texting them saying I don't care about how my kids feel and I'm filling their heads full of terrible stuff about him. (They lived there and saw this terrible stuff, I haven't had to say a word). I don't know if that is what has me so down or what it is.
Next Monday (6/10) I'm suppose to be having my stuff moved but now that they have seen what all I have that may not even happen because they are so busy and didn't realize it would be such a big job to do.
The logical side of me says.."Stop it! You deserve better, you want and need better for your children. They don't deserve to live within an enviroment we were in." But the emotional heartbroken side asks..."Why? Why did you leave your home? Why did you leave him and just not deal with it, maybe it wasn't so bad after all."
All I know that I am certain of is this rollercoaster ride is NOT easy! I would have never imagined getting out of an abusive relationship to be this difficult (which is probably question why I left)
My ex sent me a message the other evening to tell me I'm ugly, overweight, have a horrible personality and nobody will ever want to be with me. He has even gone as far as trying to add my friends to his facebook and texting them saying I don't care about how my kids feel and I'm filling their heads full of terrible stuff about him. (They lived there and saw this terrible stuff, I haven't had to say a word). I don't know if that is what has me so down or what it is.
Next Monday (6/10) I'm suppose to be having my stuff moved but now that they have seen what all I have that may not even happen because they are so busy and didn't realize it would be such a big job to do.
The logical side of me says.."Stop it! You deserve better, you want and need better for your children. They don't deserve to live within an enviroment we were in." But the emotional heartbroken side asks..."Why? Why did you leave your home? Why did you leave him and just not deal with it, maybe it wasn't so bad after all."
All I know that I am certain of is this rollercoaster ride is NOT easy! I would have never imagined getting out of an abusive relationship to be this difficult (which is probably question why I left)
For this to go as smooth as possible you really need no contact. He will be trying to fill your head full of stupid stuff.
Absolutely you deserve better!!!!!
It is hard, but stick to your guns. Anything is better than living with an abuser.
Your children deserve better than to live with an abuser. They can feel the tension and know what is going on.
It takes time, but everything will get better. Hang in there and stay strong!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
He is just being a total jerk. What he says really doesn't matter. He's only being a reflection of himself.
I'm out almost 8 yrs and I still have little twinges of what ifs & why couldn't I have just put up w/it. BUT, they are infrequent and they just sort of zip in and out of my head. It's taken a good bit of self work (therapy), but now all I have to do is remind myself of why I left & I just put those what ifs out of my brain. It takes time, but you will get there.
Write some affirmations & put them up all over your house and every time you pass one stop & say it out loud.
I am beautiful.
I am the perfect weight.
I am loveable.
I have a WONDERFUL personality.
And put them all on the bathroom mirror. Every time you go into the bathroom for any reason, stop & read them to yourself, looking into the mirror. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but in no time you will be looking into your own eyes and seeing your beauty, lovableness and smiling at your wonderful personality.
Hugs!!!!
He wouldn't have sent you such nasty messages unless you meant something to him. You still have power over him, and that is why he is reacting the way he is.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it is indifference. There is a thinly veiled line between hate and love, and it is easy to flip between one to the other. That is exactly what he is doing now. He is flip-flopping, trying to get a reaction from you... And he is making himself look like an a** in the meantime!!!
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now...I know it must be so tough dealing with all of that. And there will be off days, but with time they will get fewer and farther between. Just keep strong, and know you're doing what's right for you and your children.
Stay strong! We are all here. If you feel down, post, post, post. We will all lift you up!
Just like withdrawals from a substance, the worst is always at the beginning. Eventually it begins to taper off. There will still be times (like anniversaries, b-days & other special occasions) when the withdrawals will ramp up again. But those feelings will pass.
Just like withdrawals from a substance, if used, the next time we stop (or go No Contact), the withdrawals start out just as strong as they did the first time. But if we do the work (as in AA programs for substances and therapy w/a therapist who specializes in abuse recovery & PTSD), we will heal.
Also, please read the thread on here called "Love Bombing" - it may help you to understand a little better why you feel the way you do.