Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello,
I've been feeling so much better for around 6 months now. A big part of that I believe is the amazing support from the women on this website.
My story. I was in an emotionally abusive relationshipr. I finally walked out, a year later he comes back and acts like a changed man.. gives me all the affection I never had in the relationship. He eventually went back to how he was whilst just leading me on and using me for sex, When I left him my last message of how much he'd hurt me and how I would not be having sex with him again, he didn't even bother replying. This absolutely broke my heart and It took me a while to feel myself again. Since then I had no contact with him and deleted him off every social networking site. I heard nothing from him.. not even a sorry. It's been just over a year now and I've been feeling great. It was recently my birthday.. where I got a birthday card completely out of the blue from him.
It has taken me back. He gave me his number and asked to catch up. He acted like nothing was wrong, definitely not like he'd hurt me and I didn't want anything to do with him. I decided to just say thank you for the card but haven't heard back from him. I've started to start thinking about him and why he has sent me this a lot, and whether he's going to reply etc. I know I shouldn't be bothered but it's really thrown me and I'm worried my thoughts are going to start spiralling.
Any supportive words to nip this in the bud and put me back on track would be appreciated x
I've been feeling so much better for around 6 months now. A big part of that I believe is the amazing support from the women on this website.
My story. I was in an emotionally abusive relationshipr. I finally walked out, a year later he comes back and acts like a changed man.. gives me all the affection I never had in the relationship. He eventually went back to how he was whilst just leading me on and using me for sex, When I left him my last message of how much he'd hurt me and how I would not be having sex with him again, he didn't even bother replying. This absolutely broke my heart and It took me a while to feel myself again. Since then I had no contact with him and deleted him off every social networking site. I heard nothing from him.. not even a sorry. It's been just over a year now and I've been feeling great. It was recently my birthday.. where I got a birthday card completely out of the blue from him.
It has taken me back. He gave me his number and asked to catch up. He acted like nothing was wrong, definitely not like he'd hurt me and I didn't want anything to do with him. I decided to just say thank you for the card but haven't heard back from him. I've started to start thinking about him and why he has sent me this a lot, and whether he's going to reply etc. I know I shouldn't be bothered but it's really thrown me and I'm worried my thoughts are going to start spiralling.
Any supportive words to nip this in the bud and put me back on track would be appreciated x
Toxic, toxic, toxic... don't eat from an abuser's hand! Cos that's what he is.
We are all with you in this. Hugs and good thoughts! xx
You have managed to
leave this abuser twice.
Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His birthday card was
not him showing you
respect for and
celebrating
your birthday.
It was a
BLATANT attempt
at MANIPULATION.
An abuser HATES
losing a victim they
previously had under
their control. He HATES
imagining that he
actually lost control
over you. So he
sent a card to
get you to start
thinking about him again,
with the possibility that
he can reel you back in,
and maybe even
get laid. In addition,
he could feel the
satisfaction of
believing he
didn't lose
CONTROL
over a victim.
You've been
magnificently
STRONG
in the past.
You CAN
DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And please know
that even if he slinks
away again, this time,
in all probility
he WILL attempt
another manipulation
again in the future.
DON'T FALL FOR HIS
ATTEMPTS TO
KEEP YOU ENSLAVED.
You're TOO STRONG
for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let your "thank you"
for the birthday card
be your LAST
communication
with him. That
would be your
best bet.
Take very good care
of yourself.
I think he sees your strength and he wants to take it. You have left him twice don't ever consider going back. Normal people don't send birthday cards after they have been so horrible to someone. If they really care they will reach out in a genuine way. Abusers have a pattern of giving something insignificant and their partners turn it into gold.
Focus on how good you said you were feeling when you were not in contact at all with him. That is where you want to be. I wouldn't have replied to his card at all. The best thing to do is ignore an abuser because: 1. You gain back the control in the situation, 2. they do not have control and they hate that, and 3. They are usually self centered and hate to be ignored (just like normal people do).
You are strong. We can all tell that from your story! Stick to it! You got this!
He has seen my message and didn't reply anyway. I can't help but be curious about why he'd go to the effort of posting me a birthday card with his contact details pushing to meet up, yet not even reply to my thank you message? Has it clicked with him that I'm done and he's discarded me now? Confusing.
Bottom line though, it doesn't matter what he is doing or why. That's what I tell myself whenever my ex contacts me about something like this. I do respond with the politeness any stranger would deserve, because I couldn't live with myself otherwise. But I always remind myself over an over that I am doing it for me, not him and he doesn't deserve anything more!
to keep you HOOKED
so he can feel that
he hasn't
lost his CONTROL
over you.
He didn't respond because
he's satisfied that
YOU responded
and that's all
he wanted.
Not responding
is called WITHHOLDING
and is a STANDARD
technique of abuse.