Keep it up! You can do it!

Have you been in touch
with the local women's
center? Whether you
have or haven't yet,
I'd check in with them
and ask them if there's
anything you can do to
at least ease your mind
around this.

It's good that you feel
that he isn't likely to
come after you or be
vindictive, but it's also
a good thing to take
all reasonable steps
to ensure your safety
if he changed his
pattern.

At the very least, doing
something usually helps
relieve anxiety.

you are sailing in the uncharted waters of putting yourself first, it's scary business! you are pulling from old patterns and it feels weird and wrong, and you are doing the best thing you could be doing: noticing it, processing it, and not giving into it.

what you feel is growth, and growth is always scary until it turns into awesome. you are doing great, keep breathing and keep writing!

Oh, I heard that "It's important" crap a hundred times. It never was. Everything an abuser wants to say is important to them. If it was that important, why didn't he say what it was about on the vm? Now that you are divorced why is what's important to him, important to you? I strongly sense a ploy.....

Being scared of NC was a reason I didn't do it for so long. I wanted that illusion of control of knowing, or thinking I could know, what he might do. It is an illusion, being prepared to handle whatever comes our way can be completely separate, we can be prepared and still go No Contact.

You can make it through today-he's not going to make it easy, but you can do it!

It is still going very well. I am not talking to him. He has called multiple times but after reading your posts and turning my phone OFF for awhile I feel much stronger.

Thank you for your kind words. They are ever so helpful.

You are doing great! One thing I would suggest that I think would help you-don't even listen to those vms, read those texts or emails. Believe me when I say, I KNOW how hard that is-I don't offer that advise lightly. It will add a lot of strength and peace once you get over the to the initial anxiety it creates. I know-it's almost like a compulsion to want to listen to them or read them, but a TON of your healing is going to come from NO MORE EXPOSURE TO THE ABUSE. And a lot of abuse can be done through vm, email and text.

I agree w/cant's reply #6. Block his number so you won't see any calls or texts or be able to listen to his vmails. What could be that important? While abusers tend the think everything they have to say/do is important, when you add drinking & doing anti-d's, that jacks everything up another level.

I am so proud of you for staying NC. It isn't easy, but you are doing great & if you block him, it will get easier and easier.

I havent left my abuser yet, so I dont know, but I was there when my mom left my dad.

Is it possible he got in your head and thats why you are scared even though hes not there? They have this way of leaving a lasting impression. Physically hes gone, but it will take time before hes completely gone.

I think fear is a natural reaction to this sort of thing. Its there to protect you and why wouldnt you feel you need to be protected right now? Going NC takes a great deal of bravery.

Keep up the good work!

I'm really proud of you for continuing to not have any contact from this man but I do have a couple of questions? Is the NC something you decided or is it something that the courts have ordered? Is your police department aware of your fears and what he has done? I am not trying to scare you but men who turn into Stalkers don't care if the person lives 2 miles or 200 miles away, if they get desperate, they will show up. Is the place that you live safe? How far is the police station from your house? The reason I am afraid for you is because you said this is "shaking you to the core". that is what worries me. If he is calling you, unless it's a cell phone, you will know where he is at all times. I am somewhat new to this group so I don't know your back story on this relationship. Has he ever hurt you physically? If he was emotionally abusive, that can turn them into stalkers. Please let me know what you are doing, how you are doing, and what your plans are. Please keep posting so we know you are okay, Hugs GB

Thanks for all your posts. I am doing better this evening. He texted that he misses me and that is what it was all about and i haven't heard from him again.

He has never abused me physically. We were married for 23 years... 20 good, 3 horrific. But no, it was never physical.

He lives in Texas and I live in Seattle. I am not too worried about him showing up unannounced as he hasn't done that yet. We have been divorced for a year and my children are grown. Sounds good and safe I suppose. I just feel like... it hurts still... thanks for the posts.

Oh, and the NC is my own decision based on the verbal abuse I have been subjected to the past three years. It is very very new and I hardly know how to do it. The police department? No, there hasn't seemed to be a reason to yet. There hasn't been any threats to my safety or anything like that.

You got through a tough day. Practice some self care tonight sweety!

Well done!!