Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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babyrena 05/10/2013

For the past couple of days he been telling me that.

Only because I suspect him of cheating, because he cheated earlier on in our relationship.
So I told him that I was going to start looking at moving on if things didn't change for the better, and I am getting tired of being treated like crap.
He has his moments where is sweet and endearing, but when I get upset at him for putting me second or shooting down my ideas like im dumb then its the end of his world.
Its not my fault that my work schedule doesn't revolve around his time. and when it is convenient for him to come down her, then I take my lunch on his terms. ugh!!!! So I told him I guess since your so busy right now I will wait until you get down here with my lunch and take it afterwards. ugh!!!
I just get so aggravated by him, and I hate him too right now. Because I have been putting up with his crap from day 1 and never said anything about it until now.
I know who I am and what I am about and I don't deserve any less. So if he continues to hate me than he can hate me from somewhere else and not be in my life.

babyrena 05/10/2013

The only problem with that is I feel like I can't live my life without him. What kind of thought is that. Why can't I live with out him?
I think I need to go back to my list......

azkevin 05/10/2013

I'm sorry you are going through this. Abuse is rough, not just because they beat us up emotionally, but because we also beat ourselves up when we realize we are being abused yet have such a hard time breaking free. All I can add is that it is really tough to break free, because we are caring people who try our best to understand others and make things work - and those are noble qualities. It is completely confusing to have someone else tell us they hate us when we have cared so much and tried so hard to satisfy their needs and make things right. I like that you said this:

"I know who I am and what I am about and I don't deserve any less. So if he continues to hate me than he can hate me from somewhere else and not be in my life. "

That shows you are regaining stength and your identity, and you now know that you deserve better, even if you aren't there yet. You DO deserve better, and life isn't hopeless!

gem111 05/10/2013

baby, I am so sorry and sometimes I think I would sell my soul if I could figure out the reason why women go back to the men who could kill them and treat them so horrible. Is it the man they love, or do all the women think this is the way they are supposed to be treated. The whole thing is horrible and sad, and I am so sorry, I just don't get it.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

truepetals 05/10/2013

oh, im sorry you are feeling bad,i too was cheated on loads of times,and i know exactly how painful it is.He doesnt deserve you,you deserve to be adored, and treasured.

try to focus on you and what makes you happy,then you will build self esteem,and make little steps to move on.

babyrena 05/10/2013

yeah I told him yesterday that he has it made in the shade what women in there right mind would let a man live for free, pay for there pot, and gas and food and all the bills, and wait on him hand and foot.
and yes I was raised that the man is the head of the household, and should be cooked for and home is where we are to clean up and make the family comfortable, and I do just that, but I am going to get some help here soon. My kids and him started chores yesterday.
I treat that man as if he is the only man on earth. I should have the red carpet laid down for me when I get home from work
\

babyrena 05/10/2013

I have put away some money at work, in case of an emergency, such as if I need to get away immediately. It's not much but it's a start. I have made some cash into coins and I also put a small amt in savings.

Livndadrem 05/10/2013

In the traditional gender model, sure it's the woman's job to make sure the house is clean and dinner's cooked etc. But those are her jobs. It's his job to pay all the bills, no? Where in the traditional model does it say she also has to work for a living and he doesn't have to?

I'm not being critical, since I lived that way for too long as well. But don't kid yourself that you are living out the traditional roles and just getting frustrated with him not appreciating it. You aren't living out traditional roles at all, you are living out a master/slave relationship.

Livndadrem 05/10/2013

... and paying for the privilege

radrm 05/10/2013

Babyrena none of us know why but one thing I do know is its not love at all. Your right he fucking hates you and if he could would probably kill you. Have you heard of the three women they found after being held captive for almost 10 years? Well they talked about the stockholm syndrome today on the news referring to those women who now are free from what the news called the house of horrors. This syndrome explains why they think it happens. The best answer I have found as to why we stay. We are sort of emotional hostages of emotionally/physically abusive men.
Stockholm syndrome is:
Stockholm syndrome, or capturebonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. The FBI's Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly 27% of victims show evidence of Stockholm syndrome

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