Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
we have barely spoken for a month when we do it turns into a fight. I think I start them as a way to not let him close. for the last year he wont do anything with me, go to family functions, my class for my medical issues, trips to see my son in prison, ect. the last two saturdays he has been gone till 2 to 3 in A M. Now he says he doesnt want to be alone and is trying to be cuddly. Why wasnt it a issue for him when he was doing his thing or when he was telling me that if I wanted to do things I should find someone else to do them with. I asked but he wont answer, I guess one more head game
-
question,why is there a pattern to this?It seems that abusive men rush into a relationship full speed sweeping you off your feet,they never move slow and the come on with talking marriage etc,ive noticed this pattern and wonder why they say in books etc that this is a red flag,,does anyone know why this is?
I suggest you ask yourself a couple questions:
[1] Is the positive/negative balance of what you're getting from the relationship bringing you contentment, satisfaction and joy?
Yes?/No?
[2] You said you're learning what abusive relationships look like. Does the one you're in look abusive to you? Yes/no?
[3] Am I hurting and complaining more often than I'm telling people how great things are?
(You're on an on-line group for abuse, so even with his sudden cuddle-time. . . . )
[4] Head games? Yes. More head games. Part of the cycle. Part of the pattern.
[5] What do you want in your life, long-term?
If what you want is a healthy relationship, in my opinion, this is not the one for you. You can't make it into a healthy one. It will never be one. (Do abusers change? How often do you witness miracles? THAT's how often abusers change.)
A few thoughts. You can grow and heal and recover. It takes more than just time. It takes expanding what you know; then it takes hard choices followed by focused dedication. It ALWAYS takds loving yourself enough to not tolerate abuse, not occasionally, not "light" abuse, not disrespect, not neglect ---- not EVER.
Please take care and be well.
Ilene