Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Cali123 09/16/2009

I seem to be having a pity party for myself tonight. I'm in DC on business. My H refuses to answer the phone (as he said he would). I only call on the off chance that he will pick up and I can talk to my 4 year old son, who is in kindergarten. I just want to hear about his day, etc, and let him know that I love and miss him. My H knows this, and he's using our son to manipulate me into never going out of town "with" this male coworker. Like I said, H is convinced that we planned this as our special getaway. H knows that it will bother me to not be able to talk with my son while I'm away so he's using that as his trump card. Yes, it really does hurt me. I can't emotionally detach here, because my child is involved.

I'm about to send him a text that says "If you choose not to speak with me, so be it. I would appreciate speaking with our son and hearing about his day. Please allow him to call me. Thank you."

I'm just so lonely right now. I want to order dessert room service just to have some comfort. but, I refuse to let food become that to me. It's raining outside, and I don't really feel comfortable walking around alone at night anyway. Cool note (because i WANT to be positive): there is an awesome exercise course outside my hotel. I jogged there this morning. I want this in my town!

Please someone respond to me. :)

MyTrueColors 09/16/2009

Cali, I am so sorry your h is being such a total jackass. No one should ever use a child to manipulate another person. Unfortunately abusers do this a lot. Maybe you could write a letter to your son telling him how much you love him and even tho you can't send it to him, it will help to get your feelings out. Then when you get home, you just hug and hug and hug him and tell him how much you love him every minute of every day and that you always want him to know that no matter where you are he is always in your heart.

My heart breaks for you and I'm so sorry for your situation. I wish I could be of more comfort to you.

((((((Cali))))))

Cali123 09/16/2009

Thanks TrueColors. My heart really is breaking now. I know that I have to stand firm on this because I'm sure it's not the last time I have to travel for work with him. My son is my baby boy, and means all the world to me. My H knows this too, and knows it will get at me.

calmzone 09/16/2009

Wow, I must just be in a mood today because my first thought is leave a message that says if he doesn't answer you'll assume something is wrong and the next call will be to 911. Maybe then he'll pick up??

He's punishing you, what better way than through your child, the bastard.

I would keep record of this too if you should ever need it for future reference.

Cali123 09/16/2009

Yes, I just emailed my therapist with a description of events that transpired. I didn't include dates and times of phone calls, but that could easily be obtained. I did email him the body of the text that I sent as well. I asked him to place it in my file. Don't know if I can access that record (since psychotherapy notes are NOT a part of a medical record that patients have access to) but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I sent the text about 20 minutes ago. no response. big surprise. I think I need to go to bed now and have a nice chat with God. He does listen and answer prayers! I really want to put H "on blast" and post this cruel behavior on Facebook, but I know that is totally immature and putting myself on his level. Can't be doing that... :) I know that I'm really angry and acting out my anger is never productive.

deleted_user 09/16/2009

Hmmmmmmmm well you could call the local PD tell them you have been calling and there has been no answer your concerned as they shud be there...they will go check, they will also stand there and have your husband call you so u can speak to your son.....That will certainly make a stand...OR if you feel like that s too harsh....what about a three-way call......call someone in your town, a friend, parent,...have them three way a call to your house...he will pick up, the call can be connected :) call the school and ask to speak with him...I would find someway to speak top him...i would not let him away with that at all.

Cali123 09/17/2009

Well, I called the school and was unable to speak with him. After some verification of identity to protect his privacy, they let me know that he was enrolled and has been there each day this week. that is comforting to know that he's ok (and deep down I knew that), but I miss my baby. I'm looking through my Facebook pictures of him now. He will probably be asleep when I get home tomorrow night. I just want to hear "Hey Mama. How's your day? How's your trip? What are you bringing for me?" He's such a sweet kid. I sure hope he doesn't turn out to be like his father.

I'm about to go out and do some sightseeing - maybe the Smithsonian - in the rain. should add to my good mood. Ha!

calmzone 09/17/2009

Totally agree with Sinn...maybe embarassing the snot out of him will keep him from pulling a prank like this again. This is just infuriating. At least you know he's okay, hope you enjoy some much needed "you" time on your trip...

deleted_user 09/17/2009

My husband, once raised his fist like he was gonna hit me and then laughed - telling me it was a joke. I called the police and explained the situation and got them to speak to him...that sure straighted him out on that front and scared the crap out of him too. I wouldn't hesitate to get the police to check on the situation. Maybe, your H. would get it that you're not "playing". Keep your chin up!

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